Just said 'no' to a hug from a guy - and it's because of you lot.

[delphguelph]

That's it really.

Before I'd have felt obliged to hug - not anymore! I just said 'no, it's OK'

#mychoicenotothug

#AssertingBoundaries

Well done!

I really, really don't like being hugged - or touched very much at all. When I lived abroad for a while, I was perpetually horrified by the custom of kissing on meeting and leaving and relocated back here happy to leave it behind.

I'm not bothered if it's men or women - I don't much like either sex doing it.

This is a message we need to teach children too. Especially little girls. It is always your choice to hug or kiss someone - whether they are a relative, a friend or a stranger. Just cause someone says "I like to hug rather than shake hands" because they think it's all cool and inclusionist or something, doesn't mean you have to do it.

Agreed. Insisting that children give relatives a kiss may seem harmless, but consider what you're teaching the child when it's clear that they don't want to and you insist that they do so anyway.

I had a boss who suggested we go round hugging one another as an ice-breaker at a departmental away day.

I told her I’d be reporting any such nonsense to HR.

I can’t stand hugging.

Big ol' for you, OP!

Good. A long time ago a guy who I didn't really know (he was mates with my ex) approached me in a bar and proceed to launch himself at me for a hug. I stepped to one side, said no thanks and just stared at him.

He was really taken back, apparently he is a guy that women love to be around, good looking etc

I couldn't give a flying fuck who he was, he wasn't getting a hug from me. I was considered 'prickly' from that point. He was a twat!

RefuseTheLies

Excellent!

When I left my last job, I told key colleagues in advance to make it known that I'd be happy to shake anyone's hand, but I really was not comfortable or happy with being hugged and/or kissed.

Good on you!

We are very much into the kiddo notchaving to hug or kiss relatives. He has to be polite and say goodnight to his Nan for example but he’s never made to give a kiss.

He generally runs at you and headbutts as a sign of affection....

I don't expect a hug when I walk into my local store, and I know some of them by first name. If they did that, I'd probably not go back.

Nor would I ever ask a strange man for a hug. He'd probably tell me to piss off.

Good for you, OP. I find that each time I stand up for myself it gets easier.

The business about not making children hug or kiss people is so important. When I was little every Sunday I was forced to kiss an aunt who had poor hygiene and it totally disgusted me. OK, it's no biggy as nasty childhood experiences go, but it affected how I raised my own DC. So a good thing over all.

Incidentally, I think too many parents don't listen to the objections of children. When, over the decades, my DPs have discovered that various childhood experiences were upsetting and in some cases pretty grim, they say "Oh, but you should have said." I have never been so unkind as to point out that they never took the slightest notice when I did say anything. But it has informed my parenting.

Bowlofbabel you’ve just reminded me my ds used to do that when he was a toddler! He isn’t a hugger. Even now if you ask for a hug he will go up to you and turn his back so you can hug him from behind but he won’t hug people. He also won’t kiss anyone and I wouldn’t dream of making him. I’ve had about 5 kisses in the last 4 years and I treasure every one

DS2's long term girlfriend isn't keen on too much physical contact. She and I are close so when she arrives home from uni she'll want to very gently embrace me but I stand motionless so she can control everything.

I don't mind the hugging or kissing so much, it's the back rubbing I hate. Eargh!

Good for you OP!

Gawd the thoughts of hugging some of my colleagues...... One of them is a total Wendy, if you got close enough she'd stab you in the front. So no way.

They have there place a few years ago I was in hospital with life threatening and possible life changing illness was been transferred to a ward . Waiting in a corridor on a bed terrified visibly upset and a nurse came over and just said I know we not supposed to but can I give you a hug and just grabbed hold and gave me a hug I have never forgotten how that act of kindness .

What's a Wendy?

Rwalker.... she asked though. That's the point. And you would have been well within your rights to say no. The fact you agreed and enjoyed it just means that story is completely out of context in this thread.

Wendy joins your group of friends and turns them all against you.

Yes. I've been researching ''relational aggression'' all weekend. It's tough. The only thing to 'do' is to value being authentic over being popular. Focus on the one to one relationships and then shrug and walk off if it's a group thing. From now on when my Wendy approaches I'll take me leave before she stands between me and whoever I was talking to. I've been googling all weekend trying to find out what to do and there is literally nothing you can do. No wonder there are so many Wendy threads. Apologies for that tangent.

((((Yay))))
I've refused a few hugs in my time from older blokes who I definitely don't want to press against.
It feels weird but hugely satisfying and very smug inducing I always allow myself a secret grin

That's brilliant Delph! I no longer laugh at men's jokes - I used to do It so they would be pleased with me....but now I don't give a shit if they know I don't find them funny. And I usually don't. It's like breathing the freshest air when you say NO MORE.

I’ve developed a pretty neat ‘block incoming hug with a high five’ technique!

I stick my hand out for a handshake as a pre-emptor whenever possible. I loathe social hugging and air kissing. Glad to see I'm not alone.