Why do men think they can get away with this!!!!

[stripesandspots10]

I'm so angry. Why do men believe they can spike women's drinks with extra alcohol to get them very drunk just because they want to take advantage of them. I've had this happen to me twice and it happened to my sister last night. All being men we knew and men we thought were friends.
They obviously only thought they had some kind of chance with us if they were to ply us with extra alcohol.
The first time this happened to me I noticed as I weren't really tipsy so I left the drinks. Second time I had already had a few drinks so did not notice that the guy had started buying doubles. My sister last night asked for a single and told my DM this morning she has a feeling they might have been doubles. Then he tried it on with her and because she rejected him, he is saying it was both of them. Argh what makes them think this is acceptable behaviour!

And when I say some kind of chance I mean because we were strictly friends with all these men. And my sister has a long term partner.

I've had it done to me.

Vodka being poured into my cider and black. Resulted in me puking bright pink sick over him though so I got him back.

It's shocking that there's people who find this acceptable.

I’ll risk it.

Buy your own drinks.

Also I will note when it happened to me both times we were in a group so taking it in turns for rounds. With my sister they were taking it in turns between them. With 7 years of friendship between my sister and him she thought he could be trusted. Clearly not

Some men are sexual abusers, that's why.
They think if they get a girl drunk she could get beer goggles for them or they can pressure her to do stuff in the knowledge they can throw doubt on her version of events the next day.
It's grim.
Some men are disgusting.

They think they can get away with it because they usually do get away with it, I suppose.

I’ll risk it.

Buy your own drinks.

How simple, how could we have missed this simple solution?

When it happened to me I bought my own drink. I went to the toilet left my drink with friends who got up to dance while I was away and voila spiked drink.

What then? Your solution didn't work.

In the US on college campuses there are drinks mats, testing strips etc which a person can use to test their drink. It is probably expensive, cumbersome and difficult to remember when tipsy and in the company of people you trust but going forward bars and clubs should probably start giving these things out to prevent this. Since men can't seem to help themselves.

So, here is a site which gives some helpful advice and where people can buy kits to check their drinks and that is great BUT this means young women have to purchase something - I know when I was a young student with 2 jobs that money was a huge issue. Would I have bought this? Probably not, after it happened to me? Yes, I would but I would resent having to pay not to be spiked. The situation is unfair but I think we women are very familiar with the concept of unfair.

www.checkyourdrink.co.uk/

Because there are no consequences for doing it. Because we can rarely prove they’ve done it. They just say we were already pissed, can’t handle our drink. They tell lies and say we’ve being flirting with them all night.

I like these too

news.sky.com/story/wristband-tests-drinks-to-see-if-they-have-been-spiked-11344891

but the very fact these things are now available shows what a huge issue this is which also tells me there are quite a few men who think this is an acceptable thing to do.

But you can’t test for extra alcohol kitty if you think you’re having a single and it’s a double you can’t test that.

Call the police. It’s no different to someone drugging you. And men need to become aware that it’s completely unacceptable.

They think they can get away with it because they can.

If they are part of your friendship group, you need to call them out on it and then end the friendship.

Because there are no consequences for doing it. Because we can rarely prove they’ve done it. They just say we were already pissed, can’t handle our drink. They tell lies and say we’ve being flirting with them all night.

Right. (Love your name btw - now I have the song in my head)

Just like this new era where'rough sex gone too far' as a defence seems to be excusing men murdering women. This isn't about making women out to be victims - this is the fact women ARE potential victims and enough men are predatory for this to be a problem.

But you can’t test for extra alcohol kitty if you think you’re having a single and it’s a double you can’t test that.

I see what you mean - with me it was undoubtedly a drug which was used.

The social culture still accepts this as normal and perfectly ok - funny, even...

Men will do this routinely - ply a woman with drinks, buy her a large wine when she asked for a small, keep topping up her glass without asking first and making her stronger drinks than she wants.

They don't see it as being similar to spiking a drink with a date rape drug (after all that's what other men do, right) they just see it as being a legitimate way to get into a woman's knickers. And no one ever pulls them up on it.

Because there are no consequences for doing it. Because we can rarely prove they’ve done it. They just say we were already pissed, can’t handle our drink. They tell lies and say we’ve being flirting with them all night

Pretty much.

But you forgot to add that they actually do think they are being generous or that they are helping to make the evening nore fun by reaching the drunk status quickly which these days seems to be the whole point of going out

When I was bar staff I actually had someone come up with a drink and ask "what can I put in this that you cant taste"

Needless to say I refused and said I'll only put a shot in it if you bring me the person the drink belongs to up to the bar and they ask for it themselves.

I expect that when men see other men get off for gang raping a woman just by saying she was pissed they think it’s fine.

I'm sorry to say if this was happening to me I would buy my own drinks in the future. It isn't fair as you can't do rounds but it also isn't worth the risk. Like I say women are (unfortunately) used to the cards being stacked against them in situations like these.

It's disgusting and disgraceful behaviour. I probably knew guys like that in my early 20s but I have weeded those guys out of my social circle and can honestly say now that I'm not friends with anyone who would do that or countenance it. In the meantime, I would buy my own drinks and start again with a new drink if I needed to go to the bathroom. You shouldn't have to, but until the world's a better place...

This is why I buy my own drinks and guard them. If I leave them I dont go back to them, I get a fresh drink. I don't make a big deal of it, I just do it, and if anyone gets offended by that I treat them as a threat.
Its not my job to work out if people are naive/stupid, or have ill intentions. The first group often enable the second.

It happened to a student where I used to live, I'll try not to give TMI;
She got falling down drunk on one drink. The barman told him to get her back to her room safely, she woke up in a corridor, and he walked away without a conviction because he said she consented.

I've done the same giles

I've heard someone ask for a single to whoever's paying and the payer has then asked me for a double.
I check with whoever's drinking.

And yes to being asked to stick a shot in a pint while the person is in the loo.
Always say no way.

myth

I have to confess though that when I've been on the receiving this I struggle to weigh it all up in my head.

I was obviously relieved on the occasions that I sobered up just on time befire I did something stupid. But I was so angry at myself for taking the drinks and I was angry at them for buying doubles without me knowing.. .

And I actually feel guilty when i would take my drink with me to the toilets as I felt i was accusing people of doing something they hadn't even done yet.

I spent all my clubbing days only drinking water from unopened bottles, keeping drink glasses covered with my hand, never leaving a drink unattended etc

Although we were worried about drugs not alcohol. W.r.t. extra alcohol I agree it's utterly awful behaviour & basically poisoning but I am surprised people dont notice they are feeling drunker quicker etc I mean would reminding people to drink based on how they feel rather than numbers help? Disclaimer is that I have/had (i dont really drink anymore) a very very high alcohol tolerance.

I was sworn at aggressively as a barmaid for refusing to help spike drinks with shots - some of the people were driving ffs (in the days when some alcohol was legal!).

I've had a friend I'm pretty sure was raped after being spiked. She didn't even report it as she was so drunk she couldn't remember what had happened, guy was caught coming out of her room at a party and a used condom on the floor.
It was out of character for her to be that drunk, the guy involved had been with her all night. I think he had either spiked her or just topped her glass up.

But rape culture definitely isn't a thing