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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

What would you do?

77 replies

MillyTheKid · 02/06/2018 13:22

A question for those fighting for female only spaces: If you are in a public toilet and a trans person comes in would you actually say something or just grit your teeth and get on with things? I suppose, given the fact that those campaigning on both sides of the argument aren't statistically huge in number, the chances of an encounter in a bathroom are quite small.

OP posts:
MillyTheKid · 02/06/2018 20:28

take a photo, report it, tweet it

I'd imagine that might be legally problematic. Best avoided.

OP posts:
BarrackerBarmer · 02/06/2018 21:53

A transman? I'd do nothing. She would be female, just as I am female, and I'd almost certainly perceive this as very few pass. Those that do pass use male facilities and aren't challenged.

I'm happy to share female spaces with all females, beardy or otherwise.

cistersofterfy · 02/06/2018 23:08

Wouldn't do anything unless it was a similar situation to the one that Dido related. Then again, if anyone was hanging around in the toilets acting suspiciously and making me feel uncomfortable or that they were their for voyeuristic or to prey on others, I would report it whatever sex they were assigned at birth.

cistersofterfy · 02/06/2018 23:09

Forgive the terrible SPAG, I'm tired!

Pratchet · 02/06/2018 23:48

Can't believe how many people wouldn't report a bloke in the loos. Thanks a lot.

JuzzaL · 03/06/2018 00:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsjustmeandthee · 03/06/2018 00:25

I'm confused ? How you even know if they were trans ? Would you ask someone who looked manly to establish what their gender was ? Who really cares what gender they are ? Aren't you in a cubicle ? When I've been desperate for a wee and there was massive queues in the womens toilets I've used the gents ! Does it really matter honestly, our crap all stinks the same !!! Just do your business and get on with your day !

thebewilderness · 03/06/2018 00:33

Itsjustmeandthee
Are you suggesting that you cannot tell males and females human beings apart and so you do not think other women can either?

For the most part as I understand it the problem has been the cameras over or under the partitions that upset the women.

Ereshkigal · 03/06/2018 00:35

I'm confused ? How you even know if they were trans ?

Lol. If we really couldn't they could sneak in without a problem, right?

Ereshkigal · 03/06/2018 00:37

I'd imagine that might be legally problematic. Best avoided.

In what way? I've tried to challenge this when it related to women, so I doubt it.

BarrackerBarmer · 03/06/2018 00:42

We can tell each other's sex with great accuracy.
No point pretending otherwise.

If I'm dealing with a menstruation issue in the toilet and washing out clothes in the basins then, yes, it matters if I'm not in a female sex environment.

The question isn't why females are refusing to tolerate males, but, why those males dare to claim they have anything in common with women when the contrary is true.

What makes me angrier than anything about this is that the entire trans identity is based upon them redefining ME first to claim we are the same.

This is about men remodelling every female and erasing every critical attribute we possess so that we are nothing more than whatever image of themselves they wish to project onto us.

I am NOT the same as any man, no matter what he thinks his 'identity' is. No efforts to make us share the same word can bring us into a common group.

My body makes me fundamentally different to him and I will NOT be shoehorned into his vanity fantasy of what he has decided I am allowed to be.

Ereshkigal · 03/06/2018 00:47

I'd imagine that might be legally problematic. Best avoided.

And it seems the OP would like to put women off reporting men in the toilets so not sure this thread was in entirely good faith.

Pratchet · 03/06/2018 00:54

Yes I'm sure it was. Don't worry folks I'll still report men in the toilets.

HerFemaleness · 03/06/2018 01:03

I'm confused ? How you even know if they were trans ?

Is this a serious question?

thebewilderness · 03/06/2018 01:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Itsjustmeandthee · 03/06/2018 01:52

Hey yes it was a serious question, apologies I'm a newbie here and probably came across a thread that I shouldn't really comment on, although I do have opinions like everyone is entitled too, and don't feel it necessary to berate someone for them. I am a female, but I have also met quite a few trans people and before they told me their story I honestly couldn't tell ! That doesn't mean I'm any less of a female as I cannot guess birth gender and I think it naive to think otherwise ! But I honestly cannot see why it would pose an issue if they just wanted to use the toilet as a human being ? I would go to any toilet or use nature if I was desperate ! Anyway apologies if I offended anyone Smile

MillyTheKid · 03/06/2018 02:25

*I'd imagine that might be legally problematic. Best avoided.

And it seems the OP would like to put women off reporting men in the toilets so not sure this thread was in entirely good faith.*

When did I imply that? Also I can't see how advising someone against something that might cause them legal issues is a problem?

OP posts:
LassWiADelicateAir · 03/06/2018 02:35

I'm confused ? How you even know if they were trans ?

Is this a serious question?

How would you know that Blaire White or Rose of Dawn or Theryn Meyer or the lovely trans women in the interview with Venice Allen or for that matter Caitlin Jenner , Janet Mock , Kelly Maloney or Paris Lees if they weren't famous, were trans?

Middlrm · 03/06/2018 02:53

I don’t understand the issue..... ( do you perceive transwomen as a threat of some sort ?)

womanformallyknownaswoman · 03/06/2018 03:01

And it seems the OP would like to put women off reporting men in the toilets so not sure this thread was in entirely good faith

Repeat repeat repeat

MillyTheKid · 03/06/2018 03:06

And it seems the OP would like to put women off reporting men in the toilets so not sure this thread was in entirely good faith

Repeat repeat repeat

Any evidence for that assumption?

OP posts:
LassWiADelicateAir · 03/06/2018 03:22

I actually assumed the OP was in bad faith because she was hoping for replies which could be screen shotted as evidence of MN transphobia.

This is such a loaded question.

If you are in a public toilet and a trans person comes in would you actually say something or just grit your teeth and get on with things?

Baroquehavoc · 03/06/2018 03:47

How would you know that Blaire White or Rose of Dawn or Theryn Meyer or the lovely trans women in the interview with Venice Allen or for that matter Caitlin Jenner , Janet Mock , Kelly Maloney or Paris Lees if they weren't famous, were trans?

I don't know - I haven't met any of those people. I know most have had cosmetic surgery, something which the average TIM probably couldn't afford.

Passing depends in the situation, walking down the street, I wouldn't give them a second thought. Maybe they would pass in a public toilet? I don't know, it would depend on which toilet and how busy it was.

I don't think all of them would pass well enough in a hospital ward or prison cell, or if they were about to perform a cervical smear on someone.

ChattyLion · 03/06/2018 05:38

We can tell each other's sex with great accuracy. No point pretending otherwise.

^^All of what Barracker said.

I’ve noticed that there seems to be an idea put forward by some male-bodied TRA types (but not among all trans people of course) that other people around them,

  • can’t tell and don’t know or perhaps - CAN tell and DO know but SHOULDN’T SAY or more accurately:
  • shouldn’t feel they can SAFELY say that male-bodied people are male.

Because noticing maleness and speaking it aloud would not fit with the gender presentation that the male bodied person has chosen for themselves and wants to be recognised as.

This authoritarian TRA idea about what other people should think of me is based on a fallacy in the first place.

No one can control how other people see them or perceive them. That’s a universal truth that’s just part of life. I’m sure many of us would prefer to be seen more in a certain way or less in a certain way. But most of us accept the reality that it’s not going to happen and the perception of others is completely out of our hands.

The reality is. Women know who is male and female. Of course we can tell. It’s not something we have any control over seeing when we look at other people, and hearing when others speak. We can tell male and female voices apart on the phone or on the radio. Telling the difference between male and female is something the smallest child can do. For women I imagine it is hard wired into us because we know our safety depends on it.

The claim that women ‘don’t know’ (or more accurately, ‘shouldn’t feel they can say’) when they see biological sex, may be based in the male-bodied person’s belief that their own efforts to take on ‘feminine’ stereotyping in their physical appearance, via ‘feminine’ clothes, make up etc now means that women genuinely can’t tell that they are male.

or

The male-bodied person has made no such efforts of stereotyping to give themselves a ‘feminine appearance’, but women are being told that if they (factually correctly) perceive this male bodied person is in fact male, then that woman’s understanding needs to be re educated that what it means to be female now includes anyone who says so.

Women are often raised to be polite and are often tolerant and in the knowledge of feminine-presenting maleness, we will often on a courtesy basis, accept male-bodied people who are not bothering anyone else in the ladies.

But that is as a conditional courtesy not a right. A legal right to this access in all circumstances, ie legal gender self Identification, is being demanded for validation purposes. This can’t be allowed to happen. Female-bodied people’s safety and comfort- in the women’s, ie female toilets of all places- must come first.

(for the avoidance of any doubt, female-bodied people regardless of their gender identification, or personal appearance, are always welcome in the women’s toilets.)

Women (along with men too i’d imagine) also object to being co-opted as unwitting actors into other people’s validation fantasies. Particularly when there is a sexual gratification element to that validation. Eg in AGP.

What kind of person wants to campaign to legally force (rather than seek consent) other people into that kind of participatory role though?

What decent person doesn’t care about the consent of others?

Doesn’t care about others’ (ie women’s) feelings of safety and privacy in places in which women should be able to feel safe and private?

That’s why women find legal gender self identification a dangerous idea, because it specifically seeks to override women’s consent. We get attempts from men to override our consent all the fucking time from our childhood, because men objectify and denigrate us because of our female sex- (not one single shit is given our own gender identification in this sex-based objectification btw. We can’t self identify our way out of that).

And being constantly objectified is shit for us and it’s frightening and dangerous for us.

But just because objectification is clearly wrong, (because eg it denies consent and personal agency to the object) that doesn’t then mean that observing another person’s biological sex is also wrong.

In some situations it is a highly relevant thing to observe a person’s biological sex. And some of those situations it will be important be able to freely, openly do so for the purposes of respecting someone’s consent and personal agency and autonomy. Women know this because we pay the price when this does not happen.

Also OP theres’s no such thing as ‘birth gender’. Did you mean biological sex, as observed at birth? I don’t think babies are capable of taking on gender stereotypes at birth although i would accept that they are foisted on to a lot of babies pretty much immediately.

Pratchet · 03/06/2018 06:43

how would you know that Blaire White or Rose of Dawn or Theryn Meyer or the lovely trans women in the interview with Venice Allen or for that matter Caitlin Jenner , Janet Mock , Kelly Maloney or Paris Lees if they weren't famous, were trans?

Are you saying that some men disguise themselves sufficiently to use female spaces, therefore all men should be allowed to do so without remark?

(They all look like transgender men except Blaire white.)