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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

What do your male partners make of GRA

112 replies

WelcomeToGilead · 05/05/2018 19:37

My husband is the stereotypical male who is unaware/blind to women’s rights in general.

Or should I say... WAS

He’s really getting angry and I’m glad to see it. This is a man who couldn’t be bothered watching Handmaids Tale when it was on because he felt it was utterly irrelevant to his existence (as an educated, well off, privately educated white male. )

Just wondering what your partners are thinking? Has anybody managed to gain their partners support? Those of you with daughters.... are you managing to talk sense into their dads?

OP posts:
WiltedDaffs · 05/05/2018 21:24

Mine thinks it's bonkers. Sometimes I think I bore him a bit when I talk about it, he wouldn't have known anything about it if I didn't though.

ALittleBitOfButter · 05/05/2018 21:35

What about sending your DH that Morning Star article, NightOwlAgain?

Waddlelikeapenguin · 05/05/2018 21:52

Mine thinks it's so ridiculous it could never happen. He signed the petition.
The GG thing made him Confused we have daughters.
The sports examples made him Shock
Then the scottish parliament redefined woman Angry & he happily took half a day off work so i could go see our MSP.

He will support & facilitate any actions i want to take but he annoyingly hasnt a political bone in his body.

AngryAttackKittens · 05/05/2018 21:55

After the lesbian couple were murdered last year and I told him about it mine has been taking a bit of a "don't hit the nest of seething wasps with a stick" approach.

MargeH · 05/05/2018 22:12

My DH just rolls his eyes and thinks I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

I was looking to see if I could get The Handmaid's Tale on All4 catch up a couple of hours ago. What's that, he asked; I explained briefly. No interest. This from a man who will watch reruns of Stargate, X-men and any other sci-fi crap....

OT, there are a few handmaids on planets accessed through the Stargate, from what I've seen. They all generally seem to be dressed in dowdy beige handwoven shifts, and are forever cowed by the men in their lives too.....

nauticant · 05/05/2018 22:17

In my experience so long as they're willing to listen, they're not a progressive dude bro, and not an actual fuckwit, many men, possibly most, think self-ID is a very bad idea.

If they need a nudge, asking whether they would choose a transwoman over a woman as a sexual partner normally helps things along as does asking them to reflect on men cheating in sport by saying they're women.

As others have said, if TRAs could be steered to attempt to convert the average bloke to their ideology this whole sorry episode would resolve itself quite quickly.

LangCleg · 05/05/2018 22:19

DH completely on board.

Clinicalwaste · 05/05/2018 22:33

Dh has signed the petition and sees right through the whole thing

JadziaSnax · 05/05/2018 22:35

DH hit peak last night. I explained what self ID would mean and he got it straight away.

nocoolnamesleft · 05/05/2018 22:37

Currently single. But I've managed to peak trans my dad...

changeypants · 05/05/2018 22:39

V right on and progressive lefty BUT entirety lacking in ego. Didn't get it. Listened. Researched. Gets it and cares. Wrote to MP. Still right on and progressive; sees that the TRA movement is regressive, classist etc.

Maryz · 05/05/2018 22:40

Men I know initially didn't believe any of it, thought I was bonkers to even suggest it. Sport has peaked transed the lot of them.

In fact, sport has even peak transed my children, who are students and very much of the "let's support minorities" point of view - it took them a little bit of time, but they are now as angry about the whole thing as I am.

IdentifiesAsMiddleAged · 05/05/2018 22:42

I talk about it a lot so sometimes I think it bores him a bit. But he totally gets it. And my teen sons do too now. Oh and also my lefty dad

JellySlice · 05/05/2018 22:45

Sports peaked my dh. Then when I showed him an article about proposed guidelines for the Scouting movement (he's a Leader) he became upset, "How can I support someone to do something I believe is fundamentally wrong?!" He sees allowing children to transition as equivalent to allowing child abuse.

But dh does not, as yet, see the fundamental misogyny of trans. he sees it as a mental health issue.

WomaninGreen · 05/05/2018 22:46

@AngryAttackKittens

What's this about a murder?

DP, DF, male friends horrified. Couple of women friends think it's fine and can't see what we're worried about.

missbonita · 05/05/2018 22:48

DH is and has always been completely gender critical. He hates the whole GRA movement and feels it is unfair that there are male bodied teenagers playing in DDs netball league. He gets irritated with other aspects of my radical feminism but understands this completely.

GlomOfNit · 05/05/2018 22:58

DH does get it ... but downgrades it. He honestly doesn't think this is going to constitute a real threat. My mum also thinks I should 'step back, stop getting het up, it'll blow itself out'. Hmm DH is an academic and knows a bit about this area and is therefore 'professionally sceptical' but otherwise thinks, I suspect, that it's just one of my 'causes' and I'll be ranting about something else in a few months.

Anyone else really concerned about broaching this with friends? I've been putting out feelers to a few mates but am choosing carefully. I've always been massively tolerant and supportive of gay and queer rights and right now I feel like a DM reader. Sad And the whole sodding thing is so nuanced it's very hard for people not to think you've just turned into an unpleasant bigot.

AngryAttackKittens · 05/05/2018 23:02

There was a lesbian couple murdered in California by a TIM with a history of involvement in exactly the kind of trans activism that women here are concerned about. Used to protest outside Michfest, etc. The TIM murdered one of their children too (young adult son, found dead outside the house the women were inside so I assume he was trying to protect his mothers and prevent the TIM from getting into the house).

thebewilderness · 05/05/2018 23:03

WomaningreenOne of the transgender advocates who used to harass women at Michfest is arrested for murdering two Lesbians and their son.
www.feministcurrent.com/2016/11/17/whats-current-81/

thebewilderness · 05/05/2018 23:04

SorryAAK cross posted.

AngryAttackKittens · 05/05/2018 23:04

Official report said it was over a "property dispute" and then there was pretty much total media silence, which is not the way the murder of an interracial lesbian couple and one of their children would normally be handled in a liberal part of the US.

IdentifiesAsMiddleAged · 05/05/2018 23:04

Glom

I spoke to someone about it a few days ago. I was pushing at an open door. She got it before I had to go into loads of details. It was very liberating because I'be put feelers out to other people and been shut down

JoyTheUnicorn · 05/05/2018 23:14

DH gets it but thinks it's too ridiculous to be a serious threat.

ALittleBitofVitriol · 05/05/2018 23:19

Dh is a conservative, not university educated (but big on self education), blue collar guy. He thinks the whole thing is ridiculous, bourgeois, first world, fake people problems. He says that no one will build a revolution around a tiny percentage of trans people. Then when I tell him they already are through backdoor funding and language manipulation and law changes, he just reiterates that 'the workers' won't fall for this shit and if they push too hard there'll be a push back. Then he starts in on civil disobedience and effective political movements and I start to regret bringing it up!
He thinks that lgb and feminists will be the ones most hurt by the pushback though.

WomaninGreen · 05/05/2018 23:23

Thanks for the information.

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