How do you deal with PMT as a feminist?

[RagingWhoreBag]

I’ve always flat out denied that I suffer with PMT, as I honestly haven’t ever felt that it was a big deal for me. Perhaps a little more tearful or irritated thank usual, but nothing that I would admit to.

Potentially ex “D”P has a nasty habit of calling me out on it when I get pissed off about something during the “time of the month” and it gives me the fucking rage, which then proves his point that I’m over reacting.

How do you, as a feminist, accept your biology without buying into the bullshit that women are emotionally unstable (and therefore historically disadvantaged and dismissed)?

I’m trying hard to find the balance between accepting that perhaps I’m a little more forthright at certain times (as we all are when hungry, tired etc) but that I’m not a raving lunatic who doesn’t know what she’s doing/saying.

Have women bought into the notion of PMT despite it doing them no favours in the eyes of men society?

I dont really understand the angst. PMT exists, in the same way that depression or post partum psychosis exist.
They are caused by hormonal flushes. We have to find a way to manage them; to my mind being dickish about someone 'being on the rag' is the problem, not the hormone flush itself.

'Equality' means being treated with equal respect, not as a lesser. think 'equal respect in respect of our differences.'
It doesnt mean pretending we are all identical.

IMO PMT doesn’t make you less stable. It just makes you more emotionally aware. It’s only others that like to frame it as irrational and gaslight you into thinking you yourself are.

I never understand why we tend to feel more sympathy for the husband putting up with the woman who has PMT rather than the woman who has it.

Thanks upstart, that makes sense. Agree totally. I think I’ve just got to the point where I feel like I can’t admit to it as it’s seen as a weakness and therefore whatever I’m cross about is irrelevant. I’ve tried to say that it makes me less tolerant rather than completely irrational. I’ve been reading articles about PMT as a social construct but I know it’s difficult to sell that idea, but I feel like I need to present it in a way that doesn’t make me weak. I guess what I really need is a DP who isn’t a sexist dick.

Yes, I actually used the word gaslighting when talking about how I felt, but of course he denies that and then gets cross that I’m using ‘self-help’ language.

Of course it doesn’t make you weak. If anything it makes you stronger cos you have to put up with it every frikking month.

How do you think he would deal with PMT?

As a feminist, I deal with PMT by coming onto FWR and using verbal pyrotechnics that usually induce me to go to Confession at a later date. You could probably chart my cycle from some of my more colourful outbursts here, but it wouldn't get you very far because I'm peri menopausal and the fucking bastard comes whenever the fuck it wants to.

Well, self-help language may be cringey but it always sometimes saves on syllables by articulating something well.

He sounds a bit of a dick tbh.

Floral

It sounds more like you have a "D"P problem, rather than a hormonal one.

How do you think he would deal with PMT?.

Oh god I can only imagine! He’d want his brow stroked, painkillers and drinks supplied, extra naps and he’d be an utter arsehole to everyone. He’s had to take steroids for a medical condition in the past which affected his moods and I had to be very wary of upsetting him, he’d get special treatment at work etc so I’m sure he’d be a fucking nightmare with PMT.

Floral I hear you! I think I’m possibly peri too and this is why I’m struggling - if this is my life for the next 10 years I need someone who can understand and support me, not mock me for it

He sounds a bit of a dick tbh.

I wish I could disagree. He has many lovely qualities but also some massive flaws.

Raging, I hear you too! DP knows better than to do his old trick of quoting Gene Hunt 'Got the decorators in, luv?' because he's got a number of menstruating women in the house now, and we are all extremely forthright.

Yeah mate, so bloody hilarious to take the piss, innit? No, I won't tell you where your keys or wallet are. How dya like them apples, Mr comedian?

I reminded him of this little quiz in Robert Webb’s book which seemed to resonate with him at the time, but of course mid-argument he couldn’t even be arsed to listen. I said that if he honestly suspects this is what it is, why isn’t he MORE tolerant, making me tea and letting things slide, but he’s a) all the way. Triumphantly shouting “gotcha” as he does the mental maths.

I know exactly what you mean.

Trouble is, his DD takes a lot of time off school for period issues, and now his 10yo has started saying she feels a bit down and doesn’t know why, so he’s also diagnosed her with girly hormonal issues too (conveniently forgetting that my DS also when through a tearful-for-no-reason phase)

*went

Yes, it's fascinating, isn't it? I go through a now fairly unpredictable but time limited period where I am like Pennywise on acid, and it's a thing to mock or belittle.

He has temper tantrums throughout the month because he's lost his stuff, or the dog crapped where it shouldn't have after he's had a long day, or whatever, and he's just a normal bloke reacting to irritations and we have to 'give him space'.

Exactly - he’s always tired, hangry, jet-lagged, stressed about work etc, but I’m only ever sweetness and light or “must be time of the month” even when it clearly fucking isn’t I think that’s what pisses me off most actually, when he does get it right. He conveniently forgets all the arguments that weren’t pre-menstrual, but remembers the ones when he’s right - confirmation bias at work.

He's being an arse. I actually am emotionally unregulated when I have PMT. And actually I accept it must be hard for DH to live with. But he would never be derogatory towards me about it

I was about to say you’re lucky choochoo, buts it’s not luck is it. You just chose someone who respects you.

I was never aware of having PMT (just horrible dysmenorrhea at times) so I've been lucky enough never to have to deal with this in earnest... DH once started to make some jokey comment about women being hormonal which I cut right off with 'well, at least we're not hormonal all the time like men with their testosterone (etc etc )' ... he had the grace to take my point.

I remember reading somewhere that women’s hormonal balance is more like that of a man during PMT but I don’t know how true that is! I certainly like the idea, and given how angry ‘emotional’ many men get about football, traffic, work stuff, politics etc they certainly don’t seem to be the calm ones do they?

DP heard something from Jordan Peterson about women representing chaos and men representing order - I was like “wtf?!” Bloody warmongers and thugs, willy waving narcissists and alpha twats. Men = order?! I see so much chaos from men (as a class), while women (as a class) seem to be the glue holding families together, keeping everyone where they should be and making sure everyone is taken care of. I agree with some of his viewpoints by my god, that man comes out with some tripe too.

How do you, as a feminist, accept your biology without buying into the bullshit that women are emotionally unstable (and therefore historically disadvantaged and dismissed)

I don't date men, I don't marry them. I don't have a single man in my life. I only open myself to women. Periods are painful for me, but there's no man around to dismiss me. I don't put up with it.

When we are talking about equality we should not pretend that there is a neutral position because the “neutral” is always male. It can be no clearer then when we talk about healthcare and issues to do with the body. We should not be contrasting women’s bodies against a mythical neutral. Men and women have different bodies and as a result we have different responses that all fall in the realm of “normal”. I would expect most women at sometime over their lifetime to have issues with PMT, therefore I would consider it something to take into account and not to pretend it doesn’t exist or women are weak or lesser than for experiencing it.