I'm fucking sick of male violence

[QuentinSummers]

This poor little boy, saying sorry and still getting beaten to death
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-40522224
And we will have to all act like this is a random piece of bad luck as opposed to some absolute evil fucking man who's been taught by society that it's ok to use your physical strength to assert dominance over others.
Stop the world, I want to get off.

I have just started a similar thread about this story. I just cannot bear it. That poor, poor boy.

It's hideous. I have a nearly 5 yr old son and I can't bear to think about this. I wish I could have been there to intervene and stop this violent thug from hurting this poor little boy.

I don't think we do have to act like it's bad luck though
I know what you mean though OP sometimes it all seems too much. I get exposed to a lot of this at work, sometimes I just knit and watch gardening programmes when I'm at home.

These stories aren't one offs either and I'm sure the violence didn't start with him murdering him either. My heart goes out to all those children in homes where domestic violence is part of their lives.

I think the OP means we are supposed to act like they are rare one-offs, when they aren't. Women and children are killed by men every few days. The other case today about the man who murdered two girlfriends and left the last one to be discovered by her children on Mother's Day, this is a problem in society that makes men feel they have the right to hurt and lash out to assuage their feelings.

I can't bring myself to read that

But yeah, I hear ya

Yes that's exactly it pippa
Not to mention the terrorists out there stabbing people or blowing themselves up

Yes, I read an an article about the Ariana Grande bombing and how it effectively targeted little girls and women because of the demographic. Men died as well, of course, but it wasn't a mistake that that culprit choose that arena which was going to be full of young girls.

It scares me because you are right, each thing is treated as an isolated incident rather than a pattern of behaviour that society endorses, facilitates and permits. There should be an outcry every time someone is killed in a domestic incident but everyone just shrugs as if there is nothing that can be done. I follow 'counting dead women' on Twitter, such important but sad work she is doing.

I totally agree OP. Men act like the men who commit head acts are an aberration and nothing to do with them! As long as they have this attitude nothing will change. Men will keep on bragging about how they invent stuff while completely ignoring the violence and devastation they wreak upon women and children.

I don't know what it will take for men to take a good, hard look at themselves.

I'm glad you started this thread (and Pippa yours too) because I didn't want to let it pass unmarked. But I also have no idea what to say. Just what all of you said above.

Like AF I can't read the article (I've got a 5 yr old - just a bit too close to home) but I'm with you Quentin. Every time they say "isolated incident" I just want to scream.

Poor poor boy and his family . I suspect this could have been prevented. Like they all could if we just looked at male violence and DV as a product of society rather than some random 'other' men.

I am going to donate to Women's Aid today and to the NSPCC. Both charities plug the gap that Government services just don't. It isn't going to help much but it might help me feel less powerless.

Pippa, where is your thread?

I too hear you OP.

I think part of the problem is the need to "other" things, so it seems less likely to happen to you, and part of it is the old "well my brother/father/husband/uncle/friend couldn't possibly do that".

As was evidenced on a thread yesterday where a guy admitted to his female colleague that he'd been accused of domestic violence, and there were reams and reams of people saying "yeah my friend had that, but I don't believe he could do it"

If all these blokes are innocent, in the minds of the women who believe them, it "others" the worry.

Like rape.
It's easier to be frightened of the very rare stranger at knife point scenario, than it is to worry about your partner or friend doing it, which is statistically much more likely.

I feel if we started treating it as the fucking embedded part of everyday life it is, rather than a rare abberation, we might start tackling it properly.
And one of the first steps is to stop the attitude of "it could never happen to me- it only happens to those people over there, my husband/father/ friend is too nice"

It's fucking everywhere- every single bloke is capable of it, and men need to acknowledge that, ffs.

Sorry I'm waffling a bit- just putting some thoughts out there.

And that story is fucking heart breaking.

I really am fucking sick of it all.

Domestic violence kills way more women and children than terrorism does. When is it going to get same level of press, attention and public mourning?

The family and friends of Alice Ruggles are raising money for Women's Aid in a variety of ways and have I believe spoken of some issues pointing out these aren't isolated incidents.

www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-statement-alice-ruggles-murder/
www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/how-family-alice-ruggles-hope-12957919

Male violence is constant.

I know what you're saying.

But the other thing that went through my mind when I read the court report is that parents possibly need more support in making appropriate relationship choices or maybe just more social support so that early parenthood doesn't get so lonely.

How many of these cases are there every year in which an impoverished, isolated parent allows a de facto step-parent into their child's life and horrible abuse ensues?

Maybe a version of the "freedom project" materials should be taught in PSHE to older teens to help them recognise abusers and abusive behaviour.

serf that's not solving the problem of male violence.

Horrific. Saw this on the BBC homepage yesterday, together with the case of the man who killed not one but TWO of his girlfriends and nearly got away with it. The police clearly didn't give a shit - it was only the persistence of the second girlfriend's parents that brought it to justice .

Agree that it's male violence we need to address head-on, not anything else. (Although addressing police and media indifference to male violence would also help.)

Empowering people to protect themselves and their children from male violence (and psychological, financial and sexual abuses) is a good idea, though, isn't it?

Particularly as it's hard to see how "solving male violence" is going to come about on a widespread basis.

We should be doing more of what works.

That was to @ImAFurchester

Actually, I'm going to backtrack.

Empowering women to avoid and resist male violence IS a solution, I think, or at least a part of one.

It's removing opportunity to abuse, creating a hostile environment for abusers (a country in which the patterns and mechanisms of male violence are understood) and it's supportive of a zero-tolerance approach. It can be practical, ground-level, empowering to individual women AND be part of the solution.

That's a really good idea Terf

Yes serf. Maybe if these men couldn't get a partner it would incentivise them to change their ways.