DD2s ‘friends’ have decided she’s trans

[MaitlandGirl]

She’s not - she wears trousers to school as it’s winter and too cold to leave the house at 7am in a skirt, doesn’t wear make up as she has stress induced excema on her face, ties her hair up in a ‘man bun’ as it’s ridiculously out of control otherwise and wears Dr Martens as it’s too cold to wear her converse.

All of these examples have lead her supposedly pro-feminist ‘friends’ to decide she’s trans and when she tried to put them right they decided she was in denial and reported her to the pastoral team at school for urgent counselling.

I’ve spent her entire life telling her that being a woman doesn’t mean she has to follow the societal norm and slap on the makeup, have straightened/highlighted hair and wear skirts half way up her thighs and now, because of the strong pro-trans movement across social media, she’s again being told she’s not a ‘real’ woman.

My ds was in a similar position to your dd: because he had very long hair and purple trainers, and always wore colourful clothes on non-uniform days, his peer group decided that he was trans.

When I reported it to the school, they treated it as a case of bullying and stamped on it immediately.

People can be so nasty over any deviation from their norm.

They're not her friends. Would they insist to, say, a trans woman that she's really a man? Of course not. If they're so woke then what's up with the misgendering?

This is bullying pure and simple.

This is how it works though isn't it.

Gender nonconforming children are asking themselves, and their friends are wondering, if they are trans. There are plenty of online quizzes they can do to find out so that's cool. ..

Girl who fancies a girl? Could be trans!
Girl who prefers trousers / short hair / boots? Could be trans!
Girl who doesn't want to / feel comfortable behaving in an overtly feminine way (swishing hair / giggling / see USA teen show/youtube for examples). Could be trans!
Girl who doesn't like the idea of dressing in skimpy clothes standing with bum / / breasts sticking out etc? Could be trans!
Girl who doesn't like the idea of engaging in the sex acts common in porn these days? Could be trans!

And on it goes.

Children are not in a position to navigate all of this effectively. They just aren't. The above ^ is what they are hearing from all of this.

How can a girl give herself a manbun? I know it's not the point but I'm a bit flummoxed as "man buns" are just a stupid way of saying "bun" right? on a man? It's like manscara, or man bag, it's just mascara and a bag on a man?

I've got my hair in a bun now. Checking. Boots. Jeans. Jumper. I must be a man! Does that mean I've got a mangina?

So many questions. Do I have to show it to people on the bus? The logistics of that, given jeans/boots, might be complicated. The trip would be over before I'd got my kit off. Perhaps I could just show people a photo? Hand them out to people getting on the bus you think? Or just print out an A3 size and hold it up?

Or I could wear a skirt! That would make flashing easier. But if I'm wearing, am I a woman then and don't have to go on the bus?

Boy, this non-binary stuff is complicated.

All of these examples have lead her supposedly pro-feminist ‘friends’ to decide she’s trans and when she tried to put them right they decided she was in denial and reported her to the pastoral team at school for urgent counselling

Whaaaaa? I really thought that people in Australia (and particularly the Hunter Valley) were more sensible & down-to-earth than that (calling a spade a bloody shovel).

Your poor daughter. I hope the school gives a talking-to her friends.

So she leaves school and them in a few weeks?
Sounds like they have nothing better to do.
I have spent my whole life in doc martens and jeans and no make up.
Fuck em. In a few weeks she will have nothing more to do with them. Hopefully she will meet some nice friends at uni

Yes, it is bullying, but imagine how many girls will conform to a) please and b) make the bullying stop. I wonder if this plays a role in the large number of autistic girls presenting to gender clinics.

And of course it just goes to show how sexist the entire concept is.

I'm also struggling with the idea that an originally feminine hairstyle that was appropriated by men is now seen when worn by a girl as evidence that she's not sufficiently feminine. Teenagers are weird.

I feel really sorry for her. This shows exactly how trans ideology is actually regressive...it is enforcing gender stereotypes. Applying labels is not freedom, it's the opposite.

How has it come to this. .. I worked in a factory as an engineer where there were no women's toilets and had a toolbox thrown at my head because I was taking jobs from men. I had to fight for my daughters football team to get equal training time and access to kit as the boys. Jeez it wold have been simpler to identify as a man but that is not what it's all about!!! The right to present as we wish, do what jobs we want, have equal access to resources and not for the answer to be.... identify as trans and you can have all of those things.

DD2 has requested that I leave things alone and don’t say anything to the school - she’s literally got 18 days of lessons left and doesn’t want or need any more stress.

I have contacted the school counselour to thank her for how she handled things and she’s told me she’s taking things further. DD2 is showing signs of extreme stress at the moment and crying every day (at really inconsequential things) so is seeing the counsellour on a fairly regular basis (they have therapy dogs who she loves so it’s a very calming environment).

She actually went into school on a skirt and blouse today and had her hair straightened and wore make up (they’ve got a photographer in so she wanted to look smart and well put together) and she’s had so many comments about how she’s trying to hard to be a girl.

Poor thing can’t win. The silly thing is when she’s at home she’s dresses like a typical teenage girl but because she does Drama at school she’s always in trousers as she feels more able to throw herself around and not worry about flashing her (very expensive and pretty) knickers at the group.

She’ll be at university next year where she’ll be versing skinny jeans and tight tops showing off her very (obviously) feminine figure and she’s already said that’ll put a stop to all of this stupidity, if there are any of her current cohort there.

Your daughter sounds like an extremely sensible young woman, clearly takes after her mum. The last year of school is hard anyway, I think teenagers get tired, and having the future looming ahead of you suddenly is disquieting. Add this weird bullying and I'm not surprised your daughter is in tears. Yay for therapy dogs!

It's strange that in an era where it's all the rage to be non-binary; there's so much pressure on people to cleave to stereotypes.

I hope your daughter gets into the university of her choice and shakes the mean girls off her booted feet as she flies.

I’m counting the days for your daughter!

Thanks for updating us - I’m so glad she’s got a switched on mama like you ❤️

Oh the poor kid. Some people can use anything to bully, and when society creates such an easy situation to exploit, well, why is anyone ‘in charge’ surprised? Sigh. Sorry that wasn’t very helpful.

So, if we use a wrong pronoun to a transperson, it’s LITERAL VIOLENCE, but insisting your DD is trans when she’s not is okay? These kids need to back off and shut up. Glad she will be rid of them soon.

"Sometimes I really hate other people’s teenagers."

I would put it more strongly than that in your shoes. However I appreciate that at her age you can't go marching in (pity).

please pass her our best wishes. sounds like you've handled this really well.

So tonight is the formal, where DD was determined to show everyone that she ‘really is a girl’ and she definitely proved that.

She looked stunning, in a gorgeous floor length dress with professional hair and makeup. She was so confident and felt so pretty that there was no mistaking the fact she’s a stereotypical teenage girl.

I’m sad for her that it came to this but so proud of the way she showed everyone that the person they saw in school isn’t who she really is. Everyone commented on how stunning she looked and how confident she was tonight. No one apologised for what they’d said to her over this year and how miserable they’d made her but she’s proved her point and she doesn’t care now.

Onwards and upwards from now on, well university next year where she’s determined to wear her pjs and Dr Martens everyday, because she can and no one will care.

I'm so glad she had a beautiful evening.

I think University may be even harder for her, with people asking pronouns etc. trying to be "right on" about these issues.

If she's feeling snarky then she could say her preferred pronoun is the utterly dehumanising "it". That might make the pronoun-profferors realise the stupidity of what they're asking.

On a serious level, i hope she has an amazing time at University and continues to grow into the strong young woman she is becoming.

I'm pleased for her, but as you say, it's so sad that it takes this. My own daughter who has struggled so much has discovered make up artistry and is very good at it, and is even more confused about herself now because she thought she was a boy but she likes make up. I don't know how many times we've talked about what defines sex and that it has nothing to do with likes and personality. I imagine it's a fairly universal experience that a parent says something over and over and a teen doesn't listen, but I'm really feeling it right now!

Just read the whole thread, I am glad that it went well for her.

I just can't believe how mad the world is, it scares me for my young DD. When I was younger I wore short skirts and make up and heels, now I am older I wear trousers every day, rarely wear makeup, don't care what my hair looks like. That doesn't make me a man, it makes me comfortable enough to not give a shit what I look like.

DC's friends all start wearing makeup at secondary school, start waxing hair and dying brows etc. I don't want DD to grow up thinking that you have to look a certain way. But I also don't want her to be accused of being a bloke because she doesn't wear makeup!

The whole world has gone crazy.

Wishing your DD all the best for the future at uni and I hope she has a better time there and meets new friends.

Yeah, that's nothing to do with being trans and everything to do with your dd having shit friends who are bullying her.
Surely the school have an anti bullying policy? Go in and see them, she's being bullied pure and simple

Just seen your update. So they believe she's a girl because she "looked like one" at the formal? Sounds like she's well rid if she's moving elsewhere.

This thread makes me so sad. this trans fad at the moment is such bollocks, hope it peters out soon.

My 12-year-old son has long hair and doesn't like sport. He says that other children at school have asked him whether he is trans. As far as I know they've all accepted it when he has told them no, though.