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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

I just can't even right now - "trans" toddler

109 replies

aidelmaidel · 31/08/2018 00:52

NC for this because very un-PC

Acquaintance has a three-year-old girl, who has decided that she is a boy. Has picked a different name, a different birthday (?) and Mum is extremely vigilant about defending this child's New Identity in all directions. Nursery, grandparents, colleagues have all been told, and parenting support group (mostly academics) are terribly supportive whenever anyone refers to this child as "she." She's even posted links to those weird sites that sell fake penises for small children (so that they can have an authentic bulge in their nappies?) so I assume the kid is packing one of those.

This has been going on for a good few months now.

Recently the mum posted that the child regularly has epic two-hour tantrums.

I can't help but think well, you're letting the kid insist that their name, their physical makeup, and their birthday can be altered at will and every adult around them must bow down accordingly, does it really surprise you that the kid can't cope with life when other things aren't treated the same?

Venting here because this sort of thinking is verboten in real life. Is this one of those things where once you have a toddler of your own you get a totally different perspective?

OP posts:
ItIsOkItIsASecret · 31/08/2018 08:09

My friend's daughter is 6. She regularly says she wishes she had a willy.

She thinks it would be a novelty to stand up and wee. But she doesn't always explain. Sometimes she just "wishes" she had a willy and pretends to have one.

Her parents are really worried in case she says something along these lines at school and, with the new school guidelines being that you can't speak to the parents in case they inject a bit of context and common sense , she might end up being 'transed' by the school and never know anything of it.

LastOneDancing · 31/08/2018 08:09

My nearly 3yo was a snail this morning.

This was a surprise because normally he's a cat.

I'm glad I hadn't started his species realignment.

Starkstaring · 31/08/2018 08:15

Even the most reckless of trans-believing clinicians would surely caution against full on social transition at that age. Either these parents have not consulted anyone or they are ignoring the advice they are being given.

FanWithoutAGuard · 31/08/2018 08:16

My 3 year old was insistently, consistently, and persistently (well, for about 9 months) from an alien race. He had a whole back story, and various traits/needs because he was of this race.

Mind you, his nursery teachers struggled to know what to believe from his chat - he was such a convincing fantasist that we'd often go to pick him up and have them ask how our weekend in Africa/shark fishing/climbing a mountain was, or was DS2 really born in the woods?

We just enjoyed his creativity to be honest. And made him at least try some of whatever food he'd announced he couldn't eat because his alien race was 'llergic' to it.

BruceAndNosh · 31/08/2018 08:18

She also has a job where she works for a boss called 'Muckazymes' who apparently keeps her really busy with emails and meetings. I used to laugh with DH about this but now I see that she is clearly a trans-adult

That's great. Tell her that you expect 25% of her pay packet each week

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 31/08/2018 08:20

Don't most 3 year olds decide they are something /someone else?
Apparently I not only insisted I was a boy, I was actually a boy from India

RitaFairclough · 31/08/2018 08:28

I’ve mentioned this before on here but my son said he wanted to be a girl consistently for quite a long time when he was about 5. Maybe younger - really from when he was at preschool full time or starting school and becoming aware of gender stereotypes. He used to wish he was a girl when he blew out candles or if we found a wishing well or whatever.

He has always liked ‘girly’ things (I am really not v ‘girly’!) and used to get me to paint his toenails (he called them dinosaur claws). Even on holiday this year (he is now 8) he wanted my shimmery bronzer on his face.

I always said to him that he could wear whatever he liked and do whatever he wanted to do but he would always be a boy. Then David Bowie died. And there were lots of pics around of him in dressses which proved my point. My son spent ages looking at the cover of Hunky Dory and then announced he wanted to do ballet and that was it.

He is absolutely happy being a boy, and he also still dances, and his favourite book is The Boy in the Dress.

I slightly feel that we have dodged a bullet (especially as he has ADHD and struggles with social norms which seems to be relevant in many of these instances).

FanWithoutAGuard · 31/08/2018 08:33

She also has a job where she works for a boss called 'Muckazymes' who apparently keeps her really busy with emails and meetings.

LOL - ours used to make up classmates - we had a few awkward conversations with his teachers trying to establish if someone he was telling us about was a real person or not (he'd say they were off sick, or some other excuse if we asked to meet the child at dropoff)

thewinehasgonetomyhead · 31/08/2018 08:37

@RitaFairclough

I always said to him that he could wear whatever he liked and do whatever he wanted to do but he would always be a boy.

I think that’s a brilliant way of wording it, and I am going to pinch that for my own DC.

Eyebagsandcoffee · 31/08/2018 08:39

My 4 year old went through a phase last year of pretending she was Skye the dog from paw patrol.

RedToothBrush · 31/08/2018 08:41

My 3 year old spends much of his day as a dinosaur.

He throws tantrums when the dinosaur is told to go away as its dinnertime.

I'm glad I don't have to advocate for him becoming a six foot T Rex.

CrazyDogLady87 · 31/08/2018 08:46

when I was a toddler, child, and pre-teen, if my mum tried to put me in anything other than jeans/dungarees converse/wellies, i would scream blue murder, and if she tried to put in a dress well that was something else. I never wanted dolls and prams or any girly toys, I hated playing house and tea parties, I wanted to climb trees, and make mud pies and ride my BMX, as a teenager I hated wearing makeup I loved doing sports, Halloween I would turn up as something gross whereas my friends would be dead princess or nurses etc,
i wasn't considered trans or it wasn't thought I was a boy in a girls body, it was just me i was just who I am, there wasn't such thing as trans!

as an adult WOMAN my dress sense hasn't changed nor my attitude i'm still not girly I still wear jeans and converse I still dont like wearing makeup and I still much rather walk my dogs in a muddy field than go for a spa day. I hate being invited to parties or weddings where it is expected women wear dresses or to look girly,
I will add that, I do like to dress up for a meal with my husband and/or and at Christmas or when I am comfortable doing so I don't always walk around in jeans and converse or boots haha

my point i guess is, as a tiny child all the stages in between i was never thought to by other or thought myself I was a "boy in a girls body" because I didn't like girly things I was a girl always and still I am, a female.

I am not disputing that some people do feel that way, I just think it is very rare, I actually have a very good friend that is trans and I firmly believe them, however, I don't think as a small child especially a toddler can make that choice, they have zero life experience to know what they are! jesus they can barely talk a coherent sentence half of them! how the hell can they know if they are the opposite gender!

TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 31/08/2018 08:52

My 3 year old spends much of his day as a dinosaur

Mine was an owl all last week

CrazyDogLady87 · 31/08/2018 08:59

wow in this day and age of you know toddlers knowing themselves!

all these parents who aren't applying to have their children's species reassigned...."how do you sleep at night" hahaha (that's my attempt at a joke btw)
clearly, your children are born into the wrong bodies.....cats, dinosaurs, snails, aliens, sharks. my niece was a bird, my son has been a worm, a dog, a seagull.....these little people aren't just being kids having active imaginations and playing, we are denying them of who they really are we should be ashamed of ourselves ...

again my attempt at a joke, I do think it is Ludacris a child thinks/ beliefs/wants to be/ an opposite sex,

however, I dont believe trans is not an issue for a very small few, as aforementioned I do have a very good friend who is trans and they know my views and if actually has a very similar view to myself, as a child, they state they didn't know who they were they just knew they didn't fit the social norm, which is why it wasn't until their 30's they started living as both sexes dated and had intimate relations with both sexes and spoke to a clinical psychiatrist they came to the decision. that they were in fact trans

saratustra · 31/08/2018 09:08

Toddlers pretend to be many things and don't really understand sex or gender, and the mum is being absurd. All of that is true and obvious.

Now, let's get even more absurd and talk about tra's agenda and if the tras win etc. Ffs.

LangCleg · 31/08/2018 09:20

She also has a job where she works for a boss called 'Muckazymes' who apparently keeps her really busy with emails and meetings.

I know this is a serious thread but this is truly delightful! It's made my morning!

EntropicTupperwareDrawer · 31/08/2018 09:27

The trans toddler is like the vegan cat.

We all know where it's coming from.

(I can't take credit for that one, sadly. But it's bob on).

RedToothBrush · 31/08/2018 09:33

My 3 year old is currently also going through a phrase of asking 'Do you have a willy? '. Often at inappropriate moments. He is super curious about the difference between girls and boys at the minute.

Last week it was in the middle of a changing room in a shop. At the top of his voice.

I cringed.

MrsTeach · 31/08/2018 09:43

She's even posted links to those weird sites that sell fake penises for small children (so that they can have an authentic bulge in their nappies?)

This is a real thing!?
I just can't.
What is happening!

AndYetItMoves · 31/08/2018 09:47

Attention seeking parent, setting her child on a pathway of a lifetime of drugs, hormones and irreversible surgeries.

Brave new world.

exWifebeginsat40 · 31/08/2018 09:47

this definitely happened. definitely.

BluthsFrozenBananas · 31/08/2018 10:06

I can believe this is real. Lots of toddlers insist they’re something else, at 3 my friend’s little girl was very insistent she was a boy named Tom. Most parents are sensible and know this too shall pass. All it takes is for one parent out of the many to be overly woke or attention seeking or both and suddenly you’ve got them announcing their toddler as trans.

JayneW63 · 31/08/2018 10:22

Munchausen syndrome by proxy

EntropicTupperwareDrawer · 31/08/2018 10:23

I don't quite know why posters would think this post is hard to believe. I have an aquaintance with a GNC child they believe was born in the wrong body.This started when the child was 4 years old, and behaved very much like the child in the OP. I've seen this in action, in the real world. It happens. There've been many examples of similar reported in the press.

here

and

here

and

here

I found those with five seconds of googling.

RedToothBrush · 31/08/2018 10:29

I don't quite know why posters would think this post is hard to believe.

Cos my child is a dinosaur.

And you are linking to a case involving Mermaids which many here have MASSIVE issues with, with regard to safeguarding.

A word to the wise; you might want to spend longer than five seconds on Google.