We argue every time I bring up feminism

[SnowyRobin]

Every time I bring it up.. argument!

He takes feminism as a personal insult.. how do I fix this?!

Oh god OP, me too! I have avoided talking about trans stuff but when we do get into the topic he just says he can't discuss it. It's not essentially just about feminism in my case, more about safeguarding and self ID but he just doesn't believe that statistically there is anything to worry about and he thinks I'm obsessed!

We have a son and so we don't have a daughter to worry about but I care about women/girls and don't want our son being taught crap at school.

I don't have any solutions, but adding my rant and will follow for any advice.

Yes, shut up OP and listen to the beardy dude.

My advice. Ditch feminism, it was needed in the past when men and women didn’t have equal rights under the law but it’s become just another twisted form of identity and grievance politics.
Hello, Alexa, the 1950s just called and wanted their spokesperson back.

Lols
Alexa has spoken

Shite

“Alexa, tell me how to exist as a female in a way that pleases men”.

Sounds like feminism is causing unnecessary grief in your life

Erm, I don't think it's feminism groping the OP or calling her stupid bitch.

Alexa1772 look I can critique feminism all the live long day, but it’s pretty clear the OPs bf has a pretty abysmal attitude towards women. Referring to her as dumb and as a bitch within what should be the context of an intimate, loving relationship is pretty far from ok.

Yeah I like you think feminism has gone off in some pretty terrible
directions, but I don’t think anyone seriously thinks any and all misogyny has been completely eradicated. If you can’t call it out when you see it it kinda undermines you if you do have a valid criticism to bring.

Also you really should enter into every debate/discussion with the thought that perhaps YOU might be the stupid one. So no matter how sure I think I am on some things the thought that actually I may be the one that has it all wrong is a precious one that I hold onto very dearly. It’s one of the ways I may walk away from any interaction with more knowledge and wisdom than I started with.

@GCAcademic
“Yes, shut up OP and listen to the beardy dude.”

I think you have just explained why people, despite agreeing 100% with the idea of equality of opportunity and equality before the law don’t want to consider themselves feminists, why so many people consider feminism to be a toxic ideology and even why bringing up feminism can cause arguments in the case of the topic of this thread.

You replied sarcastically with “Yes, shut up OP and listen to the beardy dude.” Presumably Implying that he shouldn't be listened to because he was a man. You didn’t refute any of his arguments, you just highlighted his appearance and his gender as if that alone somehow invalidated everything he said. It’s no wonder that feminism is considered toxic and causes arguments if that is how feminists are seen to behave. Most people wouldn’t want to be associated with that in exactly the same way as if someone said “yeah listen to the blond woman why don’t you” disparagingly and sarcastically most people would find the statement sexist, bigoted and beyond the pale.

OP if you want to see why feminism is a problem this is why. It’s seen as misandry and anti male bigotry dressed up as women’s rights when under the law women already have equal rights and equality of opportunity.

Yeps shut up stupid bitches
Stop upsetting the men
You just on a wind up Alexa ?

Alexa1772 there is a time and a place for those sorts of points, and no-one feminist or otherwise deserves to be called dumb or a bitch by the person who claims to love them. THAT’S actually the headline here, and you don’t need to be a feminist or an anti-feminist to see that.

Jesus op these are abusive men. Dont feel sorry for your boyfriend’s mother: get out! That’s you!

no-one feminist or otherwise deserves to be called dumb or a bitch by the person who claims to love them. THAT’S actually the headline here, and you don’t need to be a feminist or an anti-feminist to see that

That is it exactly. I wasn't sure what the OP meant by "bringing up feminism" . I didn't think she was referring to say discuss the merits of 2nd wave v 3rd wave with reference to intersectionality. And she wasn't.

Think of men who are famously not feminist- say Jacob Rees Mogg or Jeremy Clarkson- they might ridicule feminist theory but on a personal level I can't imagine they would ever call their wives dumb or a stupid bitch or fail to understand why their wives would be upset by being groped.

I don't think it is feminism this man doesn't understand-(although he clearly doesn't) it is basic human decency, sympathy and respect for his partner he doesn't understand.

Or did you just mean that he might be hurt to know that OP was talking about feminism behind his back? Hmm, suspect not

Absolutely not. I meant that he may well kick off if he sees OP has been asking for advice.

Marguerita
I don't think it is feminism this man doesn't understand-(although he clearly doesn't) it is basic human decency, sympathy and respect for his partner he doesn't understand.

YY. This is what is so worrying. The insults and the 'seething'. It's not just lack of understanding, it's the underlying anger.

I don’t always manage it but I’d aim not to use disparaging terms towards people I’m not dating either!

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist indeed - you made a very good point here too.

I can critique feminism all the live long day, but it’s pretty clear the OPs bhas a pretty abysmal attitude towards women. Referring to her as dumb and as a bitch within what should be the context of an intimate, loving relationship is pretty far from ok

It's more of a silly drunk ranty thread in defense of his mother really. She's absolutely miserable with her EA husband of 40 years

This will be you if you don't dump this prick.

Quite confused with the pp who says they are 'anti-feminist'. Baffled in fact.

Snowy I hope you are OK today.
We have been tough on here and it can't have been easy to read.
Thoughts go with you today, however you decide to proceed.

I always tell people that when men stop murdering and abusing women we can stop needing feminism. It's pretty clear cut in my opinion that all of the "advances" in legal terms have failed to change attitudes and the law does not protect us in the moment that the men in our lives seek to hurt us. A dead woman cannot ask the law to protect her.

OP - your husband is falling for the usual trick of thinking that feminism means you hate men. When in fact, you hate the system that has created the inequality. Men who get that - are also not impressed with the system.

The calling you stupid and dumb is a separate point. This shows a lack of respect for you - deeply troubling. My ex also called me stupid and it was at that moment I knew I could not ever stay with him. I cannot allow someone to undermine my intelligence - as a woman it is sometimes all I have. I have a right to opinions and so do you.

You replied sarcastically with “Yes, shut up OP and listen to the beardy dude.” Presumably Implying that he shouldn't be listened to because he was a man. You didn’t refute any of his arguments, you just highlighted his appearance and his gender as if that alone somehow invalidated everything he said. It’s no wonder that feminism is considered toxic and causes arguments if that is how feminists are seen to behave. Most people wouldn’t want to be associated with that in exactly the same way as if someone said “yeah listen to the blond woman why don’t you” disparagingly and sarcastically most people would find the statement sexist, bigoted and beyond the pale.

So sorry, oh Mighty Man. I will abandon feminism forthwith and become your handmaiden now that you have so painstakingly pointed out the many errors of my ways. Oh fuck it, I’ve been sarcastic again, haven’t I? I hope that’s not too triggering for you

You told your DP you'd been sexually assualted three times at a party and he wasn't bothered. I wouldn't stick around to argue feminist theory. I'd dump him for giving no shits about me. I mean sad that he gives no shits about women and sexual assault but worse that he gives no shits about mistreatment of his partner. Shite relationship. Why are you still in it?

Whenever I bring it up against them I'm called a 'dumb' or 'stupid bitch'

Why are you still there OP? There are decent men out there I promise - he is not one.

Hi Snowy hope things are ok this morning.

You absolutely don't have to stay with a man who treats you in the way this one is. You say you love him, and you may well do, but if he thinks you're "dumb" or a "stupid bitch" and dismisses groping of you then I'm afraid to say that he doesn't love you, you can't love someone you think is as far beneath you as your partner believes you to be to him. He seems to see you as more of a pet than a partner.

There are decent men and women out there who wouldn't treat you in this appalling way. Remember, they don't have to hit you for it to be abuse, and this man is waving red flags galore at you.

If someone called me a ‘dumb stupid bitch’ I’d be out the fucking door. That’s not on.

Unhelpful I know but just that really. L T B

PositiveVibez as one of the posters who has confessed to anti-feminist sentiments I’d be happy to discuss my stumbling blocks over pm or on another thread, but uncomfortable to do so here as I think the focus should rightly be reserved for supporting the OP over indefensible comments her partner made.