When 'allies of feminism' turn out to be...not

[explodingkittens]

I mainly lurk on the feminism boards and have learned so much, but I really felt the need to post and try to get my head around this issue. I don't want to give too many details as I know the person concerned is an MNer but I just need to know if I'm being ridiculous, I suppose.

I have a male friend who I have always believed I was close to. We have known each other for several years and I honestly believed that he was an 'ally'. We both work in an area where respect for, championing of even, women's rights and women's voices is fundamental. He has always been very vocal about this but also committed (I thought) to 'walking the walk' as well as just shouting about it.

We differ on many aspects of feminism - most recently the whole trans thing (I'm supposedly a TERF, he's all about the 'trans women are women' shit) and our discussions about it have been fierce at times. But that's what I have enjoyed about our friendship, we differ, we argue, but I felt that we always met as equals. I also need to say that he has been incredibly supportive of some horrible personal stuff I've had over the last year - he has been a rock.

But a couple of days ago we had a 'discussion' (about something to do with work) and the outcome is that I seriously now doubt that he is any kind of ally at all, and it's thrown me for a loop. If this man doesn't believe that women are truly equal and that their voices are important, then who the fuck does?

I won't go into detail but basically I pulled him up on something ridiculously mansplainly and patronising he said (and actually said that I was pissed off about it), and his reaction - to ignore, shut down and then belittle - has genuinely smacked my gob. He has ignored me since.

It has left me wondering if Germaine was right all along, and women genuinely don't have any idea of how much men hate them. I realise that might sound like an overreaction but I feel like the scales have fallen, and it's not a pretty sight.

I feel equally gutted and furious. Someone tell me I'm making too much of this, please?

Trudeau also defends the wearing of the niqab as an issue of personal liberty while refusing to acknowledge the deeply oppressive patriarchal roots of the practice. I find him to be an empty virtue-signaller on women's issues. He'll take what he thinks is the appropriate stance because it's the opposite of what conservatives are saying, without really considering it in-depth.

Funny how men's feelings are so Real and Important while women's feelings are always a hysterical overreaction eh?

YY.

I read the thread. Then I keep quiet.