Can I ask you uneducated women for your success story?

[WhiteCoyote]

Because I need inspiration from real life women, perhaps no or little education, who have made it for themselves - paying their own rent or mortgage, relying entirely on themselves financially/supporting their families on their own wage. I'm not talking millionaires, just earning enough to be happy and secure.
I started a thread a while back asking advice as my dp didn't want me to return to work after our son was born, and I had so so many inspirational and helpful replies. It really gave me hope and helped me to realise that I neither wanted to rely on dp financially nor should I have to if I didn't want to.
The problem is I'm struggling to find my way to a well paying job given my complete lack of education. There's plenty of stories of famous women (Oprah Winfrey, Coco Chanel etc) but I honestly can't connect to them.

I'll try to make this as short as possible but I want to give some background;

My mum took me out of school when I was 11. She was suffering from what I thought was post natal depression after giving birth to my two brothers, but looking back now I think she's been depressed my entire childhood. I don't think she was coping too well and needed some support at home, hence taking me out of school. I received no further education even though I begged both my parents on several occasions to go back to school. Neither bothered home schooling me.

I only got my first job at 16 in a kitchen fitting company as my dad was a company director. It's just as well as nowhere would even look at my CV (understandably.) He was a high functioning alcoholic and we had many arguments, he kicked me out at 17.
I went through a couple of shitty relationships, was made redundant from the company and lost the flat I was sharing with an abusive arsehole, ended up going "fuck all this shit" and moved to a completely unknown town 150 miles away (the very short version of my reckoning at the time).

I am now 24 and have a toddler. I work part time in a high street coffee chain, which I love a lot of the time but is really fucking emotionally draining. My manager wants me to come back full time and go into management, but the cost of childcare is more than my wages. Management wages are hardly more than minimum wage, which is why I'm reluctant to do it. Dp and I work on a basis where I work on his days off (shift work). It's hard but it's working at the moment.
My dp has a decently paid job that covers the main bills and some small savings and my job covers the food bills and small things, tv licence, life insurance, phone bill etc. We're getting by but that's it really, we can't get a mortgage and we couldn't afford a holiday abroad. Our landlord had just told us he's thinking of selling our flat - this is the second time in two years this has happened. It will be our 3rd move in 3 years and we're sick of it.

I have an incredibly blessed life (sorry I know mners hate that phrase) now I am grateful for. For what I've been through, I've done ok. We're very privileged. But I don't feel like it's enough - I don't mean materially, but in the way I feel so fucking wasted and want to be a functioning citizen and contribute to society. I love my son but being a mostly stay at home mother horrifies me.
I want to study. I want to learn something new and above all I want to be a proper human again. I want to work in forensics or engineering or something and do something worthwhile - and above all, to provide for my whole family. I want to make a stand for feminism and earn just as much if not more than my dp. I want a mortgage and financial security for us, I want my son to go to whatever the hell Uni he wants to and provide him with every single opportunity.

Without even GCSEs though it looks hard. I'm not saying it to be negative or put a downer on it, but what chances do I really have? I took a quiz on the Open University site about what courses would be suitable for me and my ability, and it suggested that open university courses may not be suitable for me until other basic education is achieved.
I have been doing some of their free courses nonetheless (basic maths and English skills) and it's impossible with a toddler around. I get interrupted every 3 minutes and end up getting nothing done. I get some done when he's napping, but no more than 5 hours a week.
I applied for the free adult learning courses at the local college this time last year, they told me they were already full for the September just gone. I can try again this year and I'm trying to remain positive. I really am.
Even if I get through though, how is it going to work with childcare and utterly random shift patterns and working long hours and no days off? Dp has no family capable of providing childcare and my family are too far away. We need both of our wages currently to stay afloat.

Women who have made it, how did you do it? Please give me some hope and inspiration, because days like this I find myself feeling so angry and trapped. Maybe there's other options I don't know of yet.

ThistleAmore Thank you very much

JohnMcCainsDeathStare I've never even heard of the company before - I'll definitely consider it an option. Thank you for the help offer!

So I had another conversation with dp today - I asked to borrow £20 off his credit card as my cat got into a fight last night and had to have an emergency vet appointment which cost me £120. It's left things tight this month and he bemoaned the lack of money (not particularly at me, as in household finances in general) and I suggested to him that if I went into study or an apprenticeship in the next few months then perhaps in the next few years I could have a job good enough that we wouldn't have to worry over something that would be a trivial matter to other people.
His solution is that I quit my job and he could work overtime to make up the difference. He also suggested that it wouldn't be fair on our son to not wait until he was in school at least.
I think we'll need to sit down and have a good long chat about this. Sigh.
I think in his mind, things are complicated enough as they are (to be fair juggling my shifts around his is a pretty complex thing at times) and if I added another time consuming layer on it's just more stress.

I will be looking at apprenticeships as well, and hopefully find something that can work both with our finances and working hours/childcare.

You've all given me a lot to think about though, and shown me many different options. I can't wait to post back here in a couple of years telling you how far I've gone

Dear WhiteCoyote, I can’t wait to hear of your successes! I am very sure there will be many.

It does sound like you need to get DP onboard more. I would prioritise getting your Maths and English GCSEs (or the less academic equivalent- functional skills I think?)

I'm not sure your DP has thought this through much in terms of how onboard he needs to be. I wouldn't do anything unilateral just yet but you need to make it clear just how much your personal and professional development means to you and how much it will benefit the family in the long term.

I wonder if he is still hung up on being the provider. I'm not saying he won't be ameanable to change but I have known too many people who'd rather be king of a dunghill rather than a squire in a castle if you see what I mean. Also, I would hold back on mentioning this just yet but that if he isn't on board he'll become the load and in that case you'd do it by yourself if you have too.

... when I returned to work, he asked me if I could ever earn £350-400 a week like he does. I told him if I did, would he be happy to stay at home 24/7 like he wanted me to - the question did startle him and make him think. While I think he'd be put out as not having the role of provider and protector anymore, I think he's big enough of a person to tell himself to get on with it.

I feel really hesitant about wading into this. Especially when there is already so much good advice here. You seem so nice OP, and so already part of the "educated" world - I suspect other posters too are hesitating to probe more deeply or give any impression of questioning your very youthful judgement. But one of the dis/advantages of being as ancient as I am is that one can see ridiculously far around corners - particularly on other people's behalf.

A thing I used to see written down occasionally was that "it's as easy to love a rich man as a poor one". A reprehensible sentiment of course! However ...

The tiniest, tiniest first steps on your road to intellectual fulfilment will take you far beyond your DP's position in the world. You don't say anything about his background - but unless he's either a very laid back trustafarian or a refugee only recently arrived in the UK many people reading this thread will think you have chosen someone singularly unambitious to base your life around. And it's still the case that a woman's place in society is predominantly tied to her male partner's education and income.

His salary is really tiny. You will outpace him rapidly. You've said you think he'll get on with /over it. Good luck with that. Because even if he comes to appreciate your greater earning power I am not at all sure he will be comfortable once you start flexing your brain. And hanging out with people who do that for fun and for a living.

How supportive of your progress has he actually been?

QuaterMiss you're talking as if OP has just finished her masters. She works part time in a coffee shop and has no qualifications, iirc. He's a bus driver. He's always going to be able to find work, even if they move elsewhere in the country. There's a significant age gap but I'm assuming he's the child's father.
Your post sounds snotty, quite frankly. This bloke, who none of us know, is working shifts to pay the rent. OP wants bigger and better things but has little time to devote to studying and even less money to throw at it. A partner with a stable job is a good thing, even better that he works shifts. Perhaps he could work nights while she does an apprenticeship job in the day and the child is at school (to have time for him to sleep properly).
£350 a week is not to be sneered at, being a bus driver is not to be sneered at, and suggesting he'll be uncomfortable with OP being an intellectual is just basic snobbery.

£350 a week is roughly £21,000 p.a. £400 is £25,000. Average salary for a Costa store manager is £22,000. The bus driver job will include overtime, at greater than flat rate for most bus operators. So far it makes sense for him to continue full time, and maybe OP to be a supervisor/team leader/manager part time for a little extra money. That might not be possible, though, as shifts might become less flexible if OP has to open /close/cover the shop.
Part time childcare at £400 a month isn't feasible if they are only just covering bills now. What might be an idea is to move to a cheaper part of the country (to take up an apprenticeship, so find that first) and for him to move to a new depot, working nights. It really does seem like it'll have to be when the child is in school otherwise someone needs to do childcare for free... And I don't want bus drivers driving around with no sleep after looking after a child all day.
I really think it needs to be a job with training, or a paid apprenticeship, to enable OP to build a career fast. A degree isn't going to do that - it's going to cost thousands and not guarantee anything.
I'm bowing out of this one now but I wish OP all the best.

I started a thread a while back asking advice as my dp didn't want me to return to work after our son was born

Second paragraph of the OP's first post.

I'm sorry if my musing has hurt your feelings Turph. Each of us is sure to interpret a thread differently. The OP's hunger for academic learning seems to me to be burning up the screen I'm looking at. (Taxidermy is pretty damn abstract and intellectual!) So yes, given the oppportunity, she may well be completing a Masters in the not too distant future.

It sounds as if they already live in an area where the cost of living is relatively low - given what she has said about local jobs. And it doesn't really matter where they move to - her partner's earnings are unlikely to significantly increase if he's happy with the job he does now. So something else would have to change to alter her prospects. Attitudes or concrete reality, who knows?

conservativeW, look at you with the sensible advice. How does it feel to be part of a proper conversation and offer useful input, rather than your usual goady approach? Keep this up and we’ll let you eat with the grown-ups.

This thread has taken a turn, which is a shame. There’s be loads of good advice here, but only the OP can decide her direction. And with employment and education, there’s really no, “you can’t get there, from here”.

Honest work is good, whether you’re a nuclear physicist, make coffee or drive a bus. I worked as a cleaner to pay my way through university and learned a lot from it - I’m not at all ashamed of it.

Taking up an apprenticeship might be a short-term goal to get a decent career, but there’s nothing to say that you can’t elect for further education in ten years. At 24, time is in your side.

Or you could go straight into study and combine that with other work.

I’m all for being pragmatic, earning a living is important, but there are short-term and long-term plans.

The important thing is that you’ve seen some possible pathways and know that you can achieve your goals.

And perhaps had some reassurance that you have the capacity to succeed.

Op l am a adult literacy volunteer and a lot of the people l work with left school early either due to illness or family circumstances. None of them can write as well as you. Its amazing you can do that so well with no formal education since that age.
I absolutely love volunteer tutoring of adults who want a second chance and wonder could you get a volunteer in your area to bring you on to the next step.

You don't write as thought you left school at 11 so please do not be so down on yourself.

First a story, then an idea.

I met my friend M when we worked at the same place. M had messed up school, spent a couple of years having a fine life working part time in KFC and spending the rest high on various drugs.

At 19 she found out she was pregnant and stopped the drugs. She continued in working behind bars, in shops etc.

When I met her her child was 11 and she had taken a short course offered via the job centre and was then taken on by the company that ran the course.

We hit it off but we both ended up on sick leave, I went to work part time and studied a teaching qualificatin part time.

She had a long time on sick leave and then went to her local college to do an HND. As a mature student whe didn't need A Levels. After her HNC she went to the local uni to top up to a degree and got a 2:1.

She now works 4 days a week in a job she loves.

OK as for the plan.

Have a look at Access courses, you will be eligable to do one but the courses are normally full time. You can get some funding towards it that usually includes child care.

If you cannot commit to that then the Open University also has Access courses, from what you say you may well be bale to study for free

www.open.ac.uk/courses/do-it/access

You can start a course in February

If this is too much you will be eligable to take GCSE maths and English at your local FE college.

Oh and ignore conservativeW, she has no idea what she is talking about, GCSEs are level 2 for a start.

Engineering is much more open to the apprenticeship route than a number of other professional careers. This may be a shorter route for you to earn money while you study and a number of apprenticeships then lead onto degrees which are sometimes sponsored. Other than googling engineering apprenticeships, I would also look at who are the biggest employers around you and then contact/research them to ask if they have an apprenticeship scheme. Good luck, you’ve got the drive so you will get there!

ConservativeW is a (male) troll who turns up at midnight or thereabouts every single Saturday to tell us that everyone hates feminists.

Your DP has a sigificant age gap. I suspect you are going to have to lay things on the line as I wonder if he still sees you as a young, dependant wife. How is he with his child? Could he not embrace the thought of spending more time with them.
After all, bus-driving can be found wherever you are - my dad was also a bus driver too. I wonder if he is existentially anxious about a percieved loss of status amongst his peers - do you ever meet his friends?

What I am trying to say is that you two can have a wonderful future if he will support you, and if he doesn't then he'll miss out since you WILL go it alone without him if necessary.

Good luck OP. You sound clever and determined.

Something else that may be worth thinking about is coding.

You can learn on your own or online in a community and you can end up with a fantastically paid job.

I heard of a scheme in the States which if you could find something similar in the UK could be perfect

lambdaschool.com/

I’ll have a research and see if I can find some for the UK too.

Intrigued to know what became of this smart young lady. I went back to uni at 30 (no kids though) and am now in my final year of psychology so I’m pondering life and reading some interesting posts like this one to motivate me!

Good on you, OP. These things are about 75% attitude, and I admire your determination and desire to achieve your goals.

It may take a while, but I'm sure you will be able to do this.

Access course is going to be necessary, by the sounds of it, which is perfectly sensible - I have quals from school, but took - and failed - the uni entrance test for an OU course. So although I'm qualified to take a degree, I am not actually able! We forget things very quickly! So I would look into that as a first step.

All the best and good luck!

Have a look at techmums.co/about/