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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

DH says 'most women don't give a shit about this'

123 replies

Albadross · 16/03/2017 00:31

I get that we have a precious little echo chamber here, but is he right that most of the women in the western world just don;t care, don;t see the need and wish we'd all FTFO?

OP posts:

Original poster

Albadross · 16/03/2017 19:17

I should also clarify that DH cares about feminism - he was pointing out that most other people don't, because I asked him whether most people he knows care about it. I tend to think that YouTube and MN reflect society because they're my window on the world and I don't actually deal with many people IRL as weird as I'm sure that seems

OP posts:

DJBaggySmalls · 16/03/2017 19:17

I dont think he has any way to know that Albadross, I think he doesn't want to talk about feminism with you.

Xenophile · 16/03/2017 19:17

I wonder which bits he means then Albadross?

I can see his point if he's talking about identity politics and all that guff, but there are still real battles to be fought and won for women even in the western world.

Do you think he thinks that women no longer care about women and girls or do you think it's that they don't want to use the word feminist to describe themselves?

Original poster

Albadross · 16/03/2017 19:26

And Mostlybowling I have never been, and never will be a GF - this is not something I have been accused of on MN... you have me confused.

I did go to sleep after posting and then was out at an event all day yesterday so coming back now, and I find it interesting just how a very innocent question can be twisted into something it really wasn't intended to be.

I asked him whether most men he knew cared about feminism. He said no, and that most women he knew didn't seem to either. He actually speaks to people and works with lots of both men and women so I have no reason to think he's just making this up - plus if that's the impression he's getting then it concerns me as someone who does care.

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FlaviaAlbia · 16/03/2017 19:32

How can he tell though? I'll talk about things that come under feminism in a conversation but wouldn't actually say the word feminism generally...

In work, conversations are generally work related and unless something specific comes up - like a colleague being passed over for a work trip abroad because she's a mother or international women's day to think of a couple- then it probably wouldn't come up.

makeourfuture · 16/03/2017 19:40

Feminism is germane to all serious topics: politics, economics, law, sociology, transport, education...

Original poster

Albadross · 16/03/2017 19:49

Xeno I think he means they don't think of themselves as feminists and most of them genuinely believe things are equal enough for whatever reason. Not to say they don't want the vote etc as others are suggesting, just that they (like I did once) don't see the misogyny all around them.

OP posts:

FlaviaAlbia · 16/03/2017 19:51

Was that to me make? I agree but it doesn't come up much when you're talking about software design for financial systems which is my area. My last work wasn't big on the social side of things so we talked about work.

Original poster

Albadross · 16/03/2017 19:53

DJ you might be right about that - it' is all I talk about these days.

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SittingAround1 · 16/03/2017 20:40

I think most care. I'm sure his female colleagues would have something to say if they found out they were getting paid less than their male counterparts.

Original poster

Albadross · 17/03/2017 00:13

Of course they would, but unless they do?

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Original poster

Albadross · 17/03/2017 00:14

*until even

OP posts:

deydododatdodontdeydo · 17/03/2017 06:50

I asked him whether most men he knew cared about feminism. He said no, and that most women he knew didn't seem to either.

To be fair to your DH, you've drip fed a bit here. Now it doesn't sound so much like he's mansplaining and pontificating his wisdom about what women think, but that you asked him a question and he answered it.

OpalIridescence · 17/03/2017 08:46

Unfotunate conversation last night with two very highly privileged women.

They were in total agreement that feminism has 'gone too far' and now women are just 'shooting themselves in the foot'.

Any defence of this stance seemed to vaguely be based around them liking having doors opened for them...

microferret · 17/03/2017 12:30

OP, here are some stats
www.fawcettsociety.org.uk/2016/01/we-are-a-nation-of-hidden-feminists/
It seems that most women really do care about feminism but have been so put off by the label - due undoubtedly to the sustained campaign of hate and misinformation about what it actually means to be a feminist - that they don't identify specifically as one.

I remember in my late teens and early twenties being really against labelling myself as a feminist. I had all sorts of rationalisations in my mind as to why it wasn't necessary. It took a few brave friends who openly called themselves feminists to realise it wasn't a dirty word and to realise that I in fact was also a feminist. And now I'm a full-on radfem and pretty proud of the fact that a lot of men don't like it, when previously I would have been mortified to openly state an opinion which didn't receive the precious seal of male approval.

Women are groomed to seek this approval so they are repelled by a label which is not popular with men. But very few women actually think they should have less rights than men, even if they engage in behaviour which ensures that they do.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 17/03/2017 12:41

Young, otherwise intelligent, women of my acquaintance have mistaken "feminism" for the female equivalent of "chauvinism".

They'll say, "Yes of course I absolutely believe in equality for women. I'm not one of those nasty feminists though".

slug · 17/03/2017 12:59

Ahh.... A clear case of the testicles of objectivity

Original poster

Albadross · 17/03/2017 13:26

Deydo I didn't drip feed, the point wasn;t about him mansplaining, it was about whether we're just an echo chamber when most of the rest of the world doesn't care - the judgement against my DH was just added in by some slightly over-zealous posters

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IAmAmy · 17/03/2017 13:35

I can see why though Albadross. If you read something on a feminist board which simply states a man asserting "most women don't give a shit about this", it would rather suggest that man is being quite patronising and dismissive. If a boy or man I knew told me "most women don't give a shit" about feminism using those words I'd not be too pleased, unless the context was them being frustrated about believing that to be the case.

Original poster

Albadross · 17/03/2017 13:42

IAmAMy fair point, but since people didn't even seem to get that it was about feminism in the first place despite it being on the feminism board, it does bring into question how much of our own context we all bring to any post anyway.

It didn't help that I was extremely sleep deprived when I posted

OP posts:

microferret · 17/03/2017 15:35

Sorry for judging your hubby OP. I was just being silly really. It was a slightly ambiguous first post though, and especially the bit where you said he thought most women wished we'd FTFO didn't make him sound great.

Anyway forget all that. I'm sure your hubby is lovely but I do think he's wrong. Most women care about equality but just don't want to be called feminists because they think that means they're an angry hairy man-hater with a lesbian haircut like me

DJBaggySmalls · 17/03/2017 16:34

The link posted by microferret suggests a different view to your DP; 74% of women and 67% of people overall support equality for women and men.
Tell him if he wants to change the subject he could do that by saying he wants to talk about something else for now. He doesnt have to suggest you are in the minority, like that makes it a bad idea to have that opinion.

MrsCobain · 17/03/2017 20:56

Don't worry, I went on an aibu rant without actually posting what I was fuming about!

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