Men watch porn to help them get 'ready'

[imthelastsplash]

My dd (11) came out with this after an SRE lesson today.

I'm so angry at this. They had watched a DVD of birth and earlier in the week had had a 'how babies are made' lesson. I have NO idea how that statement came into the lesson but the character conversation went like this:
Dd's friend: she told us men watch porn to make them ready
Me: what? Did they she say that?
Dd: she said sex tape
Me: what exactly did she say?
Dd: that men watch sex tapes to get ready
Me: they don't - I need to go into school
Dd: don't mum!
Me: i am!

We left it at that as she was mortified. Dds friends mum was there as well and asked if I was really going to go into school and seemed shocked I would.

What a stupid thing to say to a group of children. It's like saying 'some people take drugs to have a good time' without an explanation of why drugs are bad and not a good idea. It has just told 50 odd boys that it's fine to watch porn to get ready for sex because that's what some men do. It's told 50 odd girls that it's fine for men to watch porn because that's what some men do. Arghhh! I'm not being a twat about this I know I'm not.

Don't know why I posted (first op here as well) I just needed to vent it somewhere and be reassured that the whole world isn't fucking batshit before I phone.

I'm head of pshe and this sort of thing is why I ask staff if they would feel happy teaching this subject and we think about the types of questions that might come up and think k about our answers. If a question like that was put in a box I would expect staff to not answer it at all if they were going to come out with crap like that!

I'd play a straight bat and give pros and cons but parents would hate that

I would only give the cons.

I mean, "It helps you get off if you have sufficiently numbed your empathy to actually like it" is the only "pro" I can think of.

And that's a bit like with smoking "well, if you are already addicted to nicotine, it helps you calm down".

But yes, parents would hate that.

(I'd not last a day as teacher. Children coming home with: "Men watch porn because we live in a patriarchy and buying women's bodies is seen as acceptable" .. I'd be fired that very day. )

By pros I mean it's natural to be curious and natural for humans to get turned on watching others have sex.
It's a great learning question actually but sad to discuss it with 10/11 year olds. I would have found an erection very alarming/scary at that age

I had a student reminisce about a lesson when "you talked about sex for ages". I couldn't place the lesson. It turns out there was part of a literary text that referred to something rude and I explained it.

Somebody has asked a question about it (either genuine or to show off - you'd be surprised what questions we get in y7/8). In which case that would be factually true.

The thing people need to consider is that it is not the place of teachers to instruct teenagers to have a particular view on pornography.

My answer to the question would be something like this: Porn is sexually explicit material that men and women can consume, usually because it arouses them. It is adult content and there are many ethical discussions about it. If you ever see anything or feel upset by seeing something tell an adult

If I had an older class and it progressed then I would be happu to open up a discussion about the ethics of porn and facilitate a student discussion.

Olennas - but in your answer you are assuming the whole class knows what porn is to start with some won't have ever even have heard the word and would be thoroughly confused by your answer.

Also, on a separate note porn is not just women-only. There's lots of male and female porn, gay porn and so on. It's not just all exploitation and degradation of women and women's bodies. That should be factored in somewhere (not to 11yo though of course).

Ok, Star, I could preface my answer with "pornography, or porn, is the depiction of people doing sexually explicit things". I think the rest still stands...

"pornography, or porn, is the depiction of people doing sexually explicit things".

See, that's where the problem begins.

A depiction, i.e. a drawing of people doing sexually explicit things is not automatically porn in my opinion. (Though I know the word is used for it)

... probably it would be best to preface a less detailed explanation with "What many people mean when they talk of porn ..."

Vestal - in this imaginary scenario I'm stood talking to a class of 11 year olds, I'm cool with keeping it simple. I doubt any parent is going to storm into school complaining that a teacher told their DC that porn is "the depiction of people doing sexually explicit things", and it's not so factually incorrect as to lead to vast misunderstandings in later years

(I think - teachers, tell me if this is wrong?)

Anyway, my point was that it's not that hard to talk about what porn is in a way that is non-judgemental but helps children understand that there are some significant downsides to it

Perhaps the teacher should just say that is a question for another day and then sought advice.

If the entire class heard she should let the parents know that the question has come up. And let the parents decide based on their attitudes.

As previous posters have said, it's a huge topic. Some parents may not want their 11-year-olds to have any knowledge of it and others will want to give them information.

Either way if you're going to throw out 'ask me any question you like' in sex lesson, at the very least you should be prepared to give a neutral answer. Or defer the discussion.

The conclusions that those children would have drawn from the answer given would range from disinterest to horror.

Can Vestal and Olennas write the curriculum please?

Wow. Please do let us know what the outcome is.

"I mean, "It helps you get off if you have sufficiently numbed your empathy to actually like it" is the only "pro" I can think of. "

I've actually stumbled on some instructional videos of sex positions and techniques that are quite passable (after a very, VERY long search peeing through my fingers at the 'normal' stuff). I mean, the people in them still clearly look like porn actors and there is too much emphasis on PIV, but a wee bit of legit female pleasure is shown. Stuff like that has actual instructional value (you have to hunt for it very hard of course).

And there's Erika Lust who's famous for making feminist porn (have never seen it myself to confirm).

But still, all this instructional business on how to have good sex is also covered in erotic fiction, diagrams, animation, forums, expert literature. There is really is no ethical reason to allow the 99.99% of porn filth to exist, just so 0.01% can pass as instructional.

"peeing through my fingers"

Eww!

That's a whole other sub-genre!

OMG...
PEEPING!!!!

Typo of the century

or PEERING