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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Bad feminist :(

88 replies

DidoAndHerLament · 20/05/2018 09:36

I didn't watch the royal wedding yesterday. Because I think the monarchy represent the worst display of revolting inherited privilege and wealth. And because I think marriage is outdated patriarchal nonsense.

However. I have just watched a 10 minute video of the 'best bits' from yesterday, and I am crying. A mixture of joy and sadness I think. And (can't believe I'm saying this), a tinge of national pride. Shock

Do I need to tear up my feminist memberhsip card?? Confused

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 20/05/2018 11:21

I watched most of it because I love weddings. Not so interested in the celebs. I come from that rare beast, a functional family. I was happily married, as are my DBs, DSD, DUs and DPs. Weddings make me cry in a happy way. I got all misty eyed remembering my own wedding day, walking through the fields to the church with my DF in the sunshine.

Glad to see I'm not the only one. I've been a bit anxious about being a bad feminist ever since I got kicked out of my local group for having sex with men - though that was many, many years ago. Grin

Datun · 20/05/2018 11:23

DidoAndHerLament

I don't think you're alone. There are several threads in the same sort of vein.

I wasn't the slightest bit interested, just turned it on while I was having coffee, and ended up watching almost all of it. With a similar reaction to you. Followed by a bit of bafflement.

Perhaps it was the dynamic. The bride was the focus, along with her mother, contrasting with the lack of Diana, we had the female Monarch, and the women guests seemed far more important than the men, there was a woman speaker. It felt very female focused, to me.

When the Dean was conducting the wedding, I was thinking about the patriarchal nature of the entire thing, but, somehow, the essence was nothing like that.

In fact the maleness and patriarchy part seemed strangely absent, despite the military show, etc. Almost as if everyone enthusiastically acknowledged its presence, but dismissed its authority.

ElfrideSwancourt · 20/05/2018 12:02

I went shopping yesterday too - it was lovely and quiet. I'm a republican, atheist feminist but do feel a bit guilty for having a look at the frocks on bbc news app. Hopefully that just requires detention rather than full re-education?? Wink

Rufustheyawningreindeer · 20/05/2018 12:04

Its not like i would actually turn up to detention anyway

ReluctantCamper · 20/05/2018 12:24

hmm, realised that I haven't checked out what the guests wore. I'm actually considering purchasing a copy of hello to take on holiday during half term if they have a nice photo spread. plus my MIL and her ex-pat friends will bite my hands off if I turn up with that.

My name is reluctantCamper. I am a feminist who likes looking at dresses.

Floisme · 20/05/2018 12:58

Oh the guests' outfits are the best bit camper. The men's suits as well as the dresses - I'm partial to a bit of tailoring too.

MrsHathaway · 20/05/2018 13:14

In fact the maleness and patriarchy part seemed strangely absent, despite the military show, etc. Almost as if everyone enthusiastically acknowledged its presence, but dismissed its authority.

Yes, I think that's exactly it.

Picassospaintbrush · 20/05/2018 13:28

I didn't watch it but three pics of Harry and William popped up on twitter, one of them as little boys and two that must have been at their respective weddings, looking at each other with such love.

It makes me want to cry to think of them losing their mother and growing up without her when I see them looking at each other like that. I have two boys.

For any kids, losing their mother so young is a tragedy.

LassWiADelicateAir · 20/05/2018 14:49

Alteratively, maybe Amal just likes a nice yellow frock and, in her line of work, doesn't get much opportunity to wear one?

Yes - that is a bizarre post.

I didn't watch it as I was baking cakes for a party at the time (wearing a pinny over a dress so I suppose I lose IQ points for that)

I have been catching up on the dresses. I liked Amal Clooney's and loved Victoria Beckham's.

spontaneousgiventime · 20/05/2018 14:54

I spent the day out, it was lovely, missed the whole shebang. Came home late and had it rammed down my throat, I went to bed. No, no need to cut up the card, we just need a republic then none of us will be subject to it.

LassWiADelicateAir · 20/05/2018 14:55

Zara Philip's maternity dress and coat were lovely too.

Offred · 20/05/2018 15:13

Ha ha ha upstart!

I agree on both counts re;

I think the monarchy represent the worst display of revolting inherited privilege and wealth. And because I think marriage is outdated patriarchal nonsense.

I also really hate all weddings in real life and suffered through my sister’s recently (so did she, she feels the same).

I watched the ceremony live on you tube. I also cried at particular points; the gospel choir singing stand by me etc.

The politics of it interests me (and affects me emotionally). It is not the same set of emotions that I feel about people that I know who get married and having to sit through the entire performance.

BUT, loving weddings, liking to look at dresses, having a cry etc.... enjoying all or any of those things? I doubt that says much of value about your political beliefs and I’m totally sick of this recent thing of ‘you liked a twitter post so you ARE a certain thing’....

People are inconsistent. You might object ideologically to, for example, fathers ‘giving away’ brides, but feel it’s lovely for your dad to do that for you in your wedding.

Who you are, what you are and what you do. Separate parts of you. Not always consistent with each other and that’s normal.

I prefer to think about the ‘why’ rather than try and self censor or guilt trip myself.

smithsinarazz · 20/05/2018 16:11

(Other opinions are available but) it seems to me that the ability to be genuinely pleased for other people, and to want to be part of a celebration of love and family, is something that women have more often than men, and perhaps, instead of deriding it as silly, we ought to be proud of it.
I didn't watch it myself. I'm a chorister, I don't need the Royals in order to see a wedding.

OlennasWimple · 20/05/2018 16:25

I'm a self-proclaimed Bad Feminist and anti-Royalist who went to a Royal Wedding party, shed a tear when MM arrived at the church and has spent more time than I should really discussing her dress.

Off to the Dworkin Camp for me, I guess Wink

OlennasWimple · 20/05/2018 16:27

Zara Philip's maternity dress and coat were lovely too

I agree! Though Mike Tindall went and got a whole new nose for the occasion! Shock Wink

LassWiADelicateAir · 20/05/2018 17:06

Just finished fast forwarding it all. Some fantastic frocks. The other cast members of Suits were gorgeous; as was unamed person in a black and orange dress with fabulous orange hat and 2 minor royals in 1950s style dresses (one navy, 1 cream)

quencher · 20/05/2018 18:35

One interesting line from her vow was, "...."to protect him" this was not in Harry's.

I will renew my feminist card next week when all of this has completely died down.

qumquat · 20/05/2018 19:39

I loved it and I normally loathe and despise weddings. It was just so beautiful and happy in every way. As a director I appreciated it as a performance as well. The vows segueing into 'The Lord Bless You and Keep You' had me sobbing. The cellist, American Bishop and gospel choir had me welling up as well. Normally at weddings I'm counting the minutes till it's over but this one was amazing.

SarahCarer · 20/05/2018 19:53

I'm really intrigued and surprised reading this thread. I hadn't expected many in this forum to take an interest in clothes or enjoy the Britishness of the event. Not judging. It's nice. I guess clothes are an art form really aren't they. I took a little glance at the main dress myself and paused over Harry's decision to be bearded for this event. It didn't occur to me to think to look at anyone else's clothes. None of it makes anyone a 'bad feminist' obvs

Rufustheyawningreindeer · 20/05/2018 19:56

I get the frocks bit sarah (though thats my interest as well)

But the British bit?

Dont get why you thought posters on this forum wouldn't enjoy the 'britishness'

Again not having a pop or judging...just being nosy Grin

ReluctantCamper · 20/05/2018 20:02

crikey, I even love the last night of the proms.

Vicky1990 · 20/05/2018 20:05

Yes, you have seen the light.

LassWiADelicateAir · 20/05/2018 20:07

I'm really intrigued and surprised reading this thread. I hadn't expected many in this forum to take an interest in clothes or enjoy the Britishness of the event. Not judging. It's nice. I guess clothes are an art form really aren't they

Clothes are an art form. Why should women not be interested in clothes?

So far as pomp and circumstance - the British are very, very good at it. I have seen one Trooping the Colour from a prime (not open to the public) viewpoint and it was wonderful to watch. I was very impressed.

The person who had the most difficult job on the day must have been the left outrider in the procession by the Household Cavalry whose horse was trying to bolt all the way back from the church.

Offred · 20/05/2018 20:16

To exist as a female involves difficult negotiation of everything all the time. It is very difficult to stop feeling responsible for all of the political implications of every individual pleasure, thought, choice etc etc etc.

Weezol · 20/05/2018 20:20

I enjoyed it. Especially watching all the high church types going into shock during the Episcopal Bishop giving it some right welly.

The vows were good, totally equal, as was the exchanging of rings. I like seeing people happy.

I'll get my dungarees on and wait for the knock at the door. Under his eye.

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