What would you do?

[MillyTheKid]

A question for those fighting for female only spaces: If you are in a public toilet and a trans person comes in would you actually say something or just grit your teeth and get on with things? I suppose, given the fact that those campaigning on both sides of the argument aren't statistically huge in number, the chances of an encounter in a bathroom are quite small.

Too much attention is focussed on loos, in my opinion.

Here's a question for you - why are YOU so invested in this?

Now if you asked what I would do if a transwomen started to compete in a woman's sport I was involved in, or committed a rape and it was recorded as a crime committed by a woman, or tried to sue a waxing salon for refusing to wax her genitalia, then I might have something to say.

I also am not that exercised about toilets, although I noticed, on a recent trip to France, how all the public loos I used were now unisex and as a result, really smelly. That pisses me off, because the statistically small chance of encountering a transperson in the bathroom has nonetheless led to a situation where I have to be in a smelly dirty place and where others of my sex would feel discomfort or fear.

I agree with Bertrand

And I'm pissed off that no-one asked before they did this

Well personally if I were in a public toilet in RL and a transperson came in, yes I'd report.

...But this is largely because accessible toilets tend to be single occupancy, so I'd be just as irked if anyone came in while I'm trying to pee!

Apart from that, Bertrand summed up my thoughts.

If you are in a public toilet and a trans person comes in would you actually say something or just grit your teeth and get on with things?

I would do exactly what I would do if any other woman came in. In most cases I would have no need to say anything unless the situation called for the sort of polite but meaningless chit chat which sometimes happens in loos. (Eg , aren't the queues/ weather awful? / you don't happen to have a safety pin/ change for the tampon machine ?/ sorry but before you leave , you've tucked your skirt into your knickers )

As for "gritting my teeth" as an alternative- what an odd assumption.

I wouldn't say anything before I'm basically a coward.

*because not before.

Grrrr

While I prefer using unisex single room toilets in public, I have been in female toilets when there have been trans women in there. I've literally walked into public restrooms with trans women. I didn't grit my teeth or anything (that would be weird, maybe less so when it was with an ex but otherwise, why would I do that?). My wanting both sex-segregated and unisex spaces does not mean I have much of an emotional response to who uses public toilets, it means I recognize the discomfort and vulnerability of others. I personally would not report unless there was a specific issue and I do think it would be better if toilet and changing room attendants were more of a thing to make said reporting easier because if say something happened at my local shopping centre, it's rather awkward to find a member of staff to deal with that.

Seriously, as other said, I don't see toilets as the focus of female only spaces even when I'm a big proponent of additional unisex facilities alongside ones that are sex segregated and for those with disability. I think there is room for sex segregated and identity based spaces and unisex all open spaces, that sex segregated spaces are a great benefit to people of all identities, and places should feel protected by the law to do and offer both rather than feeling like they're walking on eggshells over things like Women's swimming times.

I would leave and report to security. I would be too physically afraid to challenge.

I wouldn't say anything because I'm basically a coward

I wouldn't say anything because- well why would I ?

If the trans person isn't doing anything to me why do I need to leave or report them to security?

If they were the sort where I could tell they'd really gone to a lot of effort to blend in and were just going about discreetly I'd be fine.

If they were the bearded Alex sort or the LM "self declared woman" sort who just look like a teenage boy with pink hair I'd say something in a flash because they're pisstakers.

I'd also definitely say something if it was a big bloke clearly male but in lipstick.

I guess it depends. I've always fully accepted post op transsexuals as women.

Lass: because they might not be 'true trans'

Wouldn't say anything if they were just going about their business, however I'm with Bertrandrussell on other issues.
Too much focus on toilets.

I've twice walked out of a cubicle in the 'Ladies' and a transwoman has been at the sink, once was about 20 years ago at Alton Towers, didn't bother me at all (although it was all my (then little) dd could talk about for days). His only effort was a pink polkadot hat but the toilets were busy so I wasn't concerned.

The last time was about two years ago and she appeared very feminine, I would guess transsexual rather than transgender, so again I wasn't concerned. I also think there's too much emphasis on toilets, I'm more bothered about the state and smell that men leave them in than my safety, but I'm in the fortunate position of never having been assaulted. Completely understand why it would be uncomfortable or worse for many women and girls.

If they were the bearded Alex sort or the LM "self declared woman" sort who just look like a teenage boy with pink hair I'd say something in a flash because they're pisstakers.

Nice turn of phrase

If the trans person isn't doing anything to me why do I need to leave or report them to security?

Because they're a male who doesn't respect women.

If they were the sort where I could tell they'd really gone to a lot of effort to blend in and were just going about discreetly I'd be fine.

Yes I would probably be ok with that but it is heinous twanzphobia.

An obvious man, I wouldn't be ok with.

I wouldn't say anything to them because some think that violence against perceived terfs is appropriate.

would you actually say something or just grit your teeth and get on with things?

Neither.

I would extend the same courtesy to them that others have extended to me and tell them they appear to have taken a wrong turn and direct them to the gents.
The only unisex toilets here are single occupancy. If a male walked in on me in one of those I would take their picture and report them.

This has happened to me twice. The first time was years ago when I was about 20 and there was (what we then called) a transvestite standing in front of the mirrors putting on lipstick. I was confused and frightened and turned round and walked out and tried to forget about it.

The second time was a couple of years ago in a sports centre. I was washing my hands and became aware of someone at the hand drier staring at me. I turned to look and it was a TIM in a dress who winked at me. I said "Don't wink at me" and he laughed and walked out. It was just me in there and I was shaking with outrage. I reported it to reception and wrote an email to the management which was ignored.

Now? I'd make as much fuss as I could. I'm frightened and angry about the erosion of women's rights and the threat to our segregated spaces, so I'd probably challenge them, take a photo, report it, tweet it, and generally be a bloody difficult woman.