Pub dinner turned sour!

[honkawonka]

Just at a pub having some dinner with my boyfriend (child free eating time = bliss!) and the couple (50's) opposite us have just ordered a bottle of wine(or more specifically the woman has). The waiter brings over the bottle and pours a tasting glass for the man, asking him if it's ok to pour out and then pours his first then his wife's ! This smacks of blatant sexism to me that the man is the one who must make decisions etc.
On another note , finding the waiter is directing all decisions over menu etc to my bf too probably bu but never mind , HANGRY!

[JenLindleyShitMom] I suppose I was making an assumption just like you were assuming she was being rude.

As it goes I'm not far past the legal age either but declined alcohol on the basis that I was driving , so happily we didn't have a tasting incident on our table otherwise I could've put my feminist views into action!

I don't live in the U.K., here it would be terrible manners to have the lady taste it, this is in case it is off and tastes bad. That said the waiter would always fill the ladies glass first.

I don't see why if it's off it would be any worse a woman finding out than a man. Whoever ordered it should have to determine it if tasting is necessary.

From Debrett's "A wine glass should be only one third full. It is better to underfill, rather than overfill, a glass. "

I think we can all agree that etiquette is a pile of wank. Underfill a glass, my arse!

OP you seem to have some very odd notions about what you presumably think of as "older people"

Do you think women over 50 are happy to sit there being little ladies who don't taste wine or pay bills apart from a few forward thinking young types?

Surely unless the wine spills out of a glass and goes to waste it is impossible to "overfill" a glass.

I'm talking 80's plus here Lass, with only a few examples even - sure it's very much not the done thing. All ages are welcome !!

You said the couple in the pub were 50s - what relevance did their being in their 50s have?

I think we've already covered this up thread Lass .. I dare say if it was a couple in their late 80's then this would be perfectly normal to them and not be questioned.

It would irritate me if a waiter poured wine for my companion to taste...especially if it's my damn wine

Also...who tastes wine?! Surely you pour, and drink?

I was a waitress and we never offered a taste of wine, we just poured it to whoever had ordered, or simple took the top off and put it in the center of the table for whoever wanted it

Amy - you gotta be able to get your mouth to the glass without spillage, although leaning down to slurp is prob. OK if the wait staff are yelling across the pub to each other!

On the subject of wine glasses actually I saw a JosephJoseph advert for a wine glass brush today , I got quite excited sad

KickAss good point - I have a lot to learn about drinking but am willing to put in the hours to educate myself I'm also totally ok with leaning down and slurping. Mmm wine.

That is the way most waiting staff have been trained and is the 'classic' way of service however the woman always gets served first in terms of ordering and receiving food. Whilst not totally modern it's not something I would look to much into personally but then I work within hospitality. Nowadays though most people ask 'would anyone like to try the wine'

I'm pondering what a wine glass brush actually does. Off to google.

When I first started going to restaurants I had no idea why they asked if I wanted to taste the wine and I used to say yes every time and try it and say "yes it's really good" even though I didn't actually like the taste of wine, I just thought it was what you were supposed to drink with dinner.

Sorry that's not really the point of this thread.

I have noticed in many places that the bill is placed on dp's side of the table more often than mine, and the card machine is usually handed to him regardless of who has their card out. I tend to make a point of paying in these cases because it winds me up.

I would never eat in a place that the steak was so tough it needed a special knife.

OP

3 points on this subject:

1. Why read into a random wine sampling in a random pub? Staff aren't trained to particularly high standards, and there may be a million reasons as to why the guy tasted.

1. How much fun were you and your OH having while sat there watching another couple getting served their wine?

1. If this kind of incident turns your visit to the pub 'sour', then I suggest you may have just ruined a perfectly nice experience for no reason.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, our Anita isn't correct when she says 'everything is sexist, everything is racist, everything is homophobic and you have to point it all out to everyone all the time'

Try enjoying your meal next time, and if real sexism does occur, then you have the duty to stand up and say no.

I like wine. I know about wine. When out with my partner I order the wine, taking into account our likes and dislikes and what we are ordering (as well as the price). I refuse to drink bad wine. I can tell the difference between wine that is corked, past its optimum drinking date, has been oxidised etc. and that which is simply a bit tight on tannins or needs decanting to bring out its best, etc.

Thus, it pisses me off no end when I do this and the waiter asks my partner to inspect the bottle (correct wine and ullage) and the cork and taste the wine (which is the appropriate protocol). He is actually terrified of having to make the decision, so we have a deal that I go to the ladies before we order or after the wine arrives, but never after I have ordered the wine and before it arrives. When asked to taste he simply says 'I defer to my partner's better knowledge of wine' - and motions in my direction. Then, when I say it is OK, he says 'and now you're supposed to fill my glass first :)'.

I have only sent wine back once and they were awfully snooty about it. There have been other times when the bottle has started on a good note and then 'gone flat' on taste before the end of the meal. There have been times, particularly in Indian restaurants, where I've looked at the menu and said 'ugh - I think it's Kingfisher tonight!'. I also don't bother tasting a lot of 'drink now' wines in screwcaps because the chances of anything being wrong are awfully slim (but I do make sure they have the correct bottle).

But on the subject of this thread - yes it is sexist. It is based on a whole heap of gendered assumptions. Yes, it does annoy me. And don't get me started on giving him the bill. We divide it up strictly according to what we ate and we each pay our bit. Again, there are gendered assumptions there that really, really annoy me. Plus, mine is always cheaper!

Yes, it's a little thing, but it is in the order of everyday sexism and it all adds up, as well as in micro ways reinforces gender roles and gendered assumptions.

PS - OP - I'm in the ballpark of 50 btw :) - blame my second wave feminism.