I don't think anyone here wants to take away your lifeline, clare. We want to keep the law as it is, and I hope from what you say that you've been able to find the best way to live with yourself within the law as it stands. What we're saying is that the proposed changes to the law need to be discussed, not steamrollered through, because unlike the existing law it poses a threat to women, girls and children. It is also IMO a threat to many gay men, lesbians and trans people.
I completely agree with you that gender is the poisonous root of all our issues. I also agree that we don't live in the world I (and you?) would like to see - a world where gender roles are not entrenched and enforced. Instead, we live in this toxic, gendered environment, and I fully understand and support anybody's wish to express themselves in any way they wish - within, outside or against the gender binary. I respect the pronouns and names of everyone I encounter. So we have so many things in common.
So much of what you've posted makes me so sad and angry at the steamrollering and polarising that's going on with this issue. We aren't trying to roll back your rights or take away your lifeline. That's what the extremist end of the trans movement is telling you, but we honestly don't. Many of us are the parents of teenagers who have abruptly declared themselves to be transgender, and are appalled at the lack of support available to them, and to us, to try to find out why this is so suddenly the case. We think there must be a wide variety of reasons for this - issues of toxic gendering such as the ones you have mentioned. But increasingly, the only explanation that we are allowed to accept is that our children have simply ALWAYS BEEN the opposite sex (not gender) from the one that they biologically are. And increasingly, the only treatment we are allowed to accept is immediate affirmation and hormonal treatment. But those decisions should be taken only by adults, not by young children who are still developing. We want children to have the space to explore and be critical of toxic gender roles, not simply to be bundled into the opposite role. But we are being told that, if we don't go along with current dogma that the child must be medicalised ASAP, our child will commit suicide, and we will have caused it. We are 'literally erasing them'.
So when we talk of lifelines: either you believe us - that we mean the best in this, that we want our children to free to explore gender without being forced into one box or another before they're ready to decide, that we want them to have the same lifeline that you have... or you think as the extreme transactivists do, and would say that we would 'rather have a dead child than a trans child'. This is a group of parents. Which do you honestly think is more likely?