Please stop, these boards are destroying my health

[Stoptheworldplease2018]

Dear Feminists

I first came on to mumsnet because I was physically assaulted by a "transgender" activist. I got all the "usual" responses and was informed of a multitude of different acronyms, words and descriptors I had never come across. The rabbit hole went so very very deep. Two years on, the feminists boards are still dominated by the "trans" agenda and as I have severe PTSD I find it difficult not to read them but when I do I become unwell again. It is like an itch that will not go away. I want to scratch it but know I shouldn't. Please please consider how these boards negatively impact the mental health of others. It is so disturbing to read so many threads about horrific incidents involving sexual abuse, physical assaults etc. I can here you yelling - well just don't read them - I really do not want to but like I say it is like the itch that will not go away. We all know every argument, every discussion point, every concern, can you not just put such discussions elsewhere for example in feminist theory where you could devise a theory to meet the challenges? I am so very very tired and cannot deal with the trauma anymore. Thank you for reading.....

Everything, is potentially a trigger to someone.
For me it is " Joop" aftershave.
I doubt that I can stop it being produced and sold.

PTSD is not an " itch" as described by OP.
I don't have an "itch" to run into Boots and have a whiff of a" Joop" sampler.

People with forms of PTSD, DO NOT actively seek out being triggered.

I do agree, however, that the OP needs help.

F4
Nobody has to "make up" incidents of trans people attacking women. They do it in.broad daylight and encourage others to do it too on social media.
Get over yourself. Being trans doesnt give you the right to attack people without consequence any more than anyone else attacking op.

Op you need to step away from mn for a while. You dont seem to be benefiting from it at all. As pp said try Nm they never discuss feminist issues its like they dont exist. Plenty of other topics to.discuss safely for you if you need to chat with people for your own enjoyment. I do not mean that in a nasty way. I get great pleasure chatting on mn to people i have come to consider good friends and we support each other through good and bad. Maybe you could find that elsewhere for a while without the temptation of the feminist boards.

I am sorry you feel so hellish. I hope you get help from some of the suggestions on here. But i suspect you know what you are asking is impossible. We need to keep the discussion open and allow women to see what TAs are trying to do to us. We need to stand up and fight our corner for ourselves, for our daughters and for peoole who have been hurt like you.

Stay strong.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low and anxious but the premise of your post is, I'm afraid, unreasonable and quite illogical.

1. Mumsnet is probably the least transfriendly place on the internet and possibly in real life too. Most people here think and feel the same way you do.

2. It's impossible for people not to post based on whether or not their post will upset someone. It probably will. There are people on this board who will be triggered, traumatised or upset by discussion of: infidelity, infertility, disability, rape, abuse, crime, poverty, child death, mental health concerns and more. All those conversation topics can't and shouldn't be shut down.

3. You should be able to get help for PTSD without mentioning the identity of the person who attacked you. It's irrelevant that they were trans. The point is that you have PTSD due to an assault on you. That should get you into counselling and you can discuss the specifics of your case with an individual therapist later. Stop focusing on the attacker with your enquiries and focus on your own symptoms - they would be similar whoever your attacker was. It's a mental health issue, not a transphobic/anti trans issue.

I have ptsd from csa but I wouldn’t demand other survivors shut up to not upset me. It’s my responsibility to manage my triggers, as it is an alcoholics responsibility to avoid there not demand all pubs shut down to meet their needs.

This discussion needs to be had, stop trying to silence women.

Without meaning to be rude, I have to question whether the OP is genuine the whole post seems a little odd.

If I’m wrong about this, I can only say If these boards affect you so much you should stay away from them. I hope you get the help you need.

I’m a little suspicious. I’ve been in and out of the mental health service for years, and they’ve worked with me on changing my behaviour to try and limit triggering situations. I really struggle to believe that they’d kick you out the door because they’ve swallowed the trans stuff. I can well believe they’ve fobbed you off because they’re too stretched and they’re looking for an excuse not to take you on however. Do you think OP that that might be the reason?

I have had conversations with my care coordinator about how all this stuff is affecting my mental health. She didn’t express any views one way or the other but she listened to me and we talked about how I could limit the potential for making things worse.

My best suggestion is to go back to your mental health team and complain. Ask to see a different person this time. The first time I was referred I was seen by a homophobic nurse. He basically said all my problems were down to my being a lesbian. I rang the hospital and demanded to be seen again, by a doctor this time, which they arranged. There were more cock ups and delays before I got treatment but seeing that second doctor got the ball rolling.

You are however being ridiculous if you expect an Internet forum to change because it upsets you. I’m sorry it triggers you so much, but it’s your responsibility to limit or stop your access. What you are asking here is no different to what the TRAs are asking, namely that people change their behaviour, alter and curtail their speech and ignore what’s under their noses because it hurts your feelings. I’m afraid your own feelings are your responsibility, and you should not be expecting others to carry any of that emotional labour for you.

I’m sorry if you’re suffering OP. PTSD is horrible, and it’s just so hard not to poke at it, especially when a situation is ongoing, but you need to find a way to limit your exposure. If you must look on here then set a timer for 20 minutes each day, then you can keep up without becoming overwhelmed, then close your browser when the timer goes off, or as others have suggested, block the boards or MN altogether. It’s just like conquering any other damaging habit, it takes discipline and willpower.

Good luck OP if you are indeed genuine, and I’m sorry to question it if you are, but your posts have got my spidey senses tingling.

To anybody else who might be suffering with their mental health due to the current situation, please don’t hesitate to seek help. It can be hard to find because the NHS are so over subscribed, but I don’t believe for a second that you will be rejected on ideological grounds. There are plenty of other organisations to reach out to, and the help is out there if the NHS can’t or won’t help.

Thank you to all who have provided signposts to organisations such as the Freedom Project, this is something I will look into. I am currently preparing a formal complaint about the manner in which I have been treated by our local NHS mental health services - this complaint is being addressed to the Ombudsman. The local Trust sent a response which was totally inadequate and did not address the real issues, they even quoted the Equality Act of 2010 and declared that "transgender" is a protected characteristic, which of course I immediately challenged. By not receiving appropriate mental health interventions I did come on to these boards in the hope of trying to find out more about the ideology and how people are affected by it and what they did to recover from trauma if they were personally affected. I apologise if my OP read like a "command" to stop talking, please be assured that was not my intent. Last night (well at 4am this morning) I was in a really bad way and came online because I got fed up with looking at the ceiling. It was then that it dawned on me that part of my problem was as many of you have rightly stated is constantly checking the boards that often contain distressing stories. That was what I tried (badly) to get across. Please also be assured that I for one do very much appreciate the actions of the women who are able to speak out openly even though they get constantly harassed and victimised for doing do (Carol Farrow comes to mind amongst others). Today I have contacted another organisation who I am dearly hoping will be able to help, please keep up the good fight as for reasons stated I really do need to step away until my mental health improves.

Stoptheworldplease2018 and good luck. These sound like really important self-care steps.

That's good to hear.

I think it would be good to back off from questioning posts.

The OP has said she needs to step away. Can we please respect that?

@MNHQ

This thread needs to end, really.

Good luck with your complaint Stop.

Take care if yourself hope you get all.the help you need.

Hi OP,

I'm very sad and sorry to hear you have had such a major trauma inflicted on you.
I too have been assaulted (sexually) though not by a trans person. I can however relate to some of the things you are saying and feeling.

Asking people to stop posting on a certain area of the forum is nothing to help you. You will still actively seek out stuff. And that's okay. It's part of your brain trying to make sense of what has happened. You are trying to deal with this. I did the same. I kept searching for my perpetrator on Google, I looked on websites he was on, I looked on Facebook at photos of him. Someone else looking in would have wondered why on earth I was punishing myself. Why would I do that? I was just processing. It's all necessary and part of healing. You are confronting the thing that has hurt you.

You must must MUST have counselling for this. After my assault, I was put in touch with a specific counselling service. The police put me in touch with them. They were called CRASAC (Cornwall Rape and Sexual Abuse Counselling) but I'm sure you will have an equivalent of wherever you are. Get in touch with them. If you are in contact with the police, please ask them for their details and get them to start things up.

CBT will not work for this. You need a very specific type of counselling. CBT may work later after you have pieced things together.

Again, I'm so sorry you've been through this. Please don't worry about clicking on things. In time you will recognise how much hurt this causing and you will be able to restrain yourself. But for now, it's a necessary part of the process. Try not to but it's okay if you do.

We've had a number of reports about this thread. In light of the OP's last post we're going to suspend posting on the thread while we get in touch behind the scenes.