Please stop, these boards are destroying my health

[Stoptheworldplease2018]

Dear Feminists

I first came on to mumsnet because I was physically assaulted by a "transgender" activist. I got all the "usual" responses and was informed of a multitude of different acronyms, words and descriptors I had never come across. The rabbit hole went so very very deep. Two years on, the feminists boards are still dominated by the "trans" agenda and as I have severe PTSD I find it difficult not to read them but when I do I become unwell again. It is like an itch that will not go away. I want to scratch it but know I shouldn't. Please please consider how these boards negatively impact the mental health of others. It is so disturbing to read so many threads about horrific incidents involving sexual abuse, physical assaults etc. I can here you yelling - well just don't read them - I really do not want to but like I say it is like the itch that will not go away. We all know every argument, every discussion point, every concern, can you not just put such discussions elsewhere for example in feminist theory where you could devise a theory to meet the challenges? I am so very very tired and cannot deal with the trauma anymore. Thank you for reading.....

Sorry about your PTSD.

But, in a nutshell.

1. Hide FWR.

2. Find a good therapist and talk through your use of social media in general and strategies to step back from message boards which are detrimental to your mental health.

For everyone else: remember the first rule of anonymous internet boards. Not everyone is who they say they are (not saying this about OP, just as a general thing), and so never invest more time or emotional energy, or give away more personal information, than you can afford to lose.

OP has been listened to, has had people express sympathy for her mental health problems, has had some good advice, so I suggest this thread has served its purpose and we now let it go.

What Fermats said.

I’m being dense but surely the OP needs to get therapy for the assault. Why would the likes of Mind etc care whether the assailant was male/female/purple/alien?

Something doesn’t smell right here.

As for the whole trans (?) agenda - I find it appalling that women have to give up so much to appease a small group of men when there’s other options available.

I am not convinced about the authenticity of where this poster is coming from

Shut up women you are harming me is a familiar refrain I am afraid

So I don't look completely heartless I recommend op asks HQ to give her a temporary "ban". They will do that I believe, if using the site is detrimental to an individual

I don’t understand this whole thread.

Surely you can talk to a therapist about the assault on you without particularly dwelling on your opinions on trans ideology?

I understand about being triggered. I have suffered from PTSD in the past. Kindly, you’ve got to take some responsibility for your own healing and find ways of not clicking on things that aren’t safe for you at whatever point in your journey.

it’s likeyiuve become addicted to it but at the same time it gives you no pleasure but you can’t stop. If it was alcohol you would not be able to get shops restaurants and bars to stop selling it and you wouldn’t be able to stop others drinking but you can take steps quite easily to minimise your exposure to this without expecting everyone else to stop talking about it.
Hide the feminism board, hide threads with titles that relate to it, unfollow anything on Facebook or twitter etc that upsets you. Focus on something completely different. Take steps to block this from your life, stop feeding your obsession if it upsetting you. Deprive it of oxygen.

I had a panic attack on my own in a cafe in Bulgaria when I read a MN thread that described a rape very similar to my own. It was terrifying. I didn't know anyone and I couldn't speak the language. I was helpless.

It was not MN's fault, or the poster who shared details about her rape, looking for support. I would have no right to tell her that she couldn't have that source of support.

OP if the boards are your trigger it's up to you to ignore them, not all of us to change the subject.

Why would the likes of Mind etc care whether the assailant was male/female/purple/alien?

In a personal therapy session, they wouldn't.

First rule of counselling is showing 'unconditional positive regard'. That means that however unpalatable you find what is being discussed, you don't invalidate the client by being affected by it.

It's one of the reasons counsellors/therapists are receive counselling.

I really do think transactivism is truly affecting the mental health of many women. There is a heavy layer of anxiety that weighs me down almost every day that I know is in direct relation to my knowledge of males trying to force their way into the category woman and lesbian.

So true. I post here but I have the FWR boards hidden day to day and only come here when I feel strong enough to deal with the anger and anxiety this realisation causes me.

Not everyone can cope with it, many more can only cope sometimes but those who can, when we can must, must, must keep talking and doing or the reality of our everyday lives will be so much worse for us all.

Reported.

Stoptheworldplease2018

Are you aware of The Freedom Programme?

They have been very clear about their position.

They have a helpline:
Freedom Programme to those who need it. Help 01942 262 270 [email protected]
freedomprogramme.co.uk/

They may be a good starting point for you to find meaningful support.

It’s gettin more and more obvious that these “trans terrorists” are using more and more devious ways to try and shut down opposition.
The fact that someone can take a scenario that could actually be very real to someone and twist it to their own agenda is disgusting.
Meanwhile the people who suffer? Women and genuine trans(persons).

You appear to be misreading the thread (as usual) F4.

OP has PTSD. She is finding it impossible to step away from these boards which are triggering her PTSD. (In a way the fact that it's about the trans issue is neither here nor there. It could be rape, it could be exiting prostitution, it could be domestic violence. There are a whole number of issues which are both traumatising and likely to trigger PTSD incidents on a personal level, and also politically important from a feminist perspective and thus in need of discussion.)

OP has had sympathy and some excellent advice. However, she doesn't get to shut down political debate on any issue of importance to women just because she is struggling with it.

The problem is that this is one of the only spaces women can discuss their worries. Although you find it destroying, others find it helpful in moving forward and being supported.

Can you take some advise and direction on how not to revisit the boards if they are too damaging for your mental health? At the end of the day we all need to be responsible for our own mental health.

Maybe short term look at medicating if you are unable to pull away from damaging obsessions

Love, I mean this in a nice way, don't read those threads.
It's not uncommon in PTSD to be drawn to the thing that caused the distress.
You can hide topics - go to the menu at the top, and 'customise'.
And please get mh help

Nothing useful to add for the OP but reading through this thread it occurred to me how very similar the OP's request is to the Trans agenda/ way of doing things. 'I'm in distress so I want you to be kind and do what I say and shut up/ stop doing this and that.' Witht he threat/ implication that we will do them terrible damage if we don't do as asked. I'm not saying the OP is consciously doing this, of course, but it's a familiar pattern.

I had to leave the online support groups for parents of children with my daughter’s rare illness because almost all of their children were dead. Reading post after post from bereaved parents talking about every detail of their children’s medical care, down to ml of drug doses exhausted and panicked me to the point I was no use to my daughter.

Truth is so important, but sometimes, one really doesn’t need to hear it.
However, it was on me to step away. Those parents need their truth, and them refusing to shut up is what will eventual;y bring enough attention and funding to save other people’s children.

Echo the suggestion to try the freedom project - not quite aimed at you, but certainly able to advise, and will be willing to do so.

Sorry, seen you have tried to get help. That the perpetrator was trans is irrelevant, you're traumatised by an attack - explain it like that, can you try again, maybe see if there is an advocacy organisation that can help you access help, Google mental health advocacy in your area.

The Samaritans phone line will support regardless of identity of attacker. Their training makes this very clear.

Hi op. If it's "threads I'm on" that causes some of the triggering may I suggest you dereg and rereg and dont post on trans related threads anymore? I think to dereg you go to the same option as you have done to NC for this thread.

Hth.

If you hide the topic, posts won't come up in "Threads I'm on". That is only for threads you have posted on. Likewise it won't come up in active threads.