Please help me to not hate men

[LastGirlOnTheLeft]

I have a wonderful dad and husband. I have sons, and I love them all to pieces. But I do believe that I am starting to hate men. When I read about their abuse of women and children and animals as well, I really feel HATE!!

I don't want to hate them. I don't want to be anything like those god awful woman haters, those soulless losers who obsess over women and who are lost, probably forever. I am NOT like them, because I do feel love and like for the men in my life. Just no other man.

Any advice?

Cannot find the original source but here is a reference to the incident within an Independent article. Link to follow...

"Understandably, this is a sensitive and highly emotive subject, the fallout from which Michele Elliott of Kidscape has witnessed at first hand. In 1992, she held a conference in London while compiling her book on the subject of female sexual abuse. She recalls how 30 women turned up to disrupt her address: "They stood up and started yelling about how terrible it was that I was detracting from the fact that male power was to blame. It is very disappointing when you encounter such extreme and closed-minded reactions. I was simply responding to what victims had told me."

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/taboo-tolerance/female-sexual-abuse-the-untold-story-of-societys-last-taboo-1767688.html

I have a wonderful dad and husband. I have sons, and I love them all to pieces. But I do believe that I am starting to hate men.

That statement is contradictory.

So if you hate men that surely you hate your DH and your DS. After all, they are men.

The OP did explain that she meant all other men.

However, if she has five men that she loves dearly, I don't really understand why she does not assume most men are more like them than the nasty stereotype which only, in reality, applies to a small proportion of men.

The OP did explain that she meant all other men

I know but it still doesn't follow through. Others don't know her family so is she ok with others hating 'her' men.

Women as a class are oppressed by men, as a class. It's not unreasonable to hate and fear your oppressors.

I love my son and my partner and many other men, as individuals. But as a collective class? Nope.

I love my son and my partner and many other men, as individuals. But as a collective class? Nope.

Nobody is saying you should love all men.

To actively hate all men however is ott.

I'm pretty happy for the onus to be on male individuals to prove they don't warrant hatred, at this point.

I love my partner, but I don't think he's exempt from being one of the oppressing class in a patriarchal society. He experiences the world differently to me. He couldn't not. Ditto my dad and brother.

What does not liking men 'as a class' actually mean? If you see a man on the tube, do you dislike him by default and then he has to prove himself worthy of approval? Or are you neutral towards him?

I certainly mistrust him by default.

If I see a man on the train I don't know I feel indifferent - he's an individual.

What does not liking men 'as a class' actually mean? If you see a man on the tube, do you dislike him by default and then he has to prove himself worthy of approval? Or are you neutral towards him?

The OP isn't talking about 'just' disliking though, it's actively hating.

I actively hate the patriarchy, and by default I'm afraid that includes men.

Neutrality by default assumes starting with a level playing field that simply doesn't exist.

Quite, rainbow

Women and men are equally capable of being unkind human beings, they just do it slightly differently imo and ime. The results are the same. I feel like in the general human population a good 5-10% are quite antisocial. Testosterone may play a part in this, but actually I think it's to do with how the brain is wired in these individuals. This smallish percentage cause lots of problems for everyone they come into contact with, to varying degrees. No one gets away from them untainted.

msanonymouse that was 25 years ago! Not a few years ago. 25 years ago we barely recognised grooming. 25 years ago many victims of paedophiles were disbelieved and told they were fantasists.
It's hardly indicative of these hordes of feminists that your original post suggested

"They stood up and started yelling about how terrible it was that I was detracting from the fact that male power was to blame."

British Crime Survey and police crime figures from 2009-10 show men were perpetrators in:

98% of sexual offences
99% of child rape

So the women who spoke up were correct.

Its not men its toxic masculinity that is sadly forced upon some men. Dont hate those men feel sorry for them because the majority of those types of men will never be really happy or at peace.
Its not even all aspects of masculinity just a certain concept of it. You know these men are sad and confused and angry and most of all very very alone because they cant connect with women properly or even other men for that matter. They also hate themselves because they hate femininity so cannot tolerate it in themselves or other men... but of course everyone is both feminine and masculine in varying degrees and so they will constantly be at war with themselves.

The results aren't the same. And quantitative data can't be determined by feelings. What do you actually mean by quite antisocial?

toptoe- Women and men are equally capable of being unkind human beings

Except they are not. 95% of individuals incarcerated for violent crimes are men.

I wish I was amazed at the horror shown towards the idea that, in the context of the widespread sexual, financial and labour exploitation of women by men, some women feel a bit miffed about men in general. It demonstrates the widespread acceptance of mens use of women for their own ends and how embedded it is.

Its not men its toxic masculinity that is sadly forced upon some men. Dont hate those men feel sorry for them because the majority of those types of men will never be really happy or at peace.
Its not even all aspects of masculinity just a certain concept of it. You know these men are sad and confused and angry and most of all very very alone because they cant connect with women properly or even other men for that matter. They also hate themselves because they hate femininity so cannot tolerate it in themselves or other men... but of course everyone is both feminine and masculine in varying degrees and so they will constantly be at war with themselves.

Aye, poor fellas

What do you mean by masculinity and femininity?

It demonstrates the widespread acceptance of mens use of women for their own ends and how embedded it is.

Yup.

I wait dutifully for the "see this is why more women aren't feminists!!" comments.

In fact it looks as though Ms Elliott was publicising a book in 2009, she certainly doesn't appear to be vocal on the topic of female abusers recently but the "feminists at a conference" has become a bit of an MRA trope.
It's odd that when someone posts about men being violent/rapists the answer is always "but women do it too!" Without much supporting evidence at all