sick to the back teeth of uncomfortable, impractical clothes

[KiteMarked]

The poem, "Dangerous Coats" by Sharon Owens has been echoing around and around in my brain this summer. For years I've struggled with fake pockets, small pockets, clothes that pinch, that ride up, that fall down, that aren't comfortable - all in the name of fashion, or what's "normal" for a woman to wear. My attention has been subconsciously been taken up with worrying about how I looked, or thinking about that delicious moment at the end of the day when I can finally rip my bra off, or what outfit I should wear, what "goes" with what. The list is endless.
I look at my DH, who doesn't consider any of these things. He wears whatever top with whatever trousers. His shoes are practical, comfortable, and long-wearing. He gets dressed, and goes about his day without another thought about what he looks like. His pockets! Aaaahh, his pockets hold all his necessities with ease, and he always has free hands/arms.
I have some sensory issues anyway, so I pass no judgement on other women's choices, but my clothes have been a source of low-to-mid-level discomfort and suffering most of my adult life.
So I'm going to step out of this box I've placed myself in. I'm going to dress for comfort and practicality. I have started replacing my jeans with men's jeans (as a pear shaped woman, I thought this would be difficult, but surprisingly Lidl brand men's jeans fit nicely, with a bit of stretch - it helps that I'm tall) and as I already liked to wear button down shirts I've started wearing my DH's castoffs or charity shop bargains. The clothes are much baggier than I'm used to. They don't show off my "figure". But I am comfortable, I have room to move and stretch without my stomach showing, my sleeves are finally long enough, my jeans are thick enough to keep me warm, I can carry my phone in my pocket without risk of it falling into the loo (!!).

In actual fact, I feel like I look a bit smarter when I dress in a shirt and jeans/trousers, while also feeling more comfortable. I'm happy with this experiment, and think I'll dress like this more often. My next experiment is with more formal clothes, because dresses often annoy me, too.

I came across this article today, which is fascinating in comparing pockets in mens vs womens clothes. pudding.cool/2018/08/pockets/#step-2

“Men have pockets to keep things in, women for decoration.”

Pockets are a feminist issue....

Incoming why are comfortable women's jeans even termed 'boyfriend' jeans though? Even the name suggests that they're appropriate for men, and that women are crossing into male territory by wearing them.

I think people who try and follow fashions will be the ones who struggle.

You're probably right. Apart from a brief daliance as a goth in the mid-90s, I never followed any fashion.
Unless it was the "woman of action outdoorsy" look, which although it probably didn't show off my figure, managed to snag me a DH!

My daughter went shopping for jeans the other day and I watched her test every single style in New Look (so about ten, nearly all marked "skinny" in some way) for proper pockets - just something that would fit her phone, really. She gave up in the end.

I threw away my last pair of heels four years ago and have never looked back. I have some fancy sandals for summer parties, but they're worn so infrequently they're in better shape than the marriage I originally bought them to celebrate

I’m surprised she couldn’t find jeans with a pocket that would take a phone, I’ve never found any issue with that. Something larger, like a purse, would be tricky but even the skinniest of jeans can accommodate a phone

I've fucked off almost everything uncomfortable in the last few years.

Hardly ever wear bras. Almost always wear leggings or maxi dresses. I only wear boots or flip flops. I'm currently at work in leggings and an XL mens tesco wooly jumper as a dress, with brown flat boots.

The older i've got the less I give a shit about what anyone thinks.

I do, however, almost always wear mascara. I much prefer how I look with it on and feel 100% better about my appearance with mascara on.

What is going on in my stupid head?

Not your stupid head. The stupid society you live in.

Bin the bra. I did this years ago and it's wonderful.

I've been meaning to start a thread about women's shoes for a while. I've been invited to a wedding next weekend and there really is hardly anything in the shops that would be considered smart enough which I would consider comfortable enough. The "smart" shoes almost all have vertiginous heels and ridiculously pointed toes. The fact that retailers don't stock half sizes also means the chance of finding a suitable shoe are non-existent.

I've actually decided to wear some shoes to the wedding which I bought in 1991 when better quality ones were more available.

Dear Chancellor if you're looking for something to tax, I would suggest high pointy shoes - hopefully that would nudge retailers to stock something more foot shaped.

I wear comfy clothes. My coat is a men's (longer in the body so no cold bum), men's walking trousers (more pockets than the women's ones), sensible shoes (Thankyou plantir fasciitis) and granny style comfy underwear.
But then I am almost 60 and therefore invisible plus I don't work in an office so can please my self.

Women should, like men, be able to dress in practical comfortable shoes and clothes without worrying if they are "attractive" or fashionable enough.

I can't and won't wear heels anymore. Never wore them much anyway as found them so uncomfortable.
Nowadays in London on the way to work, most women of all ages and ethnicities wear flat shoes, boots or trainers. It may be harder to look smart if you need to be office-y but it can be done. Heels look a bit old school tbh.

Also found I'm wearing my DP and DS clothes more and more (dunno how happy about that they are! ), as they are more comfortable.

I agree with what a PP
said though about some younger women feeling they need to look ultra glam/ feminine, especially when going out out.

My pet hate though is a seeing a woman in daytime walking in a park alongside her date; he's all comfy in trainers and a sweat top, she can barely walk in stilettos and shivering in a little too. Not judging, just find it sad. Also Meghan M, please buy some trainers, especially when playing netball!!

You're right OP, lots of women's clothing is crap, rubbish fabrics, skimpy cut and designed to be disposable once the current 'fashion' has been worn a few times. It's sad really that many women still buy this soon-to-be-binned rubbish and prioritise appearance over comfort and functionality. I can't be arsed with any of this trend nonsense, and won't wear anything which is not comfy and practical. You don't have to look like a slob, just choose more carefully, look at cut and fabric content, and pay a bit more for decent quality. I don't have a lot to spend on clothes (nor would I if I had the cash!) but it's possible to look good in a comfortable, practical way. The French fashion thread I think ties in nicely with this topic.

I'm not sure why anyone is policing the op's feminism here. It's all well and good to think 'Oh yawn, just wear what you want like I do' but many women are still compelled to wear clothes at work for which there is no male equivalent: abovethelaw.com/2018/07/high-heels-at-work-required-a-follow-up/

I bloody love clothes and I still manage to be comfortable.

I'm afraid I have to echo Floisme on this! Possibly because clothes are something I actually enjoy spending time and money on - I'm not generally aware of a compromise between comfort and looking as I wish to look.

It's true that it's quicker and easier to find simple shapes and decent quality fabrics in the men's section. Or in the wardrobes of male family menbers. But you can still find their equivalents made 'for' women - just not, usually, for £6.99 on the High Street.

Also, for me comfort doesn't necessarily mean 'loose', or 'floppy' or anything approaching scruffy. Lots of things I love - long tight sleeves, the stiffest silk or velvet, unexpected slits or laser-cut lace - aren't sold in most men's shops, but they can be amazingly comfortable as well as making one look fabulous.

It's not just work either. There's a thread on here right now from a woman who thinks her 14 year old daughter doesn't dress well enough and so lays out her clothes every morning. Apparently the daughter is happy in leggings and a hoodie...

Are you wearing the right size? I never feel uncomfortable in my clothes. My bras fit me properly and cause no discomfort, my jeans fit me and have some stretch and again no discomfort, as do trousers, skirts, dresses, tops and shirts.

I don't use pockets because I like carrying a bag, I'm comfortable with a bag.

I've no need to wear oversized men's clothes to make me comfortable. In fact it would make me uncomfortable as I'd look like a twat.

My shoes are also comfy, or I wouldn't wear them. I find it very odd all your clothes made you uncomfortable and they sound illfitting the way you've described them.

I gave up bras years ago. Used to have small boobs but they're fairly large now I'm breastfeeding. Still way more comfortable without one.

I mostly wear trainers, or boots when it's really cold.

Then jeans / leggings and some comfortable tops.

I hear you. I've started buying more men's clothes - especially their jeans, which actually have decent sized pockets! I don't like carrying a bag if I can avoid it - room for phone, small purse, keys and a lipbalm is all I need.

I like wearing nice clothes but am not bothered about brands etc. After lots of help from the wise women in S&B for a bra intervention, I now have some good bras (am a GG so they are a necessity!) which has helped my neck, shoulder and back pain.

I have bought some men's shoes as well, but I am a size 6.5 so it can be tricky finding them small enough. I do find they are more comfortable and tend to last better than the ones made for women. I haven't worn high heels for over 2 years now - I sent the last bag of them off to the charity shop a few months back.

One of the best things that I have really enjoyed about getting closer to 40 is that I find myself thinking that wearing clothes and shoes which are uncomfortable or restrict your movement, seems a bit bonkers really!

Natural fibres. Not linen. Linen is scratchy. Why is it so hard? Everything has fucking Lycra or elastane whatever. Even knickers. Men's clothes don't.

If your employer is forcing you to wear heels or anything else, that’s one thing and definitely a feminist issue and I completely support you in fighting it. Other women have succeeded in getting these rules overturned, so stick to your guns and you will too.

Aside from that, I’m afraid like other posters I’m not seeing the issue. I love clothes, and spend a reasonable but not crazy amount on them every month. I’ve worn heels about three times in the last year. From about next week until at least March, it’s unlikely that I’ll leave the house with a single bit of bare flesh showing below my neck (including my hands. Gloves are necessary). And it isn’t a problem. Nobody shuns me or laughs at me, in fact I pick up a fair number of compliments on my clothes from other women. I see lots of other people around me dressed in a fairly similar way, lots of others in heels and cold shoulder tops who either feel less pain or are prepared to suffer. And lots of people wearing everything in between, and they’re all just getting on with their lives.

We still haven’t won the battle about women being free to wear whatever they want without moral judgments being formed, or being perceived as inviting male attention and assault, and that matters, a lot. But that isn’t what you’re talking about. And I just don’t think there is any massive anti-woman conspiracy forcing you not to wear comfortable clothes. There’s just marketing, which any sensible independent adult is free to ignore.

I was reminded of the pocket issue recently when I bought my daughter a unisex sports jacket. She was over the moon that the jacket had deep pockets , she said that most of her clothing has fake pockets and she finds it annoying.

I've been frustrated lately too , I'm looking for a soft and practical navy hoodie. No decoration , so frills etc. Just a good hoodie. Could I find one? No. Dh has loads of them though...

Bertram the vast majority had fake pockets, especially at the front. It was truly ridiculous.

if you want comfortable clothes, they arent hard to find.

They can be if you are fat with a big arse and fat thighs like me. Anything that fits my thighs is far too big for my waist. Walking trousers are the worst, they never fit.

sausage yes, I was thinking that - I have the opposite problem, being apple-shaped. What fits around my waist flaps like a sail round my backside. Men's jeans are no good to me.

I find it very difficult to buy comfortable women's clothes that are natural fibres, not fussy (cold shoulder, tie waist, embroidered, flouncy etc), that will accommodate large norks but not leave acres of fabric flapping round the waist, that have decent pockets and are not £££.

As an example I have been looking for a pair of trousers for work. Ideally dark colour with no pattern, decent pockets, straight leg, in a fabric which will wash well and is not polyester-tastic. I eventually found one pair in M&S. Everything was cropped, ankle grazer, skinny or slim or tapered leg, paperbag waist, patterned, polyester or really expensive.

If you like fashion and you are slim then it is much easier to buy clothes. I am short, round and hate shopping! Places like TK Maxx are my worst nightmare!!

Trainers trainers trainers. I've always loved them. I am usually late and need to run. I hate the feeling of high heels, that I might not be able to leave a situation quickly. Ironic that in my university town I'd be called a dyke every time I went out for the night because of my trainers, but it's now apparently woke Central.

It's like women's pyjamas. I went looking for a pair the other day. I could have had: Little Mermaid, Bambi, Winnie the Pooh, or writing on the front such as 'Pink, cocktails and glitter' or 'your loss babe' . Oh and they were almost all short sleeved.

Men's pyjamas - plain, warm, long-sleeved.

Why do women have to be infantilised by their clothing?

To all of you missing the point by saying 'I don't wear that stuff, what's the problem': the problem is that the massive preponderance of this type of stuff sets expectations about what women should like, and should look like. Just because you don't participate doesn't mean it isn't happening.