Can I ask you uneducated women for your success story?

[WhiteCoyote]

Because I need inspiration from real life women, perhaps no or little education, who have made it for themselves - paying their own rent or mortgage, relying entirely on themselves financially/supporting their families on their own wage. I'm not talking millionaires, just earning enough to be happy and secure.
I started a thread a while back asking advice as my dp didn't want me to return to work after our son was born, and I had so so many inspirational and helpful replies. It really gave me hope and helped me to realise that I neither wanted to rely on dp financially nor should I have to if I didn't want to.
The problem is I'm struggling to find my way to a well paying job given my complete lack of education. There's plenty of stories of famous women (Oprah Winfrey, Coco Chanel etc) but I honestly can't connect to them.

I'll try to make this as short as possible but I want to give some background;

My mum took me out of school when I was 11. She was suffering from what I thought was post natal depression after giving birth to my two brothers, but looking back now I think she's been depressed my entire childhood. I don't think she was coping too well and needed some support at home, hence taking me out of school. I received no further education even though I begged both my parents on several occasions to go back to school. Neither bothered home schooling me.

I only got my first job at 16 in a kitchen fitting company as my dad was a company director. It's just as well as nowhere would even look at my CV (understandably.) He was a high functioning alcoholic and we had many arguments, he kicked me out at 17.
I went through a couple of shitty relationships, was made redundant from the company and lost the flat I was sharing with an abusive arsehole, ended up going "fuck all this shit" and moved to a completely unknown town 150 miles away (the very short version of my reckoning at the time).

I am now 24 and have a toddler. I work part time in a high street coffee chain, which I love a lot of the time but is really fucking emotionally draining. My manager wants me to come back full time and go into management, but the cost of childcare is more than my wages. Management wages are hardly more than minimum wage, which is why I'm reluctant to do it. Dp and I work on a basis where I work on his days off (shift work). It's hard but it's working at the moment.
My dp has a decently paid job that covers the main bills and some small savings and my job covers the food bills and small things, tv licence, life insurance, phone bill etc. We're getting by but that's it really, we can't get a mortgage and we couldn't afford a holiday abroad. Our landlord had just told us he's thinking of selling our flat - this is the second time in two years this has happened. It will be our 3rd move in 3 years and we're sick of it.

I have an incredibly blessed life (sorry I know mners hate that phrase) now I am grateful for. For what I've been through, I've done ok. We're very privileged. But I don't feel like it's enough - I don't mean materially, but in the way I feel so fucking wasted and want to be a functioning citizen and contribute to society. I love my son but being a mostly stay at home mother horrifies me.
I want to study. I want to learn something new and above all I want to be a proper human again. I want to work in forensics or engineering or something and do something worthwhile - and above all, to provide for my whole family. I want to make a stand for feminism and earn just as much if not more than my dp. I want a mortgage and financial security for us, I want my son to go to whatever the hell Uni he wants to and provide him with every single opportunity.

Without even GCSEs though it looks hard. I'm not saying it to be negative or put a downer on it, but what chances do I really have? I took a quiz on the Open University site about what courses would be suitable for me and my ability, and it suggested that open university courses may not be suitable for me until other basic education is achieved.
I have been doing some of their free courses nonetheless (basic maths and English skills) and it's impossible with a toddler around. I get interrupted every 3 minutes and end up getting nothing done. I get some done when he's napping, but no more than 5 hours a week.
I applied for the free adult learning courses at the local college this time last year, they told me they were already full for the September just gone. I can try again this year and I'm trying to remain positive. I really am.
Even if I get through though, how is it going to work with childcare and utterly random shift patterns and working long hours and no days off? Dp has no family capable of providing childcare and my family are too far away. We need both of our wages currently to stay afloat.

Women who have made it, how did you do it? Please give me some hope and inspiration, because days like this I find myself feeling so angry and trapped. Maybe there's other options I don't know of yet.

I can't help with the experience part, as I sure as hell don't feel like I've "made it" yet, but there is loads of help available for adults who never completed their GCSE 's, maybe try www.gov.uk/improve-english-maths-it-skills as a first port of call, but it depends where you are in the country. If any of your family is a union member they might have some core skills learning available for family too.

I'm not sure why the ou are putting up barriers when you're quite clearly literate! Usually they like you to be able to write and have basic maths.

A uni local to me does a semi access course. Rather than FT they do 2 nights a week for an academic year which then guarantees you access to their degree courses. Once you are a ft student you're able to access funds and childcare more easily.

More than one way to skin a cat so it might be worth poking around and there's no need to be fobbed off by those who'll tell you that you absolutely MUST progress in X, y, z order - that simply displays their OWN lack of critical thinking. ;)

OP, I’m not an expert, but I do think an access course is your best bet, perhaps at a local FE college - and then move on to a degree either with the OU or your local uni if you have one. Good luck - I’m sure you can do it.

Some schools and colleges allow external students to sit exams there if you pay a fee. So you could for e.g. study GCSEs in Maths and English language in your own time at home, pay the exam fee and the venues admin fee, then sit the exams yourself as a 'private candidate'. You'd have to be organised, and I would look at this soon if you think you might want to do it as there are strict deadlines for exam entry etc. And you can only do exam-only courses this way (I.e. not courses which have a compulsory marked coursework element) - iGCSEs are usually exam only because they designed to be accessible for people studying from abroad, but they are GCSE equivalent.

For e.g. you can check at this link for where you can sit EdExcel GCSEs and iGCSEs as a private candidate:
qualifications.pearson.com/en/support/support-topics/understanding-our-qualifications/where-can-i-take-edexcel-exams.html

In the time you have available you should be able to do those two GCSEs in the next year. That will give you the most basic qualifications you need to get onto further study courses. You'll need to prepare childcare so you can have good revision time before the exams.

Then sign up for an open uni or college course starting next September, when your toddler will be a year older and hopefully you'll be able to make more time for your own studies.

You need to take things one step at a time and make a good plan, really.

Presumably you will qualify for free childcare soon? That should open up your opportunities. I really applaud your ambitions and wish you could have had a proper education as a child. It’s not too late, but as you’ve found it is hard with kids. This is slightly impertinent but I would consider delaying any more children until you have a plan.

You could work part time and do GCSEs at a local college. Start with one ..English? you write well you will probably get a good grade then try another you are interested in. I did English Lit first got an A then did the A level and got an A. You could definitely do that too. I thought the quickest route to wider job opportunities was to get a few qualifications which are recognised every where. This led to university. Suddenly all sorts of opportunities opened up. With a toddler not easy but doable when your child goes to school. Choose something you are interested in and it helps you plough on when it gets tough. Try to decide what you would eventually like to do and choose each small course accordingly as a stepping stone. Of course you may not fancy study this is just one way forward but you are intelligent and articulate. Good luck op. You didn't have a great start but you can have a great future.

I did an access course to get to uni. I had a handful of GCSE’s but had been out of education for about 8 years. I also had a baby (who was a toddler and preschooler during my degree years).

You are clearly literate and access courses involve a basic maths and IT unit, regardless of the course subject (I did access to art and design). If you plan to teach you’ll need GCSEs in English and Maths (some people on my course sat these at the same time, arranged by the otherwise they aren’t necessary).

I was able to access financial help via the college bursary fund (paid for my nursery fees) the Princes Trust (gave me a grant for books and course materials) and a strange local charity originally founded to educate the children of peasants in the 1700s (paid for my bus pass).

I went onto a top uni for my subject and then another well respected uni for a masters (I passed with distinction). Not bad for a kid who didn’t even bother to show up for all her GCSE exams 🙊

Go to the college and ask what support they can give you. I turned up in floods of tears after a ‘new deal for lone parents’ advisor told me I was ridiculous for thinking an uneducated single mother could ever go to uni - a year later I dedicated my ‘Adult Student of the Year’ award to her 😂

I’d start by figuring out (if you can) what it is you want to do, then figure out how to get there.

A friend of mine decided to change her life in her 40s and she needed to do go right back to GCSE, A-levels and three year degree. I don’t think it was easy, but it can be done.

Good luck!

"I want to work in forensics or engineering or something"

engineering engineering engineering is the way to go for you. There is an enormous need for engineers of all kinds. don't go for forensics - there are millions of people studying it for few jobs. Engineering much better.

It is sexist - but I work for lots of engineers who I can't reach after 4.30 on a Friday because they've gone home for the weekend.....

I would look for "women in STEM" funding.

By the way, you write very well.

for you, OP. You sound really determined - and very literate! Fwiw I am educated out the wazoo and still had to start all over again at an FE college when I changed to a new career path. So you're by no means alone starting over and trying to fit around children. I restarted when my kids were already in school, but my college had a crèche/nursery onsite and at one morning a week plus voluntary hours, it wasn't too hard for students with children to be able to get their qualification whilst working. There was loads of support for those that needed to take their GCSEs too. Obviously colleges are different in what they offer but I just wanted to encourage you to keep looking and ask how they can help you study - they might have a reduced fee for a local nursery or similar. Mine also had January and April intakes, so that might be an option.

In the meantime if you can't get into a course just yet, don't forget there are lots of free courses online - FutureLearn and Coursera are pretty good, in my experience, you don't have to pay unless you really want the certificate and you can study in small chunks; many of the video lectures are 10-15mins. There's no pressure to complete coursework - I quite often just "audit" something I'm interested in, watching the videos but nothing else. It was a great way of waking my brain up again after years at home.

All the best to you

I am not sure about education opportunities, but when it comes to childcare and general help, it might make sense to go to your local library council to ask about sure start or young mum's groups and see if you can find a network of friendships who will be willing to help out with childcare.

You should be very proud of yourself to want to give your give a better start in life and remember that you are very young and you will catch up with your peers before you know it.

I totally sympathize, I also had to drop out for different reasons and I was older (16). So I had more of an education. But my dream of uni and getting school qualifications was dashed. I was totally unqualified for anything. And had no confidence. Age 27 I went for a course to learn how to type, but all they had was an IT course. I’d never touched a PC.
My children were older. But I had to work around them for lectures, tutorials, etc. it was veryhard, but my children were in school, which helped. That turned into a HND, which then turned into Degree. 4 years in total. I now have an IT career and am currently working abroad. My DC are grown, and in the same area of work.
Yes you can do it, you are literate and have the ability and desire. Start planning now, start looking at funding, what you are entitled to and what requirements for entry. You are already picturing what you are good by to be doing. You may not be able to start right now, but get a plan for when the DC start school. Decide what area of work you want to be in. Maybe do GCSEs or A levels. Get a professional certificate and see what it leads. One foot in front of the other.

You are very literate. Whatever you lack in formal education, I suspect you make up in basic intelligence. I'm saying that as nit-picky proofreader/editor - you express yourself really well.

Go and nab yourself some qualifications. Either sign up for access courses, or just put yourself in for English and Maths GCSEs and shout out to people on here to help you pass them.

I'm going a online acsess course let me know if you want and details you have to do a maths and English assessment. so have only done one unit and I'm not confident about the full thing but I'm trying hard and I'm proud of myself for that at least. I do have GCSE there is a part where you fill in what qualifications you have I'm not sure what would happen if you didn't have any but worth looking into it says about 10 hours a week work. I had to do a assignment where I researched university's and the ones I looked at did ask for GCSE so it might be worth looking at the courses you are interested in as if you need them I would start with GCSE if you can. I believe if you go the college you can get help with childcare costs so that might be worth looking into aswell. Good luck with what ever you decide

I hesitate to advise as I had every educational advantage available but I would say that you have lots on your side. You are young, you are determined, you write well and you are smart (judging by what you’ve written here). You’ve also got grit.

It sounds as though the essential GCSEs are a good idea. Will your toddler be eligible for free childcare soon?

Or, if you are attracted to engineering, would it be worth swapping the job in the coffee shop for some sort of work in a construction company or alongside a tradesman just to get more practical work that might lead to an apprenticeship ? I know literally nothing about this as is probably obvious but it sounds like there might be more prospects there than in the coffee shop.

FWIW I employ 40 people - most of whom have at least one degree. The majority have a postgrad also. But two of my best team members left school at 16 with, in one case, no qualifications and in the other, the bare minimum. But they both came up through non traditional routes and made their mark through graft and being smart. Both earning significant salaries now.

I did my maths functional skills for free at a children's centre whilst my children were toddlers then got funding for a level 3 diploma in the area I wanted to work in, then when my kids were both at school and childcare was more affordable for us all found a job in a school so I get the holidays with them. I'm far from self sufficient but DH & I both work and as much as I enjoyed bringing up my kids I love going to work, making a difference and setting a good example to my kids. Not an astronomical success story but I'm happy & fulfilled! Good luck OP 

As others have said, go back and get your education to start. You’re only 24 and obviously intelligent, capable, resilient and articulate. A perfect mature-age student in fact.

I used to teach an introductory university program for mature age students wanting to do a degree. I loved my students - they had life experience, commitment and, having missed chunks of their education for various reasons, really valued the opportunity. They went on to successfully complete degrees. Universities offer mature age entry, so that’s worth exploring.

If you’re worried about returning to study, check around and see if there are programs which are building blocks for people going back into education. Online programs might suit you - you seem to have the personal motivation to make good use of online learning.

You could even start with something like Coursera, which is a consortium of universities bringing together free, online education programs. They’re proper education programs and some of them are assessed and provide certificates for a fee.

You can use Coursera to build study skills.
www.coursera.org/courses?query=Writing%20essays&ranMID=40328&ranEAID=TnL5HPStwNw&ranSiteID=TnL5HPStwNw-oV.QQh9B7GeLHQ1V56Y.ug&siteID=TnL5HPStwNw-oV.QQh9B7GeLHQ1V56Y.ug&utm_content=10&utm_medium=partners&utm_source=linkshare&utm_campaign=TnL5HPStwNw

The free courses might be a way of testing the waters for further study to see what you enjoy.
www.lifehack.org/articles/money/25-killer-sites-for-free-online-education.html

Could you also explore the management options at your current job? Is there some way you could be management stream more flexibly? Depending on the workplace, management stream often offers further training on the company’s dime. And management looks good on your CV. 😄

And while it’s not a female example; my dad left school at 15 and went to work. He finished his secondary education when he was in his forties and did a computing qualification in his 70s.

You might also think about starting your own business, leveraging the skills you have. Women are very good at small business and local councils and government often have a range of programs to help you get started. If you have a good idea or a skill, could you leverage that into a business?

You’re young, you have the time. You can aim as high as you want, you don’t have to limit yourself because circumstances were against you early on.

I missed bits of your OP. You have a child and random shifts, so that makes it hard. But as a family unit investing in your progress will enable the whole family to function better. You need time to study, so your partner needs to help you achieve that time. Even a couple of hours a week to complete an online program will help you.

And your child will eventually be at school, so you can start planning your future now, knowing that you’ll have a little more time eventually.

The other thing which occurred to me is that you might benefit from a mentor. Is there a woman in your local community you admire? Or someone you know who has succeeded against the odds. Or someone who replies on here you like the sound of?

Mentoring doesn’t need to be onerous and most successful women I know are happy to lend their experience to be a sounding board and offer ideas. And people are often very flattered to be asked - even a coffee once a month might help to keep your fire burning.

Hi OP

Not sure if its still the case but in the past at 26 you would be classified as a mature student and then formal entry requirements to uni courses can change. By that I mean you don't need A levels but can apply on interview, life/work experience, an internal assessment etc.

I left school with one GCSE and managed to get a very good degree. I only took my maths GCSE this year after I graduated from uni.

have you thought of looking for an apprenticeship? my local authority seem to offer a lot, they are not well paid but it may give you a foot in the door and perhaps a route to support to enter Higher education in a few years.

Thank you everyone for the replies :) I've read them all carefully. To answer some questions:

Ds is 19 months - as far as I'm aware he has to be 3 before we get to free childcare - so April 2020 if I'm right but please correct me if I'm wrong!

Blanketbox It's not impertinent at all to say no more kids - ds was a bit of a surprise and as much as I love him I don't think I could ever have any more! It would be the death of any study/career lol.

BettyDuMonde I love your story, and congratulations! I would have loved to see the advisors face

Waterparc Thank you and I'm glad you said - I originally wanted to go into zoology but someone advised me not to for the exact same reason as you said with forensics. Shame all the fun ones are so popular! I think you're right, engineering is the way to go.

rightreckoner I did ask to go into an apprenticeship job with the kitchen fitting company when I worked there - actually out learning to do the job. they turned me down as they didn't feel it was a fitting female role. I'm glad they did now (though not for the reasons they did). I'm not sure what role in engineering I want to go for but there's many many ranging from working with film production to sustainable living construction.

Thank you again everyone for the replies

You're best bet is probably an access course. Universities really like potential students who have done them because you need a will of iron to get them done, something you seem to have in buckets.

You can get funding to do the course, which is wiped out if you complete the degree afterwards and you will get help with childcare costs as well. Student loans will also help with childcare when you go to university. Have a look at local universities and see if they do a foundation year for the courses you want to do. If they don't, your local FE college should do some kind of access courses, and they will also put you through your maths and English GCSE.

It is possible to do this, please let me know if I can be of any further help.

I have no experience in this area (adult education) at all. But when I was on maternity leave, if someone had posted in my local Facebook group that they were looking for someone who maybe able to offer (say) 20-30 mins help a week to help you through GCSE Maths, I would have offered! Have you tried that? You could possibly bring your DC with you.

I went to Uni aged 34, a single parent to a 4 yo, dyslexia and no relevant qualifications. I rang them up and talked my onto the course I wanted. It was very, very hard but 5 years later I did get a masters degree and I now have a career that I love. I had a few things in my favour - namely low tuition fees, decent student loans and child tax credit.

I do know a very successful lady who never went to school and has no qualifications at all. She runs a niche organic product manufacturing company. All she did is spot a gap and for it. She is, like you, articulate, clever and very ambitious.

DancelikeEmmaGoldman Thank you for the resource links! I've saved them and will check them all out tomorrow. I do actually have a small "business" on the side - I studied taxidermy a lot in my teen years (you know when I should have been at school ) and I revamp and sell on vintage pieces and upcycle vintage furs in my spare time. It makes good profit when I do sell it but is obviously dependant on finding time to do it. I'd rather use the time right now to study to be honest.

Dp is always supportive of studying when I bring it up (fairly often) but every time there's even a tiny clash of his work against my work or studying he gets very angsty - in his mind bringing in his wages (which pays the main bills) is above all else and it's caused many arguments in the past, but that could be a whole other thread. He'd be very supportive if it didn't clash with his shifts.

I don't have a mentor, but there are several people online I follow who are very inspirational! And threads like this always help.
Cheryl Strayed is probably my biggest inspiration - came from a very poor background and is now a very successful writer.