Likened to a prostitute for being a wife?!

[Amaia10]

This is what a female "friend' said to me today - that the fact that I don't work and depend on my husband for income means that I am totally at his disposal and basically a kind of prostitute!

Ok she's only one person and obviously very proud of the fact she works in insurance and pays for an after school childminder, but I do find its other women who are the most judgemental about SAHMs, housewives, homemakers - don't even know what to call myself!

We have 3 children and I have been "at home" for 12 years or so since my eldest was born. I'll be quite honest that when we got married DH told me that he wanted me to be at home for our kids, rather than a childcare situation and because he needed to focus in his career. I had recently completed an MA, but was working as a dancer when I met DH (ballet, not lap dancing I should say)! Then I found myself in a situation where his income meant that I didn't need to work. I love being around for the kids and it just works for us. DH respects what I do, all the more so because he was packed off to some hideous boarding school at the age of 7 and followed his father and brothers into the military because that's just what they did in his family. So he had never really had a home life until he left the marines after we got married.

But does the fact that I was also happy to be around for the kids mean that I should have no self-respect or can't be considered a feminist because I don't earn my own money?

You might well expect it but the amount of maintenance you would receive is unlikely to be anything near what it actually costs to support your dc or what you curremtly spend. And so many men just weasel out of paying anything at all.

In practical terms it is unrealistic for divorced couples to always share care 50/50 and mostly it is in the dc's best interests to have what they have always had. But this massively disadvantages single mothers, who end up doing most of the work with little physical or finsncial support.
I do not believe there is sufficient recognition when financial settlements are agreed by the courts, that sah for a number of years advantages men (usually) and costs women ( even when they want to do it). There seem to be this idea that the eoman can just return to work and pick up where she left off or that sah is a doss that the poor hard done by fella has had to finance with no benefit to himself

Op,you are at the spirally acceptable end of the women's work spectrum and prostitutes are at the socially unacceptable end.

Socially acceptable plus she might be envious?

Op - I don't agree eith the prostitute thing at all, but I'm a bit about your DH - sounds like he has a few (chauvanist) issues. Often workaholic types are the way they are for a reason. If they stop they have to reflect on themselves or their past. Don't know what he did in the Afghan war? If he's got issues relating to his mother not being around, then that's one thing, but he shouldn't expect you to fill that gap.

Amarmai - I suspect that these days I'm all over the place on the social acceptability spectrum, but thanks anyway!

Lol teacher - I think all I can say is that I would certainly not be in a marriage where I didn't feel valued or where the respect didn't work both ways. Every relationship has its own dynamic. DH understands what motivates me in life and vice versa. He does work hard and he knows this, but he is not disengaged from me or the kids. He still plans date nights for us and never takes me for granted. Wherever possible he will take the kids on "survival training" (because he thinks London kids are clueless) to the middle of the Highlands or somewhere with no tent and they have to fish for food (confused). We all have our issues, but life's too short as they say!