How do you deal with PMT as a feminist?

[RagingWhoreBag]

I’ve always flat out denied that I suffer with PMT, as I honestly haven’t ever felt that it was a big deal for me. Perhaps a little more tearful or irritated thank usual, but nothing that I would admit to.

Potentially ex “D”P has a nasty habit of calling me out on it when I get pissed off about something during the “time of the month” and it gives me the fucking rage, which then proves his point that I’m over reacting.

How do you, as a feminist, accept your biology without buying into the bullshit that women are emotionally unstable (and therefore historically disadvantaged and dismissed)?

I’m trying hard to find the balance between accepting that perhaps I’m a little more forthright at certain times (as we all are when hungry, tired etc) but that I’m not a raving lunatic who doesn’t know what she’s doing/saying.

Have women bought into the notion of PMT despite it doing them no favours in the eyes of men society?

My husband used to do this, tell me I over react, and too emotional etc. Until he developed diabetes, and low blood sugar causes him to be an incredibly moody bastard. So I pointed it out, he used the line 'I can't help it'...reader, you know what happened next

Brilliant replies thank you all.

Just been to the GP and he’s ordering a whole load of blood tests, so at least anything that may be causing it can be addressed. But I agree that the biggest problem is DP’s attitude. He has got away with an appalling temper, at work, at home, to a certain extent with me (in that I call him out on his behaviour and tell him I won’t tolerate it, but then I stay ) He got a formal warning at work recently for being aggressive to a new employee, who subsequently left, so basically he bullied someone out of their job. And yet it’s my moods we need to worry about.

There are 20 men in prison for every woman, which rather suggests that if women are unstable and grumpy a few days a month, men are like that all the fucking time.

I used that argument against a man in a pub who was railing against PMT. Got a round of applause from everyone within hearing distance, including his mates.

I think men should be fucking grateful that we are only forthright during "the time of the month". Otherwise they might hear the fucking truth everyday. How do you think they'd cope?

MephistophelesApprentice the series you mentioned sounds a bit like the page Man Who Has It All on Facebook. Lots of posts asking can men really have it all? Loads of insightful posts from very funny women turning the tables.

Wife online? Kids in bed? Time to relax with a glossy magazine to find out if you are thin enough for Christmas (clue: you're not). 'Me-time'.

Does your wife help out with the kids? You are VERY LUCKY. Blessed & charmed. I'm lucky, my wife once put some toast in for them

It’s my little dose of sanity while wading through the internet

Well, I’m pretty forthright all the time, but PMT affects me in a different way.
Sometimes I’m not too bad, but other months I struggle a bit and need to remind myself that it’s my hormones. I get very angry and it is irrational anger. I don’t feel fully in control of my emotions. Sometimes I feel like I’m going just a tiny bit crazy.
My DH is rational all the fucking time. He is very aware of my monthly cycle.
How do I deal with it as a feminist? I don’t, I suppose!
My mum had one of her nervous breakdowns triggered by the menopause. I am nervous about what’s coming for me.

The only effect PMS has ever had on me is to make me seriously horny. DH looked forward to it. Same with the last trimester. Couldn't get enough.

I feel like I'm emotianlly unstable.
I don't get pains (usually) or weepiness, I get fury, grumpy, angry and irrational which borders on abusive at times.
I've been horrible to DH and DCs, but when it's not there I'm very repentant, but I can't do anything about it.
I'm surprised DH hasn't left me a few times tbh.

Just seen Nuffaluff's reply. Seems very similar. My DH is very calm and rational too. He has said a few times it feels like weathering the storm.

My DW says that it's when she has PMT that she sees things most clearly - a gift from the goddess. The rest of the time she puts up with shit that men wouldn't, and PMT puts things into perspective.

It's ill-advised for any man to ever mention PMT. There is literally no benefit to anyone.

I don't get the moody sort of PMT but I do become really physically clumsy - dropping things for no reason, blundering into walls and furniture, spilling food all down my front, etc. It took me ages to make the link with my cycle, but once I had, I tried to avoid undertaking anything requiring dexterity at the relevant times. Where it's unavoidable, I just have to allow extra time and make myself work more slowly. I never draw other people's attention to this because I suppose I have an aversion to seeming less competent because of my female hormones...

I point out that I behave like a man behaves all the time for just a few days a month and what a blessing it is I don't behave like a man on all the other days. I don't get tearful just more irritable

It's ill-advised for any man to ever mention PMT. There is literally no benefit to anyone.
True dat

He got a formal warning at work recently for being aggressive to a new employee, who subsequently left, so basically he bullied someone out of their job. And yet it’s my moods we need to worry about.

whore
Sounds like DARVO to me. Or at the very least deflection.

It's always useful to have a good understanding of how your mood changes as the month progresses - that way you can expect the inevitable.
However, I also tend to think of the week when I am irrational and weepy as the normal me. Who says that it isn't? and that the other three weeks when I am being lovely and relaxed, is my abnormal state.

That way you can point out that you could very well be irrational all the time - you just choose not to be (not the other way round).

Sounds like DARVO to me. Or at the very least deflection.. I told him to look up darvo - he replied “yeah I probably won’t”. I guess you can’t reason with, or appeal to, someone who uses Darvo as a tactic. It shows an utter lack of self awareness doesn’t it.

Well some women do actually go mental, it’s called PMD. I know someone who has it. She is s very reasonable, highly intelligent woman most of the time but on about three days of her cycle she turns into a raving lunatic with anger management issues. I get really down about three days before my period starts. I just cry my heart out. The rest of the month I am really easy going.

I do think there’s something in the idea that (some) men’s time of the month is all fucking month long. I bite my tongue a lot of the time but maybe just sometimes I get fed up of holding things in.

Well he’s taking some time to consider whether he still wants to be in a relationship with me at the moment (and I’m also doing some serious considering too) so maybe this is all irrelevant, but hopefully it will help me to make better choices next time.

Thanks for all your viewpoints on it.

Well he’s taking some time to consider whether he still wants to be in a relationship with me at the moment
Fuck him. Seriously. LTB. How dare he?

Quentin I don’t think it’s as simple as objecting to women’s hormones being treated as a medical problem- for many of us they are a medical problem. I have pmdd and the hormone changes during that time make my pain conditions, dislocations and attention span all much worse. Other women have prementstrual psychosis, pnd, post natal psychosis, or other hormone problems like pcos or endometriosis that effect exclusively women. These are very real problems that do not get taken seriously enough. There’s also a lot less funding allocated to how medication effects women. We already get way too little recognition or support for women’s health problems so we really need more recognition of how women’s hormones can negatively effect our health. What we don’t need our feelings dismissed by ‘that time of the month’ but pretending that women’s hormones can’t cause damage to physical and mental health harms many women also.

It’s not just over this Quentin, this is the tip of the iceberg. But I guess all the other issues amount to the same thing - his lack of respect for me and my reaction to that lack of respect.

Sorry raging I just got angry. I split from DH 6 months ago for similar reasons so I just saw red

misa I didn't mean to imply that the effects weren't real. It just annoys me that normal hormonal fluctuations get robbed off as something that needs fixed.

I totally agree about womens health.

Not at all Quentin. I appreciate the advice from everyone, including LTB. We kind of mutually agreed to leave each other after a big PMT row the other night, but then I felt bad for being a bitch to him and apologised. He’s now mulling it over, so I’ve handed him the power and feel a bit shit now. We’ve split up several times before and I think he’s just had enough of the drama . He brings a lot of it himself but obviously he doesn’t see that.

for you.

I've never suffered from PMT really until quire recently (premenopausal, probably). I totally understand your dilemma OP. But if my dh were to comment, I would point out that my pre-menstrual mood is still more stable than his! Yours sounds like a twat though (sorry).