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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Why do men use prostitutes?

392 replies

QuentinSummers · 01/08/2017 06:12

Guardian have published a summary of a research project here
www.theguardian.com/society/2010/jan/15/why-men-use-prostitutes
Men were asked what would put them off. A criminal record, an ASBO or their employer being told was the answer. Finding out the woman was pimped or coerced apparently not so much.
Not sure how that squares with the full decriminalisation model.

OP posts:
Xenophile · 14/01/2018 23:13

He knows exactly what I meant Assassinated, he's choosing to side with men who use women in that way.

AssassinatedBeauty · 14/01/2018 23:13

In your opinion. No one who isn't looking for an argument would think that those descriptions are what anyone here thinks of women. It's the actions of the men that use them that is being described.

BertrandRussell · 14/01/2018 23:17

Have we had the I know someone who works as a prostitute because she loves sex and earns megabucks yet? Oh, and what about feminists despise prostitute women? If there weren’t prostitutes there’d be more rspe?

EamonnWright · 14/01/2018 23:18

He knows exactly what I meant Assassinated, he's choosing to side with men who use women in that way

And there we have it. Irrational and untrue nonsense. Exactly why folk turn their noses up at feminist discourse.

Xenophile · 14/01/2018 23:19

Not yet Bertrand, but you know it's going to come along at some point.

We're also all going to be horrible old prudes.

Oh, and our husbands will all be with them having a great time, because we're so vile, or something.

AssassinatedBeauty · 14/01/2018 23:19

That's not the reason why you've turned your nose up to feminism now is it?

EamonnWright · 14/01/2018 23:21

That's not the reason why you've turned your nose up to feminism now is it?

I mentioned feminist discourse, not feminism. There are lots if things I disagree with yet I still read and listen.

Datun · 14/01/2018 23:34

I don't use prostitutes or watch Porn (I did untill reading I think it's Datun on here)

Cool.

It is people like you fucking their students. Stop doing it please.

It doesn't work that way round. That seed just falls on stony ground. It doesn't tend to drive women into a self righteous frenzy of defensiveness.

With men you can say NAMALT (not all men are like that).

But for women it's HAWALT. Hardly any women are like that.

So that particular arrow will miss its target almost every time.

EamonnWright · 14/01/2018 23:41

You say the arrow misses, I say it doesn't. Where does that leave us?

I'm telling you that folk are turned off these issues due to the man hating language. I'm not making it up or using it to turn an argument a certain way. I'm saying it because I know this for a fact.

I spend far too much time on football forums. I'm constantly pushing the trans stuff and have peaked quite a few. These same hairy arsed people won't take anything into account if it comes from a feminist due to the language used by them.

Who is that helping?

It's actually similar to Trans itself. I would instinctively have sympathy yet the obnoxious language they tend to use makes be dislike them, and then disliking their 'cause' comes naturally.

You can't see how this would happen?

AssassinatedBeauty · 14/01/2018 23:45

So, women be nicer and more polite before we listen to you?

EamonnWright · 14/01/2018 23:49

So, women be nicer and more polite before we listen to you

Honestly? Aye. It's like anything really, if you want folk to listen to you properly then it's a good idea not to shout rapists at them. It's a hang up for most funny enough.

I'm not your enemy, believe me.

And I've never went to a prostitute just to clarify, looking at Datuns post my grammar might give that impression.

AssassinatedBeauty · 14/01/2018 23:53

Honestly? I could be as polite and deferential as you like and the men that want to use prostitutes will not listen. It's not them that need persuading, it's other men who don't think it's an issue. And they won't listen to polite deferential women either, as all of human history shows.

AnyFucker · 14/01/2018 23:53

Because they are inadequate people, basically, and appear to have the empathy gene removed from their psyche

EamonnWright · 14/01/2018 23:55

So all men won't listen?

Try painting any other group on here like you do with men and see how quick your arse is banned.

If you can't see the problem then there's nothing I can do.

EamonnWright · 14/01/2018 23:55

Because they are inadequate people, basically, and appear to have the empathy gene removed from their psyche

Is, imo, the correct answer.

AssassinatedBeauty · 14/01/2018 23:57

No, I said "other men who won't listen". Not all men. Just the ones who think prostitution is acceptable/inevitable even though they don't use prostitutes themselves.

AnyFucker · 14/01/2018 23:58

I also think people who use porn fall into that category.

EamonnWright · 15/01/2018 00:00

No, I said "other men who won't listen". Not all men. Just the ones who think prostitution is acceptable/inevitable even though they don't use prostitutes themselves

So certain people then? I know lots of women who think prostitution is fine. Where dies that leave us?

People on here very rarely caveat things like that. It's men and men only.

EamonnWright · 15/01/2018 00:01

I also think people who use porn fall into that category

I would say most are ignorant more so. I know I was.

AnyFucker · 15/01/2018 00:04

Ignorance is no excuse, imo

AlmondPearls · 15/01/2018 00:07

You know what, I think I regret my previous post. I still get defensive about prostitution and my ex-pimp. Apologies. My instinct is always to defend, but rationally I know it's not right. What happened to me wasn't right.

I remember being a bit 'wonky' and not all there after the effects of a ketamine binge were wearing off, and getting a call from my dealer asking me to come down and see him. I get in the car. There's two men in there I don't know. He starts driving and I'm still a bit wacked-out, I have absolutely no idea where we are going.
When we arrive, I'm taken into a house where there is another man I don't know. I'm offered cocaine and alcohol which I accept because I'm fucking anxious and drug-dependent. In the end, I was left with 3 men that I had never met in my life, while my dealer went home and left me there.

I had sex with all 3 of them. What did I get out of it? A quarter ounce of more ketamine and a chivalrousEnvy lift back to my hostel (that I lived in after being released from a psychiatric hospital).

I was 17 and these were all grown men.

This went in for a few months (I was one of the lucky ones and I know it). When I told my support worker, she moved me out of the area for my own safety. And what was my response to her? Calling her every name under the sun and crying my eyes out because I wanted to stay.

Why? Why would I want to stay in that situation? Because I'd known my dealer/pimp since I was just 14 years old and had fancied him ever since. We had a sexual relationship and I wanted to impress him, I wanted to make him happy and do what he wanted me to do. I wanted to be close to him, and the more entangled in the drugs and the sex I got, the closer I felt (the more times we had to talk/meet-up/be together).

Fucking pathetic.

And you know what? If I saw in the paper that this man had been arrested, I would be upset by it. Even sadder.

AlmondPearls · 15/01/2018 00:07

Sorry for using this thread as a fucking personal therapy session. I might have to NC now.

EamonnWright · 15/01/2018 00:12

Ignorance is no excuse, imo

I agree to an extent but I don't think telling people that helps, they will just throw their guard up so a different approach might be better. I tell my mates to imagine their daughter getting thrown about a port set by a few guys. You obviously shouldn't have to get someone to imagine someone close to them before they give a shit but everyone has their own ways.

For example my mother was peaktransed after I'd shown her stuff about children being given drugs at the drop of a hat and my father was regarding Bath University stopping research.

Does my father not care about children being given drugs? Of course he does, it's just that education and it's freedom is something I knew he would react to and he has since looked into it all.

People react to different things differently.

AnyFucker · 15/01/2018 00:18

Empathy is not dependent on your life experience. You either possess it or you do not.

For example, I cannot directly identify with Almond's experiences but she does not have to personally tailor her recounting of them to trigger understanding in me.

EamonnWright · 15/01/2018 00:20

Well if that's what you think then fair enough.