A Woman's Hair is her Crown

[Buddfox121]

I am a black father of twins. One Boy and a Girl aged 6. Prior to my children being born, I always thought that women spend an extraordinary amount of money on their hair. Especially, African and Afro-Caribbean women.

My wife when she want's a retouch is paying around £30.00 and if she wants weaves etc around £80-120 a pop! When I want a hair cut I pay £8.00 plus £1-2 tip and I am done for the month.

I don't want my Daughter being paranoid about her hair. Spending unnecessary money and time. As long as it's washed and combed . Most Men don't even pay that much attention to a woman's hair as long as it's washed and combed.

Now, my wife is always fussing that my Son's hair needs cutting and I am happy to take him to the barbers or cut it myself. However, whenever I suggest that I cut my daughters hair to a Number 1 like her brother, she protests and intervenes. I think it would be good for her to have short hair at least till she is in her teens. Saves time too.

It gets on my nerves that my wife won't allow me to cut my daughters hair, even though she herself actually want's to ( likes to copy her Brother). I think it's a great idea for her to grow up not worrying that her hair is not braided or straightened or weaved etc. A nice simple 0.5 or No 1 should and can do.

So I would welcome your feedback on the matter, should girls be made to fuss over their Hair, when there are other more important things to be concerned about in Childhood?

She has told him that she wants the same hair cut as her brother - but is she telling him that because it is what she actually wants, or because she is scared of the OP, and is saying what she thinks he wants to hear, whatthe - that's my worry. And it is backed up, for me, by the fact that he's never said that she tells her mum, away from her dad's influence/presence, that she wants a short 'do.

I am pretty sure that the OP would not have left out a fact that backs him up so strongly, and that makes me suspect that his dd hasn't said this to his wife.

Or because she sees how much more value she would be given if she were male so she wants to adopt male behaviors to be accepted by her father.

In many African countries girls have to have their haircut short the same as Boys as apart of their Uniform until they reach college. The idea being the focus should be on school work not Hair and make up this is true. I hated it then but thinking about now it was the best freedom you can give a black female child. You stood under the shower, swimming, went to bed without a head rap. Absolutely, no patting (for anyone who understood what meant), No chemicals, less grease. Not forgetting combing and the painfulness of the scalp after braiding from whatever style. Then you might need paracetamol because you can't sleep on the first day. The rash you get because the baby hair has been pulled to death. This is without the hot combs etc.

Op, the style you have suggested won't work in the winter. If your wife loves hair, their is nothing you are going to do to change her mind. There is the obsession people get when growing an Afro hair. The aim is to make it as long as possible. There is this obsession that makes you think it will one day be very very long. Your daughter will have to be older, when she can style her own hair in order to do the style. Probably by then, she will prefer weaves by then. (With your regards to your comment, you will cry when she discovers Brazilian age 14) your comments shows you know very little about the prices of black hair or your wife has salons that are very cheap.

I can see that you came across as someone who is a bit tight with money. Personally, I don't think you should use money as reason for wanting your Dd to have short hair. You, also, came a cross as controlling and trying to assert your dominance by using female empowerment as reason.

For the poster who thought the longer the hair the easier it is manage, it's not always the case. It depends on what sort of hair the black Person has. Whether it's been treated or not. How much management goes into it in the morning.

Op, your Dd will be alright with short hair. Your biggest problem will be with black women. They are the worst when it comes to passing judgment on black women's and girls hair. If you have, aunts and relatives, it's the first thing they will comment on. Your daughter, will pick up on that. She will question and doubt her self. I don't know how you are going to handle it. I would be surprised if you have lots of black women around you and no one passed a comment.
The country you come from, if from Africa will help a lot too. The people I have seen to be comfortable in general with their natural hair has been South Africans. I see them with more shorter hair. Not bald, though, in Africa most women don't even cut the style you suggested.

Let's us know you if do go a head with it and the reactions. Am always, amazed by the self hate people have and then projecting it on to other people's children. Especially the really out spoken aunties who rule the roost.

I would love to have short hair again but I don't have the courage to do it. Life long goal is to have short hair one day and have my freedom. It's not you to impose that onto your child.

What would you think if your wife got a buzz cut, OP?

Why do you resent your wife spending time and money on something she's enjoys?

No, I don't think you should shave your daughters head to a number 1. Most schools don't even allow a number 1 cut.

Why can't you daughter let her hair grow without spending £££ and time on it? What's wrong with her natural hair? Absolutely nothing I imagine.

I can't really understand why you're so over invested in your wife and daughters hair that you feel the need to post on a forum.

Your wife can do what she likes with her hair and your dds hair is a non issue. I wouldn't shave a child's hair off boy or girl.

OP I also had b/g twins and the girl demanded a short hair cut at that age. I was giving her brother a number two, and gave her a number 7.
Some people at school were really quite nasty about it, (boys) and that was the end of her short hair phase.
Let your wife fuss over her hair, junior school life is hard enough as it is.

I haven't RTFT so may have been said already, but have you seen Chris Rocks film on this matter - Good Hair?
Movie night for you and your wife...

Oh dear,

I never really realized how many disturbing people are out there!

There is more baggage here then in Waterloo Stations lost property department.

Serious people get a grip

Yes, that's right, women taking the time to write considered and intelligent posts are baggage when you don't agree with them.

Misogyny 101

Just a minute...you think we've got baggage? 😳

Oh dear.

How about you get a grip my dear and treat your daughter like a girl

" Serious people get a grip "

you get a grip you nasty tight fisted little man and let your daughter look like a girl.

You get a grip.

It's quite obvious you've posted this in feminism to create a stir. It's always a hot topic whether long hair is a feminist issue.

"...There is more baggage here then in Waterloo Stations lost property department..."

Yes, Buddfox, I have baggage. I am not ashamed of that fact. I don't understand why you think it is a bad thing that I have been through difficulties in my life, and have survived. I don't see 'having baggage' as a mark of shame - as YOU clearly do.

But since you do see 'having baggage' as something shameful - I am at a loss to understand why you seem to want to ensure that your daughter grows up with emotional baggage about her appearance.

Your response to us on this thread has been angry and nasty - we didn't say what you wanted us to say, so you have resorted to insults, and are clearly very angry with us. If you show this anger in real life, when your family disagree with you, then I am not surprised that your dd tells you what she thinks you want to hear, about her choice of hairstyle - she doesn't want that anger turned on her.

I'm quite pleased you find us "disturbing". So you should- we are challenging your misogynistic and dictatorial attitude.

I expect however you meant we are "disturbed" .

Sometimes, no matter how hard someone tries to come across as reasonable and how carefully they choose their words, they just can't hide their hatred of women.