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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Why do men use prostitutes?

392 replies

QuentinSummers · 01/08/2017 06:12

Guardian have published a summary of a research project here
www.theguardian.com/society/2010/jan/15/why-men-use-prostitutes
Men were asked what would put them off. A criminal record, an ASBO or their employer being told was the answer. Finding out the woman was pimped or coerced apparently not so much.
Not sure how that squares with the full decriminalisation model.

OP posts:
danieldannydan · 16/08/2017 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

QuentinSummers · 16/08/2017 08:11

I often wonder how these guys just happen to find themselves on FWR while googling

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 16/08/2017 08:33

Why has MN allowed Danny a
Message withdrawn at poster's request ?

Datun · 16/08/2017 08:37

but it beats accidentally falling for one of you until you show your true colours.

Hahahahaha Grin GrinGrin

I'm actually thinking of changing my user name to this.

Datun · 16/08/2017 08:41

Perhaps Danny had the smallest, hardly perceptible, barest whiff of an inkling that it might be painting him in a bad light.

Just a hunch.

Dervel · 16/08/2017 09:28

daniel sorry to hear you didn't have a strong male role model who was able to model healthy masculine behaviors for you. I'm a man and probably older than you so I'll endevour to step up. You came here with an inking something wasn't quite right about prostitution, but you want a rationalization for doing it again.

Your particular disdain for women, and for feminists in particular is obvious, I think you know what response you'd get here and use that as a justification for using prostitutes again.

You have this binary view of women, which is inaccurate btw however presumably you want to attract a particularly decent one later in life, but you are going to be making that hard for yourself as decent women will run a mile from men like you, unless you develop a particular talent for self deception. However your true nature will out and it will just end and you will end up alone and bitter.

Truth is almost always preferable to falsehood, and by succumbing to this delusional fantasy you will find catered to within the sex industry you will move further away from an accurate view of the world and calcify even more unpleasent attitudes towards women.

This in the long run will retard your own happiness and prospects, but by then you will lack the self knowledge to diagnose the problem and will end up blaming women even more. You have already placed your first foot on that path. You already view human sexuality as transactional as opposed to reciprocal, and this comes from a surrender of your own agency to the alter of your own sexual desires.

Power, and male power in particular stems in truth from the power you have over yourself. Deep down you know this but surrendering your own sexual being to this transactional paradigm WILL set you on a woman hating course, it becomes inevitable, so be a man, don't do it, and self reflect. Shoot me a pm if you have any questions or help with this.

Datun · 16/08/2017 09:43

God, Dervel. Humbling is too strong a word, but I've seen your measured and thoughtful posts towards mixed-up men before.

I genuinely hope you get to use your specific talent in real life, in your job maybe. If so, I should imagine it's invaluable for the people to whom it's applied.

SophoclesTheFox · 16/08/2017 10:13

You're very patient with these types, Dervel. I suspect it might be pearls before swine, but good on you for keeping the high ground. Do any of them ever take you up on it?

SophoclesTheFox · 16/08/2017 10:18

Just posting to pick up on Lass's point, and will report my own post as I would also like to draw it to MNHQ's attention to ask why they would allow a poster to withdraw a post that contained extremely misogynistic language and aggression towards the women on this board. Either let it stand so that people can see what was said, or delete it because it broke guidelines.

NellieUnkles · 16/08/2017 10:21

It either says something about me or the direction this thread has taken than I actually found danny's delusional wank manifesto a slightly welcome change from MrGHardy's condescending mansplaining.

The spelling was worse, though -- or am I crediting danny with too much literary subtlety to consider whether his spelling of 'feminist' as 'femenist' was intentional, rather than your standard disempowered, subliterate knuckle-dragging?

Datun · 16/08/2017 10:21

I agree it's unhelpful to delete posts. Unless they are outing or break guidelines. The posts written in response won't make sense, either.

SophoclesTheFox · 16/08/2017 10:28

It either says something about me or the direction this thread has taken than I actually found danny's delusional wank manifesto a slightly welcome change from MrGHardy's condescending mansplaining

Grin with you on that. It's boring to deal with mansplaining bro types, it just drags on and on, but it's easier and probably more satisfying to tell an out-and-out knuckle dragger to just fuck off.

Dervel · 16/08/2017 10:55

Sophocles nope sad to say not so far, best I ever got was a man conceding that maybe his use of prostitutes was unethical and he would reflect further on it, but never posted again so I fear not.

As to patience, I post on here a bit and there is a case that maybe I shouldn't as for many it's better being an exclusively female space so I figure I can at least provide the utility of engaging with the rogues gallery that wander in here from time to time, and take up some of their time if they choose to engage with me.

Datun · 16/08/2017 11:01

Dervel

Don't stop posting. Your contributions are always very good. And although I hate to say it, often a man's point of view will be respected more.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 16/08/2017 11:02

Yeah I'm thinking they are having to desensitise themselves to the whole thing to be able to sit comfortably with doing it. Just like you just morally distance yourself when watching horse races even though you know that you placed a bet on that horse and if it dies your potential profit has put that horse down if it gets injured. Same with greyhound racing etc. Obviously it's not the same thing but it's under the same bracket I think, emotional dissonance.

Of course there's the possibility of a Madonna/whore complex too.

Or they could just be a nasty cunt who actually gets off on the idea of someone sleeping with them because they feel forced to.

I suppose it is what it is. It's deciding what the best course of action is and I honestly don't know the answer to that.

To your question on why do they use them?

That answer is so open ended.

Note: I am a female and mid 20s but do have a lot of male friends. Though only 1 has ever openly admitted to purchasing a prostitutes service and he is no longer a friend. Not just for purchasing services but because he's generally a douchebag in many aspects of life, not just with how he sees women.

SophoclesTheFox · 16/08/2017 11:06

I can't speak for others, but I think your concept of running interference on here is a pretty thoughtful strategy, and I think your posts are interesting (been here a while, recent NC). You can have a feminist cookie from me Wink

MNHQ emailed me back to say the withdrawn post thing was done until they had time to delete, which they have now done, so all good (though personally I think the misogyny would be better served being left up so we can all point and laugh. I don't tend to report unless they get aggro).

Datun · 16/08/2017 11:41

SophoclesTheFox

So does that mean MNHQ took the decision to delete the post themselves? Nothing to do with the poster?

I really wish they wouldn't. Although that post was no surprise to me, I'm always aware of the lurkers who don't really get what feminists are banging on about.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 16/08/2017 12:11

I can't see a reason for MN to have taken it upon themselves to delete Danny's first post.

It was not a personal attack on anyone; it wasn't aggressive ; the ideas being expressed were stupid rather than offensive ( ok they were offensive but stupid was the prevailing odour coming through)

Do they think we can't cope ? Even if it were deliberately faux stupid I'm sure we can still cope.

SophoclesTheFox · 16/08/2017 12:20

They just said that it was deleted for "breaking talk guidelines", Datun.

I don't know which ones. Overly fappy content? No idea.

Datun · 16/08/2017 12:22

I agree lass. Stupid, but heartfelt!

MNHQ - can you reinstate it?

HamstersHaveNoButtocks · 14/01/2018 20:44

Many years ago I was a sex worker - sex for money. I wouldn't have sex without being paid, but no, it wasn't rape.
Think about a musician, a pianist or opera singer. All we care about is the service she provides.
No different from sex work

Xenophile · 14/01/2018 20:49

My DS is a musician, if he ran the same risks at work of rape, murder and abuse as prostituted women do, there's no way he or most other musicians would have chosen it except as a last resort.

So, entirely different.

QuentinSummers · 14/01/2018 21:23

Why have you bumped a thread about why men use prostitutes with an anecdote about your experience of being a prostitute hamsters? It's irrelevant and bizarre

OP posts:
EamonnWright · 14/01/2018 21:26

How is it irrelevant, Quentin?

Anyway, if anyone wants to validate their view that Feminists hate men they could do a lot worse than read this thread.

QuentinSummers · 14/01/2018 21:31

Because the thread is about why men use prostitutes.

OP posts: