This might be long and I apologise.
I used to read these forums a few years ago and think the feminists were overreacting. I used to think porn was harmless and something most men do, and some women. That the actors were paid good money and that it's probably empowered the women.
I took a look at a few sites to see if the mainstream stuff is as bad as the feminists here say it is, and I was horrified. Women being spat on, women being slapped, women having their genitals slapped, women being made to gag during oral, women having cocks roughly shoved up their anus. All this is on the front page and what constitutes as normal and mainstream.
Yes there's some "ethical" porn, but that's usually behind a price tag and has to be saught out. Our ten year old sons are not accessing that stuff, they are accessing the violent and misoginistic stuff.
I first had to discuss porn with dd when she was about 7 years old, one of the kids in her class had seen a very violent porn clip and dd had heard him telling his mates about it. The boys parents laughed it off, boys will be boys, he's a hot blooded male with Dad even saying "that's my boy".
I reported it to the school, I felt bad doing it as the Mum was one of my close friends at the time but if she was sticking her head in the sand and even saying there's nothing wrong with it as all boys and men will watch it. Mum tried to tackle it a little a few years later, not because they were worried about their son but because their son had stolen their credit card and used it on web cam sites when he was about 9. Again, it wasn't her son to blame, the Internet company should have known that it was a child's device and blocked it, the bank shouldn't have let card be used on sites like that as they should know it was unusual transaction, every excuse under the sun to prevent her son taking any responsibilty. No gadgets were removed, Internet was left unsupervised etc.
There been instances of the boy trying to yank girls trousers down from 8 year old onwards, he tried it with my dd during an after school club, he'd also hit her if she was winning him, and I played merry hell, school had serious talks with him, but his parents didn't back it up at home and were cross that their DS was being bullied by the school for totally normal behaviour.
I told Mum it was me who reported it, she was angry I didn't speak to her first but I know she'd have told dd she was being silly, that it's normal and i told her it's not normal for 8 year old girls to have to worry about their trousers and underwear yanked down at school.
The boy is 12 now and really struggles to maintain friendships, girls avoid him, which his Mum is annoyed about, as his peers have "girlfriends" but her son doesn't have one because girls are bitches and only pick good looking boys.
Dd started secondary school and dd hates using the school bus because everyday there's boys watching porn at the back and if she has to sit near the back she has to hear it, she's a confident and opinionated young girl but she says she feels intimidated and not confident enough to stand up to 9 or 10 boys aging from 11 to 16. The language the Y7s use about girls is also disgusting.
Dd will not pick anything up if she drops it on the floor because some of the boys will run up and simulate doggy sex, or make comments about the girl wanting one up the arse. School do take it seriously and some y7s have been expelled, they have a full morning or full afternoon where they have pastoral time and it's being spoken about then, but its angered a lot of parents of the boys that the girls complaints of having hips grabbed from behind and grinded on is being taken seriously. Girls just need to learn to take a joke. A boys education could be ruined because of girls reporting trivial things.
I can't my head around it and it makes me angry. I'm really thankful to Mumsnet and the feminists who have been discussing this because it's helped me talk to dd about this stuff before it happens. I think boys need to spoken to about it before they get to the age of being shown it/ watching it too. By parents as well as schools. Its really not enough to just hope they won't look at it.
I'm going to sound like a cunt now, but while I feel bad that these boys may grow up to have erectile function problems, or trouble having an actual relationship with females. I'm going to put all my resources into helping dd be confident in saying no to whatever she feels like re sex, and that when someone says "most men do it" or "what's wrong with you it's normal" to try and get her to do something she's not comfortable with to run for the hills. If boys and men think erectile dis function is caused by porn then boys and men need to start suggesting actions that will work, start campaigning for funds etc. It's not women's job to do it on their behalf, especially when they are told most men do it.
I guess a big part women can play in changing attitudes is speaking to their sons about porn, but from my experience many won't because they have dps or dhs who use porn themselves or because they think all men watch it etc.
Also the nudes in the workplace, my dh works in construction, and despite being an all male environment there's never been anyone even wanting naked calendars or posters or whatever. Dh def would speak up, he's done it in the pub when conversations have gone dodgy. He's seen porn when he was younger but doesn't watch it, he's as horrified by the whole thing as much as I am and also speaks to dd about this stuff.