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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

We argue every time I bring up feminism

92 replies

SnowyRobin · 31/12/2018 01:46

Every time I bring it up.. argument!

He takes feminism as a personal insult.. how do I fix this?!

OP posts:

bluescreen · 31/12/2018 02:36

*He's sees feminism as an attack on men. It's not! I have a lot of lovely male friends.

It's more "how dare you question men" sort of thing.*

Tried to explain being groped at at a work Xmas do by three different people. He didn't understand the problem and said "I've had my bum pinched before but didn't care"

Why are you attacking men sort or thing. I give up

Oh lord, that is going to be hard.
Has he no insight into what it's like being a woman? None at all? Have
you tried the carpark test on him? (When he goes home from work in the dark)
Show him this list:
persephonemagazine.com/2014/06/keys-out-and-guard-up-what-women-do-to-stay-safe/

TornFromTheInside · 31/12/2018 02:37

People can love sexist dicks.
They are however, sexist dicks.

MargueritaPink · 31/12/2018 02:37

I frequently disagree with my dp without being called dumb or a stupid bitch

I don't think anyone ever has called me dumb or a stupid bitch no matter how much we've disagreed.

"Bitch" is completely unacceptable as far as I'm concerned.

MargueritaPink · 31/12/2018 02:41

Just read the groping post. If he thinks thats ok, there isn't much hope

Yes, when added to the "stupid bitch" comment.

TyneTeas · 31/12/2018 02:43

What are you hoping for from this this thread OP?

Affirmation that all is okay or a wake up call that it is not?

bluescreen · 31/12/2018 02:44

Oh wow, Snowy, he's rude as well as thoughtless. Are you sure about him? I mean, is he really a keeper.

TornFromTheInside · 31/12/2018 02:45

I dont know where you start with people that think "a woman's place is..."

It is such a fundamentally flawed foundation to build on, and until you can demolish that and replace with a better foundation, nothing else can be built on it.
Sadly I think a man has to reach that conclusion himself. After that he can be persuaded by reason, but that fundamental tennet has to come from within.

MargueritaPink · 31/12/2018 02:53

Affirmation that all is okay or a wake up call that it is not?

It isn't is it?. It's not a case of say a man who thinks mothers of small children shouldn't work or it's a women's job to cook and clean or that #metoo has become a bit excessive. A man could hold those sort of views and still be generally kind and pleasant to be around. Those sort of views can be worked on.

Calling your partner "dumb" and a "stupid bitch" and not understanding why your partner would be upset by being groped are a different ball game. Those require genuine nastiness and lack of empathy.

bluescreen · 31/12/2018 02:55

LTB, Snowy, before you have more grief, before you are avalanched in sexist assumptions of loo-cleaning and apologies, before you have children inculcated into this dreadful patriarchal cult.

Original poster

SnowyRobin · 31/12/2018 02:57

I just feel lost between him and his father's opinion on things. It's more of a silly drunk ranty thread in defense of his mother really. She's absolutely miserable with her EA husband of 40 years.

But he's 35 and just cannot understand any predudice, thinks prostitutes' ask for it sort of opinion.
Sorry for ranting on a Moday night but I've had some wine and had enough of the same shit

OP posts:

MargueritaPink · 31/12/2018 03:01

Get out now. Do not have children with this man.

LonginesPrime · 31/12/2018 03:04

Tried to explain being groped at at a work Xmas do by three different people. He didn't understand the problem and said "I've had my bum pinched before but didn't care"

Why are you attacking men sort or thing

So you were groped and his reaction was to tell you off for complaining about it??

TornFromTheInside · 31/12/2018 03:06

But he's 35 and just cannot understand any predudice, thinks prostitutes' ask for it sort of opinion.
Sorry for ranting on a Moday night but I've had some wine and had enough of the same shit

What happens come the day he deems you are asking for it? When you say no but he deems you really mean yes? Or you get the smack you deserved?

bluescreen · 31/12/2018 03:14

Snowy Your DP is seriously not looking good. He is looking heartless, thoughtless and unimaginative.
He maybe doesn't care how he looks to the Mumsnet Massive.
More fool him.

Does he have any treasured patriarchal beliefs?
We will tear them apart.

Original poster

SnowyRobin · 31/12/2018 03:16

I'm sorry for ranting. I've just had an evening of trying to rant and being made to feel silly for it.

I'm probably too drunk and silly to argue these things. Thank you for the words of support though.

Going to bed now but will reply when less drunk in the morning 😁

OP posts:

bluescreen · 31/12/2018 03:27

No, you are not silly, Snowy. How dare anyone suggest that. I hope you sleep well and consider carefully what people have said here. It may be painful but it's all well meant. A lot of us have been there with an unsympathetic man, but most of us wouldn't waste time on a man who wasn't prepared to hear what we had to say, least of all a man who insulted us for our opinion.

MargueritaPink · 31/12/2018 03:30

You are not ranting. From what you have told us however I think you should delete your browsing history . I don't think you would want him to see you have asked for advice and he won't like the replies.

bluescreen · 31/12/2018 03:38

Marguerita The hinterland of that advice is understandable but shocking: that you might expect the OP's DP to be angry and to express it in an unacceptable way.

Or did you just mean that he might be hurt to know that OP was talking about feminism behind his back? Hmm, suspect not.

safetyfreak · 31/12/2018 04:13

Whenever I bring it up against them I'm called a 'dumb' or 'stupid bitch'. I'm just a bit drunk and angry about it all tbh

This says it all and how he reacts to the groping incident. Your with an angry, dumb man child. Good luck! He sounds like an catch.

Owloft · 31/12/2018 04:21

I think some men have to be reminded that feminism is about equality, not that women are better than men. Unfortunately there are a minority of "feminazis" who do attack men, so maybe that's what he's getting annoyed about. I've had a discussion about this with my husband where he's told me he sometimes feels undervalued etc. To be honest, I think the bigger issue is that he calls you a stupid bitch! It's healthy to have debates about topics like this, and you don't have to agree with each other. But he should value your opinion more and not dismiss you like that.

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist · 31/12/2018 04:34

Ok look OP I’m often quite anti-feminist on a lot of topics, but calling anyone stupid or a bitch is not on at all. That is seriously not cool. Whatever your idealogical differences you deserve to be treated a lot better than you are!

ICJump · 31/12/2018 05:02

The thing most men don’t get is feminism actually things men can be great. Feminism says hey men this behaviour is terrible and we know you are better than that. Feminism knows that men do t have go through life being sexist violent arseholes.

littlecabbage · 31/12/2018 05:17

OP, you've recognised that your "D"P's father is emotionally abusive but haven't seemed to realise that your DP is too.

Stay with him, and you'll end up like his mother.

No-one should call you a "stupid bitch", no-one should not care if strange men grope you and no-one should share your toilet but expect only you to clean it.

This one is NOT a keeper.

1MillionSelfiesTakenByMyKids · 31/12/2018 05:18

I'm sorry for ranting. I've just had an evening of trying to rant and being made to feel silly for it.

I'm probably too drunk and silly to argue these things. Thank you for the words of support though.

Sounds like your self esteem is a little low. You're allowed to have opinions you know. Were you always this self deprecating or has 5 years with an EA arsehole damaged your confidence...?

GCAcademic · 31/12/2018 07:10

I just feel lost between him and his father's opinion on things. It's more of a silly drunk ranty thread in defense of his mother really. She's absolutely miserable with her EA husband of 40 years.

Do yourself a favour and don’t end up like her. Your ‘D’P is in the same vein of misogynistic prick as his dear father.

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