Patriarchy

[DaisyRaine90]

Is it really so bad to have a patriarchal household??

I mean, feminism is about equality right so it should be 50:50 in diff households ??

Not the soul decision no.

Joint purchase 😊

I could have said no but he found the house etc. He asked my opinion of course, but ultimately it was in the area I wanted and had everything I said I wanted so I let him make the decision.

I chose the babies name, the kids prep school and the home furnishings (and whether we had a dishwasher or not).

He chose the pram, the house and the secondary schools.

I don’t think I’m perpetuating any negative cycle, but I do believe that some people are happier when they don’t have to take responsibility for some of those big decisions.

He has chosen some other traditional things like the year we will get married, but I am choosing the venue, planning it all and the month.

I guess it’s pretty balanced but he does have the final say on some issues which I’m comfortable with.

I can’t imagine being like my Dad, who had no say in anything and eventually that resulted in divorce. I fight battles that need fighting, and I’m choosing the car 😂

Does that make me in-feminist?

Unfeminist I meant

I appreciate that’s not a real word 😊

It's nothing to do with feminism, it's about relationship dynamics.

Is there nothing that you agree on together, between you? Rather than one person deciding and the other not having much input?

WHy are you having to fight battles with him though?

I don't understand this thread at all.

I don’t understand it either. You are happy, he’s happy, everything works out.

If you allow him to make all the decisions because men are better at decisions; that’s sexist.

If you are just used to being dominated because of your DM and you’re comfy there; your choice, no sexism involved.

If he makes the decisions because he is a controlling arse, however........

Oh yeah. There’s also his perspective. And his oversight of this thread is... interesting.

I let him make the decision.

That’s not unfeminist ,to use your words, it’s family dynamics. As long as you’re happy with your choices , even if those choices are sometimes to let him choose that’s fine.

I picked DD’s name, OH picked her middle name.
OH was strongly against ear piercings, I was fairly meh (even though it’s tradition where I’m from) so followed his lead.
He picked one house which fell through before completion, I found the flat.(where we live now)
He needed a new car,I don’t drive so my only requirement was automatic windows. He got what he wanted/needed.
I wanted a sofa bed,his only requirement was that it was comfortable.
He earns more, I have more savings. We both have access to eachother’s accounts and they’re set up for easy transfers.

And so on.

Where is this really coming from? Who told you what?
My money is on your mum.

Our household doesn’t have a “head”. I find that an odd concept. It has two equal adults and some children. My childhood family was the same.

I’m another who can’t see what your relationship dynamics have to do with feminism, op. are you confusing “feminism” with “women getting their own way”? Because that’s not at all what it’s about.

And in answer to your question of, is it such a bad thing to have a patriarchal head of the household, then I’d say yes it is, and I don’t u derstand what a head of the household is even for, to be honest. Gives me an image of a victorian patriarch sitting by the fire bullying his children and belittling his wife, to be honest. Just doesn’t translate to modern life at all.

😂😂😂😂😂 user10:948383993 or whatever the number was that was lols

Try to goad about one thing at a time daisy. It'll probably aid consistency.

@user1466799132 here’s a thought they could stop winking and get on their job?

*Try to goad about one thing at a time daisy. It'll probably aid consistency.&

^This

I wasn’t goading I was laughing at the moronic comment but please misconstrue me 😊

I’m sorry anyway this thread digressed. The conclusion I have come to is that yes it is not anti feminist to let a man make a decision for you, it is anti feminist to not have a say but giving over your decision making is just part of a relationship 😊

It was when you started the AIBU yesterday about not wanting to use children's centres because you don't want to mix with poor people and the unemployed, that I concluded you were plain goady. Thankfully it was deleted.

The conclusion I have come to is that yes it is not anti feminist to let a man make a decision for you, it is anti feminist to not have a say but giving over your decision making is just part of a relationship

What a bizarre conclusion to come to. Giving over my decision making certainly isn't part of my relationship! We make decisions together (or if it's about ketchup on my burger, he knows that's a yes and can make the decision I would have made).

A person giving control of there life to someone else isn't anything to do with feminism, although if it's woman is expected to be giving it over to a man, then it probably does, given the context.

Don't engage fizz, it only encourages it.

Reddit is well worth a read.