ROGD

[Hoggirl765]

My 14 year old daughter has told me she is transgender - just three weeks ago. There has never been any sign. She’s not a girly flowery pink girl But is feminine nonetheless. I have read extensively about ROGD and believe this is the case here. Before I even knew the school had starting callin her by her new boys name and using male pronouns. They have told me that they will change the school records whether I like it or not. She has had a lot of emotional upset in her young life so all I want is be certain that this is not a manefestation of something else. Any advice???

I’m a therapist who does a lot of work with girls in the same situation as your daughter. Here are a few links to websites with useful info for parents:

4thwavenow.com/2016/12/17/a-mums-voyage-through-transtopia-helps-her-daughter-desist/

4thwavenow.com/2017/11/07/a-teen-desister-tells-her-story/

nymeses.blogspot.com/2014/07/advice-for-parents-of-teen-girls-and.html?m=1

4thwavenow.com/resource-index/

Hope they’re some help.

How many of her school friends will she keep in contact with over the summer holidays? Are you going away at all? Can you keep her off social media?
And can you get her counselling in case there's something she needs to talk about?

Transgender Trend would be my go to organisation for advice and support for you both;
www.transgendertrend.com/

There is a US woman who is a ‘detransitioner’ (appears in the recent Atlantic article) who is now working as a therapist, specialising in this.

As there aren’t many people in her position, she posts YouTube videos for both therapists and parents to access. I saw one the other day that really captured my attention re: questions to ask of someone in your child’s position. I will go dig I out again.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=NUzn6j2id0A

Her name is Carey Callahan and she has a website: careycallahan.com/about/

(Apologies, correction from my previous post: she is still training to be a therapist, she’s not qualified yet)

Hoggirl765 good resource links already posted. I'm in a similar situation, my daughter announced this early last year, I think - time slips by so quickly I'm not sure how long it has been.
My advice, which I am sure, as a loving parent you don't need me to labour, is keep channels of communication open, love her as she is, don't attempt to change her 'presentation'. The whole propaganda machine is set up to make you and her adversaries unless you adopt the complete affirmation route. Don't buy into it. Remain her strongest advocate, but don't lie to her.
I wish you the very best xx

@FloralBunting I think this is excellent advice

There is a support forum for parents concerned about potentially transient ROGD in their children here:

gendercriticalresources.com/Support/

It's a private forum so I can't tell you what advice is inside but I do believe it's likely to be helpful.

I hope everything works out for you and your child. (Hugs).

Also, ask for a copy of your school’s policy in this area? We can probably retrace how it came about/who informed it and figure out how to negotiate it?

You are probably feeling a bit betrayed by the school right now (although I could be projecting how I would feel in your situation!) so get someone (relative or friend) to advocate for you if you prefer.

When I needed help negotiating with school due to conflict around my son’s autism, I got great support from my local branch of Parent Partnership. I have no idea how they approach this particular issue but I would recommend you sound them out. In our case, they attended school meetings as my advocate and got the Education Welfare Officer on my side, much to the surprise of the school.

It’s clear you love your child so try and be a swan and keep a calm, supportive exterior whilst figuring everything else out underneath.

Some people really do suffer from gender dysphoria and it is possible your daughter will be happier as your son, but the current climate makes it very difficult to know one way or the other.

The good thing is that the official NHS (Tavistock and Portland) line seems to be slowly, slowly and always with lots of parental involvement.

The difficulty is that some private routes have sprung up that provide medical transition assistance while on waiting lists for the NHS. This is fine for adults who can be held responsible for their own ‘informed consent’ but not good for parents and children.

There is also a black market route for hormones (although this is easier for MtF people to access, as the drugs are cheaper and easier to administer) so while I don’t want to scare you, it is something to be aware of.

(I’ve been researching a lot of this particular stuff recently because my middle daughter ticks all the boxes that put her at high risk, she’s coming up 12)

I don't have any skin in this game (thank goodness) but I'm curious what ROGD stands for - google is strangely unhelpful.

Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria.

(Referring to the huge uptick in adolescents declaring a trans status after no signs of such in earlier childhood.)

(Mostly born-female, which is why it’s such a peculiar phenomen, in the past there have always been far more transwomen than transmen)

Thanks for all the helpful suggestions. So good to know there are resources, info and other parents in the same position

To the less than help comment - I love my child and whatever the out my child will have my full support.

@garam I’m a therapist. I’ve worked with kids who identified as transgender in their teens, but have gone on to decide they’re actually ok with their natal sex (and are glad to be free of the dysphoria). Alongside those kids, I’ve worked with others who have happily medically transitioned as young adults. No one, including the young people themselves, can tell which path is going to be theirs. All of these adolescents are CERTAIN that they’re trans - until some of them (most of them) change their minds.
What do you think parents should do to be supportive?

Rogd is fake and invented by non-supportive parents which is fairly obvious to anyone who has even the slightest ability to think critically.

One of the leading experts disagrees, they are concerned and cautious about the huge increase in referrals from teenage girls.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3196477-Dr-Polly-Carmichael-Gender-Identity-Development-Service-Director

ThreeWeeBirds can you show me what manual and diagnostic criteria you are applying when you offer therapy?
Can you show me what studies and literature is the basis for your understanding?

And is any of it relevant to the post 2013 diagnostic criteria, or are you using outdated and thus those discredited by modern diagnostic standards.

Polly didn't say ROGD is a thing at all, she says we must be cautious with kids. I don't think anyone would necessarily disagree with that, but on a case by case basis. A personalised approach would see different paths and different outcomes.

ROGD still isn't a thing recognised by any medical institution nor anyone outside of the influence of a few anti-trans sites.

Garam, please take this elsewhere, it’s not appropriate for a thread started by a concerned parent.

Please start a new thread and ask Weebirds to answer you there, instead.
If she’d rather not, that’s her prerogative.

@garam I’m not diagnosising. That’s not my role. I’m accompanying young people as they explore their developing identities, including their gender identity. We think about who they are, how they feel about that, and many other areas of their life. And along the way they either feel increasingly certain that they’re trans - or they decide that they aren’t. (Many come to the conclusion that they’re not trans.) And their lives go on from there, whichever path is right for them. What do you think parents should do to support these kids?

A concerned parent shouldn't be gaslighted by people telling her to ignore all experts and opinions of those with thousands of qualifications and decades of experience, they should not be encouraged to pay attention to a few half-baked right-wing websites.

ThreeWeeBirds your anecdotes are not really informative.

What do I think parents should do? I know it's a crazy idea, but actual doctors and experts with experience of trans and GNC kids at the gender clinics and allow them to explore their identity.

Certainly not to someone who posts 4thwavenow as having any merit whatsoever unless you intend to push every child towards conversion therapy in the hope it 'fixes' the kids who are actually trans.

Any reputable therapist would baulk at the Lily Maynard story, whether that kid was trans or not, the mental torture and abuse of that story is stomach churning, and yet it's the basis for 4thwavenow.

So either, in my opinion, your not actually a therapist at all, or a dangerous one.

@garam Try clicking on the links and reading them yourself. They’re not right wing sites. The links are stories of people’s experiences, including people who have detransitioned. Parents who’d like to support their child to proceed slowly and with caution could be helped by those stories - or not. They’ll easily find other opinions elsewhere on line.

What ROGD is is a trend at the moment amongst teenage girls particularly. I would be furious with the school for doing anything without discussing with you first.

@garam. As I said. I love my child full stop. I don't think there should be an LGBT "community" because we should all be one big worldwide community whoever we are. However self-Diagnosis is a dangerous thing. Should a child come to you telling you that they have read up their symptoms on the internet and have got diabetes, would you say don’t worry I’ve got metformin, have some? I think not – that would be negligent and reckless. Similarly, with a self-diagnosis of gender dysphoria/being transgender. The first course of action is not to affirm this diagnosis with “medication” (in this case calling her by a boy’s name and male pronouns), the first course of action should be to get a formal diagnosis before moving forward. I just need to be 100% sure that she is 100% sure. At 13 I was 100% sure I was a lesbian. Quite hard in those days. Then one day I woke up and realised - no I'm not. I just need to be my CHILD's advocate and be sure. If she is my son instead of my daughter I will still love and support my child. So stop preaching!

PrincessMargaret. Be sure I have gone to war with the school!