Here we go (I quite enjoyed this!)
100 easy ways to make the world better for women
Let’s cut the shit – there’s no positive way a male person can dictate or speak on a life that you do not live and a world you do not have to navigate as a female person.
In a world where misconstrued ideas about female folk – what we need, what we deserve, how we should live – fall from the lips of so many male people, we need to end the debate on whether female womxn are womxn, whether we should be able to use the single sex bathrooms and changing rooms, and whether we should be parents or teachers. Because it’s not a debate. We are entitled to our human rights just as much as everyone else.
What we actually need are ears, eyes, and action. We need you to listen to our problems and our voices. We need you to be on the look out for how you can use your privilege for our benefit and not yours, and how to actively respond to, argue with, and call out sexism in your everyday conversations and the national news.
Here are 100 ways that male allies can help us. Bear in mind that this is only a start.
- Respect people’s biology. This is really not very complicated! If a female tells you they are a woman, you have no say on the matter. Don’t use cis!
- Still on biology. If you don’t know somebody’s biology, and want to get it right, either use gender neutral pronouns (i.e. they/them/their) or quietly and discreetly speak to the person and ask. Be aware of your surroundings and those around you before doing so – do not out this person or put them in an unsafe situation.
- Female folk can use gender neutral clothing, so please do not assume that we must adhere to a binary.
- Try to start removing sexist language from your everyday conversations. If we all make conscious efforts to steer away from gendering everything, this will have a knock-on effect that stops our learnt obsession of sexism.
- Women are adult human females. This is not up for debate – so don’t try to.
- Post menopausal women exist! We are often overlooked or forgotten, so try to remind yourself that we are out here and can find the world hard to navigate.
- Call out sexism WHEREVER you are! Even if a female person is not present, be our defence. Hateful language perpetuates the dangerous cycle of violence.
- Understand and be vocal that sexism is never “funny,” “in jest,” or “banter.”
- Don’t refer to us as a whole. Do not make sweeping generalisations about every female person. We are all individual people with different opinions.
10. Reject the idea that woman looks like one thing. People wish to ecpress themselves in various ways. If a female doesn’t want to or can’t wear womens clothes, this does not mean they are “less female.” There is no such thing as “less female” or “more female.” This is a personal expression that doesn’t need to tick any boxes in order for the woman to be validated – by anyone!
11. NEVER comment on our genitalia or body. “So...you look like you work out. Nice bum.” is not ever going to be OK. That is final.
12. Oh, let’s not forget that we do not all know each other. Women are half the population community.
13. Try to refrain from using language that is heavily influenced or derived from feminism if this is not your community. Words and phrases are a way of communication in code for a large majority of the feminists (like “reading”). Language creates a dialogue within the feminist community that is meant to protect and ensure safety.
14. Do not enter female safe spaces if you are a male.
15. When you are in female spaces, repeat: “This is not my space, I will not fill it” and actually do what you say.
16. Be aware of your hands. Do not touch people without consent in all spaces – and especially female spaces – and especially avoid touching female people who often are triggered by physical contact involving parts of their body.
17. If you are called out for being offensive, do not argue. This is not a debate. Apologise. Take a moment to reflect. If necessary, leave or give the space over to those you have offended or upset.
18. Never try to argue with a female person that something isn’t sexist..
19. Remind us that being female isn’t a burden or a bad thing!
20. Recognise the strength and power of your voice.
21. Now use it.
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22. If a female person is being verbally assaulted, made to feel unsafe or uncomfortable, or being attacked in any way and needs your help – open your mouth.
23. This being said, do not become the ally that speaks over or for a female person in this situation. Ask if we want you to step in because there’s nothing more frustrating than male person silencing you. It happens enough, jeez!
24. Talk to us about more than being a woman! Movies, what we had for dinner, our next holiday – anything that isn’t constant emotional labour.
25. Take us off your mood boards. In fact, stop objectifying us full stop.
26. Do not fetishise female folk. We are not your sexual experimentations, tokens, or reason to rebel against your parents. We are not here for you.
27. Criticise the media. Write to the newspapers, institutions, and publications that are spreading hate towards the female community. Create polls and petitions. National news portrays us as monsters and threats to society. We can’t stop them from doing that on our own.
28. Learn what biology means
29. Talk to the generation above you – your parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. You can’t always change traditional mindsets, but you can give them a new perspective.
30. Support the generation below; speak to young kids. Make them aware that gender is a prison and they don’t have to conform to be a man or a woman. Educate them on their freedom and choices.
31. Don’t buy gendered things for kids around you. This just pushes the ideas that boys must like blue and girls must like pink and only one of them can play football in their spare time. I don’t even particularly like either colours!
32. Stop pretending only female people experience name changes. Me changing my name and a friend getting married and changing her surname meant we had to go through some similar legal process. Help female folk with these legal procedures, whether that’s telling us which bank is easy to change your name with or going through the deed poll process with us. It means it doesn’t feel like these are “female issues” – they’re just really confusing forms that nobody quite understands!
33. Share your platforms. I am tired of male people talking about female health. Ask us to talk, educate, share our stories, and pay us. This way you don’t get the credit for the lives we live.
34. Support female artists. Rock up to our exhibitions. Buy our books. Listen to our podcasts. Use your social platforms to share the incredible things we do despite the adversity we face.
35. Don’t expect female folk to always congratulate you for being an ally. Sometimes you’re just being a good person. I don’t get a gold star for just being a good person.
36. Donate to organizations and charities that are set up to aid and help female folk. There are so many organisations struggling with funding. Without lots of these resources we can’t access things like mental health services and free meet-ups.
37. Do not tell us what RuPaul, Trump, or the Daily Mail said about women. Chances are we already know.
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38. Post about the #blackfemalelivesmatter campaign – highlight that female people of colour are targets of violence.
39. If you are dating a female person, try to understand their triggers. For example, me and my partner call my menstrual cycle “Lucifer.” So if I text her to say “Lucifer is here,” she knows to bring chocolate and pillows. You can also try covering tampon or pad boxes and wrapping with cute cartoons or their favourite colour.
40. Do not tell women we “are playing the victim,” WE ARE THE FUCKING VICTIM.
41. Do not attend panels that address gender and/or female identity if everyone on the panel is male.
42. Give female creatives platforms to share work that aren’t all about being female.
43. Do your research. For all ignorant questions, divert to Google. Google is your friend. I am not, especially if you’re asking me why so many women cry rape.
44. If female folk do have to explain something to you that may be uncomfortable, triggering, or upsetting for us, buy us a bunch of flowers, take us for dinner, drop something into our PayPal. No labor should be free.
45. Sexism is a huge issue for women. Do not let other women get away with things, because they can be by far the worst.
46. Record sexist incidents. (Caveat: This is only if your immediate assistance is not needed and you have checked you can use this footage by the person involved.) Share this with everyone you can. It may lead to prosecution or people in positions loosing their job. Nobody should still be allowed to be a CEO and use offensive slurs.
47. Don’t question someone’s religious beliefs because they are female and you think they go against what it says in a holy book. This isn’t your business, OK?
48. Female issues are not for profit. That’s it.
49. Woman is not a costume. Do not have a “drag” house party and let boys who still use the word “faggot” wear your heels and dresses because it’s fun.