Men watch porn to help them get 'ready'

[imthelastsplash]

My dd (11) came out with this after an SRE lesson today.

I'm so angry at this. They had watched a DVD of birth and earlier in the week had had a 'how babies are made' lesson. I have NO idea how that statement came into the lesson but the character conversation went like this:
Dd's friend: she told us men watch porn to make them ready
Me: what? Did they she say that?
Dd: she said sex tape
Me: what exactly did she say?
Dd: that men watch sex tapes to get ready
Me: they don't - I need to go into school
Dd: don't mum!
Me: i am!

We left it at that as she was mortified. Dds friends mum was there as well and asked if I was really going to go into school and seemed shocked I would.

What a stupid thing to say to a group of children. It's like saying 'some people take drugs to have a good time' without an explanation of why drugs are bad and not a good idea. It has just told 50 odd boys that it's fine to watch porn to get ready for sex because that's what some men do. It's told 50 odd girls that it's fine for men to watch porn because that's what some men do. Arghhh! I'm not being a twat about this I know I'm not.

Don't know why I posted (first op here as well) I just needed to vent it somewhere and be reassured that the whole world isn't fucking batshit before I phone.

I'd definitely challenge that. Demand that the children are told that it was incorrect information. Check first that your DD wasn't mistaken though

It couldn't possibly be someone who is donating sperm, and watching porn, could it?

Whether that's right or wrong is a different thread. But I do know that it's acceptable practice.

Because I can't think under what extraordinary circumstances children would be told that boys watching porn is acceptable.

Yes, definitely query this. If that is what the teacher said then that's totally unacceptable. They're basically telling young boys and girls that porn is an accurate reflection of what happens in a loving adult relationship and that its okay to mimic and encourage others to mimic behaviour they might not understand or could be dangerous, it's so damaging especially at this young and impressionable age.

Establish the facts first in a calm and pleasant manner.

If it is as it seems then challenge it.

'Sex tape', 'how babies are made'. Both of those phrases that could be used in terms of sperm donation.

I've just re-read your opening post. Girls of eleven are being introduced to porn on the basis that boys need it to have sex.

Does the school have any idea how the objectification of girls and sexual harassment is at epidermic proportions in school. Do they know that currently a girl's first sexual experience is thought to be anal sex? Do they know that 'dating' websites aimed at 13-year-olds (Yellow) are over run with boys' first reaction being 'send nudes'.

Do they have any idea how pornography is most significant contributing factor to all this?

I'm speechless with shock.

How does that make sense even in the most pornified and misogynist worldview?

I suggest sending your dd to school half an hour later and tell the school she needs to watch a video of learning children to "get ready".

Tell them she needs a longer lunch break to watch videos of people who are eating to get ready for eating.

Since apparently, one cannot get engaged in an activity without watching other people do it beforehand.

What the fuck?

'Sex tape', 'how babies are made'. Both of those phrases that could be used in terms of sperm donation

I very much hope they talked about sperm donation as an alternative to piv when it comes to reproduction.
At least that would accurately describe what happens, not describe to the girls a sex life with a porn-addicted man and normalize it.

That's exactly what keeps going round in my head, 'what the fuck'. I've rang and someone is going to call me back. It doesn't really matter what context it was said in because what my daughter and her friend took from it was that some men watch porn to get ready. I don't know who taught the lesson, it may have been a member of staff or someone they'd got in to do it (school nurse?) fucking hell I can't put into words how pissed off this has made me

Blimey, unless something has got seriously garbled in transmission (and I agree with PP that you need to calmly establish the facts) then that is bloody terrible.

How old is the teacher?

If she's my age (mid 30s) or younger, she might well think that is the norm and that men require it.

Honestly plenty of women - especially those a little younger than me - think that. It's completely fucked up. I'm talking married women I know through baby groups etc, who seem to accept their partner watching porn and then raping them (or doing coercive sex to them, anyway) as the norm in relationships. I never know what to say as it comes up so casually... (much like it seems the teacher might have casually let this one slip without thinking it through?) but it's common enough.

Even if they talked about sperm donation, surely it is not necessary to tell 11 year old girls that yes, sadly most men aren't even able to masturbate without porn anymore?

(Though I suppose in the crazy world we live in, telling them that "men watch porn to get ready" and nothing more than that, would be seen as more acceptable than "men can cause ejaculation by stimulating their penis with their hands" )

Let us know what the school say OP. I would be absolutely fucking furious if DD had this experience.

Batteries - I'm lost for words. How did we get so screwed up in the course of 15, 20 years? (I'm early 50s).

I really hope this isn't true and is some horrific misunderstanding. But then, where else did your DDs friend hear about porn and sex tapes?!

imthelastsplash

They are actually teaching girls that boys watching a film predicated on using women as a receptacle to be wanked into is an acceptable precursor to sex with those girls (at some point - not suggesting they are approving under age sex).

Whatever the reason it's totally unacceptable. What on earth does this woman think?

Even if one uses pornography, teaching children, actually teaching them, that it's beneficial and necessary is unbelievable.

If she's my age (mid 30s) or younger, she might well think that is the norm and that men require it.

I am that age, and I cannot imagine anyone my age would think it normal.

That men watch porn, yes, that is normalized.

But that a man watches porn as a way to "get ready" for sex?

Even if porn wasn't so unethical in and of itself ... I'd not want to be with a man who has to look at drawings of hot women to get in the mood to have sex with me, either. I mean, that's pretty insulting, isn't it?

If I lived in the Middle Ages and was married to a gay man and wanted a child, then I'd tolerate him looking at pictures of hot men to get ready.
But nowadays, surely we can all be with people who are genuinely attracted to us?

Could it be that all horrible trends from the US arrive in the UK a couple of years earlier than in Germany? That would explain it.

Or I just live in a bubble. Perfectly possible.

The only acceptable lesson on pornography is about how it objectifies women. How dangerous it is for women. How the commodification of women's bodies is detrimental and degrading.
Have they seen what it out there? The gangbanging, the people that Google prolapse so they can view women who have been injured by violent anal sex.

Dear god. No wonder boys grow up with a twisted view of women.

Introducing young girls to the world of pornography should only be going one way. The same with boys. This is madness.

I too, feel bloody old.

Have they seen what it out there?

I used to believe that the pro-porn women actually hadn't seen porn and thought it was just depictions of people having sex in ... well, ways that don't harm the woman by any other way than STD and pregnancy. (Which cannot be said to be harmless, but, you know, that was the old normal)

But now I wonder whether they have and consider it acceptable.

(I used to believe people who were pro-transactivism just didn't know all the facts or hadn't thought it through. Then I was made aware that yes, they want to force traumatized women to share rooms with men.)

imthelastsplash

When they call back, have your response already. Write down bullet points. Be coherent and calm.

You can say at all. All of it.

"The only acceptable lesson on pornography is about how it objectifies women"

Teeny tiny disagreement - I'd also teach that use can lead to erectile dysfunction

I'm speechless.

Teeny tiny disagreement - I'd also teach that use can lead to erectile dysfunction

Yes! That Italian study? Adolescent boys suffering from erectile dysfunction because of their overuse of porn.

Definitely hammer that one home in an SRE lesson !

(What does SRE stand for? Is PSHE no longer used?)

Vestal I lived in a feminist bubble before having babies.

I'm a bit of an agony aunt figure in real life, don't know why, people tell me things. I'm pretty non judgemental I guess and tend to just let people talk and get it all out.

Mothers who I consider no more than acquaintances tell me and a couple of other women sat around, the horrific things their DH does and then the others nod along and say things like well that's men for you and I'm internally screaming OMG I want to be sick in my mouth that is rape. But I tend to gently say things like 'if you don't want to have anal sex you don't have to' and 'if you don't want to watch those videos you don't have to. You don't have to have sex to porn like that if it makes you cry' etc etc.

I'm a veteran of it now but when it first started happening I thought what the fuck kind of twilight zone have I stepped into.

Often new mothers overshare - your pre-baby friendships are all over the place, your world is upside down and you need someone to talk to who gets it. Makes sense but my word it's opened my eyes to a whole world of women who have normalised stuff like this.

Should say I appear pretty non judgmental. My mumsnet posting history will attest the secretly I am quite judgemental