Why is the feminism board fair game?

[WokerThanWoke]

• When asked what posters like about Mumsnet, they mention the fact that they don't like or hide the feminism board or say it should be removed, although that wasn't the question.

• There are always threads asking how to hide a board, without fail many posters join to say yes I hate the feminism board too.

• Posters make threads or post on existing threads telling us what we can/can't discuss on here.

There's lots I think that's pointless, boring or inane on MN but I just don't click on those threads or topics. I don't post on the threads and tell people how boring I think they are or that they should talk about something else.

Does it happen for any other board?

I have to say in the time I’ve been on FWR I’ve found it supportive and informative. Quite the opposite of a massive proportion of stuff on AIBU for eg, where is can be brutal and just down right nasty.
Maybe people don’t want to engage I’d say just don’t click then. I have to say I enjoy the FWR boards becaus ethey are informative, and they have really opened my eyes.

Little, I've experienced that before on mn and also a tiny bit on feminism (the worst was actually in relationships).

However I must say I persevered and also found many really good posters - Datun in particular was very patient with me in the early days.

I personally aim to help explain things to people though I did get exasperated with one poster once who just kept saying 'what about the men.'

I’d also say if you don’t read these boards you’ve got a very good chance of never coming across issues that directly affect your life until it’s too late.

I agree with the opening eyes thing carrots. In fact I'd say I have become politicised. I think the whole self ID thing is an absolute travesty. Its boards like this that allow people to become aware of and support these issues, and gain traction.

Many pre-peak posters are perhaps afraid of the whole 'you're a bigot' thing, no one wants to be seen as a bigot and that's exactly what the trans lobby have used to their unfair advantage.

I’m going to respectively disagree on MN being more harsh. Facebook is disgusting for women in comparison and I do not dare venture to reddit. The ‘fuck being nice’ attitude you’re focusing on, is what I’ve seen directed at the issue, rather than a MN member. As in, why do we have to be nice talking about it?

I also do think, some people are not destined to spend a lot of time online. It’s much more brutal than real life overall and if you prefer to see peoples faces ( it’s so hard to get tone online anyway ) and have a ‘nicer’ conversation. I went off all other social media fairly recently for this reason myself. I quite like that women here are rebelling against the ‘women have to be nice’ when advocating for themselves and their own rights.

The 'what about the men' thing can actually be a 'what about the women' thing in disguise. I once posted to say that as a SAHD my partner felt intimated by all the toddler groups, marketing at SAHMs etc and my point was that the more men feel intimated to be the SAHP the more that role falls to women. But lots of posters just saw that as a 'what about the men' post.

Didn't someone famous once say 'if you can't have equality in the home you can't have it in the workplace'? I think that's where some of these 'what about the men' posts are saying, and some posters don't seem to understand that.

Tbh, MN as a whole has always had a selection of posters who are extremely blunt and do not play 'nice'. I've been coming here as a lurker for well over a decade, and there is a reason it was called a 'nest of vipers'.

And yes, sometimes that is hugely intimidating. I personally try to give even the obvious GF the benefit of the doubt if I can, but that's because I'm mostly a bit of a softy and I have been on threads where I have honestly wasted hours over a few days trying to explain to someone who presented as an 'interested newcomer', who then turned as quick as you like and was actually a pretty nasty AWA all along. Stuff like that can make you very wary to expend time and energy over and over, and some of the posters here in FWR have been doing this for years now, so I'm afraid I offer no judgement on them for being prickly.

I can only reiterate what I try to do when this critique arises, and that's to say keep posting if you're genuine. Keeping reading and learning, don't be a dick. There are fearsome women here, and if you care about women they will have your back, even if they aren't Disney Princess pleasant.

I was joking, I thought it was obvious from the context.

rag you were uncomplimentary towards other posters so I was pointing it out in a friendly and light way that you were doing yourself what you’re accusing everyone else of - stifling discussion by creating an unhelpful ‘tone’

If you think this is bad, go on reddit - I de regged after getting a load of grief on a thread about Pokemon. Pokemon ffs! (Which do have genders btw)

The suffragettes are celebrated now that they’re safely dead but they were reviled at the time.

Expanding on what Floisme said, yes, the suffragettes got nothing but criticism - and the MRAs have not changed a bit in over 100 years. Same old, same old. They were 'ugly', they 'could not get a man', they 'treated men badly', they 'neglected children' (and their 'wifely duties'). All of that hatred was to scare the rest of the women from being like the suffragettes (implied: "be a good woman, not like those other bad women") and largely, many women were intimidated by that message. As Floisme said, the suffragettes were only hailed in the latter part of the 20th century, when all of them were safely in their graves.

Fast forward to the Second Wave. They got similar insults (amazing how 'ugly' always features) they were derided with 'ugly, hairy, manhating lesbians'. Again, all those insults were to scare off women generally from what was going on - the fight for other women's rights like loans and bank accounts in women's names, equal pay (not achieved, but not the fault of feminists) and a host of other rights.

Now we have a new batch of insults 'TERF, bigots, feminazis'. Again, to scare off other women from realising what is going on "be a good woman, not a bigoted TERF".

The pattern is very obvious when you know your Herstory. It is deliberate that Herstory is NOT taught in schools and hidden away.

Google 'anti-suffragette postcards'. Here are a few results.
diply.com/anti-suffrage-postcards/
www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/anti-suffragette-postcards-show-fighting-for-change-has-never-been-easy_n_3714795
www.historyextra.com/period/20th-century/anti-suffragette-postcards/

Many of us are tired of the same old insults, put downs, and trolls. So yes, we can be a bit short with that nonsense.

Nevertheless, she persisted.

I don't know why anyone thinks feminism should be polite and comfortable. It should be the polar opposite.

Dittany was brutal to me when I first started posting here. Or that's what it seemed to me. All she was doing, though, was holding up a mirror to show me that my feminism wasn't centering women. I am so glad that I was able to reflect, do lots more reading and even more thinking instead of getting the hump.

I think lurking is really useful tbh - I read far far more than I post. Reading clarified for me my viewpoint on, for example, trans issues because I hadn’t thought about it much or knew much about it. It’s taken a year or so and a lot of reading for me to have made up my mind. I wouldn’t have started a thread about it expecting others to work through it with me, that’s my job.

Whereas something else I feel I know more about because it’s personal to me eg being a sahm I go in more and challenge things I disagree with. I think for example, you can be a radical feminist and a sahm but some posters disagree with me when I’ve said that on threads about that subject. Being disagreed with or challenged or asked to back up an argument that is not based on your feelings or anecdotal isn’t a bad thing - it’s a good thing to help clarify your thinking

I came here as the mother of a new born whose phone kept crashing on net mums, but not with Mumsnet. I found FWR and stayed. I don't contribute much, but value greatly the huge amount I gain from being part of this group of women.

Cognitive dissonance. That's the reason. Cognitive dissonance requires the sufferer to maintain their incompatible thoughts. The feminism board exposes them.