Please stop, these boards are destroying my health

[Stoptheworldplease2018]

Dear Feminists

I first came on to mumsnet because I was physically assaulted by a "transgender" activist. I got all the "usual" responses and was informed of a multitude of different acronyms, words and descriptors I had never come across. The rabbit hole went so very very deep. Two years on, the feminists boards are still dominated by the "trans" agenda and as I have severe PTSD I find it difficult not to read them but when I do I become unwell again. It is like an itch that will not go away. I want to scratch it but know I shouldn't. Please please consider how these boards negatively impact the mental health of others. It is so disturbing to read so many threads about horrific incidents involving sexual abuse, physical assaults etc. I can here you yelling - well just don't read them - I really do not want to but like I say it is like the itch that will not go away. We all know every argument, every discussion point, every concern, can you not just put such discussions elsewhere for example in feminist theory where you could devise a theory to meet the challenges? I am so very very tired and cannot deal with the trauma anymore. Thank you for reading.....

I'm confused, why wouldn't mind take you on? Because your fear is trans-related? I haven't seen a lot of championing on here either for trans - quite the opposite. Many threads about petitioning protecting the safety of women in safe spaces etc. Public forums can be very very harsh, if it's affecting you I definitely would hide whatever threads you can otherwise you're just purposefully torturing yourself. Take it from someone who knows- continuously looking at all the bad stuff only serves to make things mentally far far worse.

X post, my apologies. Have you been to your GP? They may be better placed to better advise on how you can receive the most appropriate help.

Yes have been to GP, was referred to Immediate Home Care Team after I collapsed with the stress, had 3 follow up visits to hospital team then discharged. No support actually given, mental health team useless as it was "trans" related and they have swallowed the ideology hook line and sinker.

Have the Samaritans actually refused your call?
Peaktrans.org I expect will not be much help to you in your current state but maybe the person who runs it under Contact might be able to refer you to support groups, long shot.
Although your circumstances may be very different I'm sure the women on here would potentially be a safe place to just talk - I often think just talking about the trauma somewhere safe can take the power out of it (in my case childbirth trauma) but there's a fine line I know between talking and reliving. I wish you luck.

sorry, link:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3101834-trans-widows-escape-committee?pg=35

This is not meant as ‘ goady’ - it’s a genuine question.
Why on earth are you still coming on mumsnet if it’s affecting you so badly?
There’s women who have PTSD from so many different situations- You have my deep sympathy for the awful event you suffered but the huge juggernaut that is MN will keep rolling on and the individuals have to change what they do rather than expect tens of thousands to change.

I really really think that since it makes you so ill and you have zero luck in avoiding it then you have no option but to block mumsnet and to stop torturing yourself.
If there are not any support groups you can find then why not try to set up an online one- who better to understand what it’s like than someone who knowas firsthand?

I wish you get on the road to recovery quickly but do yourself a favour and stay off here.

I’m a bit confused by this thread and not sure what the op wants. I’m sorry you’re suffering, op, but you can’t request that every other person stops discussing things that are personally troubling to you. You just can’t.

Feel better soon.

Part of dealing with mental health issues (and I have significant experience of this) is to take responsibility for what you can do. Taking control of something, however small, can be incredibly empowering and healing.

In this instance look at what is possible. Changing the behaviour of strangers or changing your own? There’s only one thing you have any control of in that and it’s your behaviour. You have to find a way to avoid what is so distressing for you, in the short term at least, and hiding these boards will do that.

In the meantime don’t give up on the therapy. There will be an organisation that will help you. Maybe one of the women’s ones? Or you could try online workbooks or similar? I know they sound trite and when I was at my illest I rejected any suggestion of them but they do help.

mindtws.org.uk/trans-plus/

If you want someone to talk to

It's shocking to hear that mental health services won't give you the help you deserve. Because of your views on trans issues? Because you were assaulted by a trans person? That's crazy, and disgraceful. I'm sure there is law to say how wrong this is.

She doesn't want a trans ally - she wants the opposite: namely someone to discuss the assault on her by a trans activist. Unless I really was brain dead when I read this. There are no support groups I could find on this, potentially because there are more assaults on trans people than by trans people but without statistics - and statistics classified by sex rather than identity - it is difficult to come up with concrete numbers (collation is being done by transcrimeuk.com) for either side.

I am surprised that the Samaritans or Victim Support phone lines have an agenda however.

I'm sorry you are struggling OP, my partner also had a hard time with her mental health when posting on FWR (for different reasons).

MN can be like any unhealthy addiction and these boards can be quite ferocious. Recognising where the problem lies is a really positive first step.

If you are strong enough to delete your account then please do it, otherwise please go back to your GP, Mind or the Samaritans.

Good luck.

Another Friday, another thread with an anti-FWR-board title on active conversations...

I really do think transactivism is truly affecting the mental health of many women. There is a heavy layer of anxiety that weighs me down almost every day that I know is in direct relation to my knowledge of males trying to force their way into the category woman and lesbian. Looking all around you at friends and organizations and parties that you supported for so long supporting gender identity is terrifying. As a victim of sexual assault it is terrifying. One day I left my colleges LGBTQ club and just cried for an hour at the blatant misogyny and homophobia I witnessed. I decided I just couldn't go back. I think you have to acknowledge the limits of what you can and can't handle. I've joined many gender critical spaces over the years and to this day they still cause me anxiety. Sometimes it is too much and I have to step away from them.

I'm sorry you are hurting OP. I really do believe that you are experiencing mental anguish, but you cannot expect women to stop talking about these topics because they are incredibly upsetting to you. Women continue to talk about them because they ARE hurting women and the only way that things will be better is if women are able to continue discussing them.

I think you must take the advice of earlier posters and hide these topics or take time away from mumsnet completely.

When I was healing I turned to women’s arts as the help I was offered made things worse. If you don’t know how to do them, go to your local library (yes, I know they are closing, but there is usually one in a big town).
Doing a bit of crocheting can teally help and due to the attention needed can be really distracting

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse

I wondered that too. Making it look like women are harming other women with these discussions; making women responsible for how other women feel.

If they claim to care about women so much...

I'm probably wrong but this is just another attempt to silence women and place the responsibility for other people's happiness on women.

So you want to shut down the one and only place you would be 100% supported? What about the abused women that need that support?

Telling us all to shut up and go away because it hurts your feelings is exactly what the TRA do.

I'm really sorry you are feeling this way . This whole situation is completely demoralising. I have also got teary and emotional, and frankly have had difficulty sleeping. A lot of these responses are giving good advice, everyone at some point needs to step away from parts of the internet. Personally I'm beginning to feel the black cloud of depression starting to creep back and am planning different ways to help bring back positivity in my life.

I'm sorry that you feel your pleas for help are being ignored by the very institutions we are encouraged to contact when we feel overwhelmed and in crisis. Sadly even in countries with good healthcare, mental health care is underfunded and under resourced.

Please put yourself first. Take some time for you. The benefits of exercise, healthy food and a good nights rest can't be underestimated. Obviously if you are feeling overwhelmed, just small changes little by little. Baby steps. Finding something creative that you enjoy or you've always wanted to learn can be really beneficial because we are engaging a different part of our brain. Creativity helps to express emotions. No need to sign up for a class if you're feeling anxious. Look for books at the library or check out related YouTube tutorials.

You'll get there. Have faith hugs

You dont solve the problems that women face by not talking about them.

They can be horrendous. But that's precisely the reason why they must be talked about.

Some people might find it difficult to do so. They need mental health support and to take time out from the internet if it's affected them.

Women being asked to shut up because it's nicer for a tiny minority who have been failed by mental health support just means we should push for better mental health not shut up.

Suffering in silence helps precisely no one in the end.

Op I'm sorry you are finding life tough. Anxiety is the bane of my life. I understand how hard it can be, but life don't stop happening around me. I just find ways to cope with things I struggle with in life as best I can.

People are talking about things because they care. Not because they don't care about the well being of women.

OP I am so sorry you are going through this. You've been seriously traumatised by an assault, and the gender identity ideology is serving to compound the trauma when you try to get help. This is fucking awful, it should never happen.

I know it does though, because I'm having a very similar problem - young niece with issues caused by biomum's wholesale acceptance of the narrative, niece really needs professional help, but if the professional help buys into the narrative then the professionals will be repeating the exact same thing that's messing niece up. It's just a mess all round.

The thing is, though - if everyone stopped talking about trans issues here, you might feel slightly better (though it wouldn't solve your shitty current circumstances), but I'd be feeling a damned sight worse, because the conversation here gives me the tools to see exactly what's being done done to my niece and more importantly why.

All of which is to say: this ideology is causing a lot of women mental health issues, but this board actually functions as a way to help women with these issues. I am sorry it's not working for you at the moment, but it is not fair to suggest taking this space to talk away from the women who do find it helpful.

I really do think transactivism is truly affecting the mental health of many women. There is a heavy layer of anxiety that weighs me down almost every day that I know is in direct relation to my knowledge of males trying to force their way into the category woman and lesbian.

Yes this. It is genuinely frightening.

Op I can only say I feel for you because you should be getting support. It isn't appropriate for a huge group of women to stop talking about this very serious issue online in an open forum because it's upsetting stuff. But I do understand your desperation.

If I was you I would pick three lighter areas of MN and bookmark them then visit them directly. Reward yourself if you stick to just those each time because the brain does respond to lots of praise and enthusiasm. If you stay away from Active threads, stick on the happiest music you can find on YouTube and have a dance around the room. Be as over the top in encouraging yourself as you can. There is still lots of good out there and lots of joy.

What hobbies do you have? Are you managing to get outside. I think doing something creative every single day, however small, gives you something meaningful and positive to focus on. I am a strong believer in gardening too. When the world feels like it's going down the drain, planting some seeds and watching some growth is very very good for the soul.

Take care of yourself. And I hope you find some real life support soon.