Recovery from sexual harassment in work

[DailyFailAteMyFish]

Hi,
Anyone have any books/websites I could read to help recovery from an incident of sexual harassment in work? It was a bit unsavory and has knocked my confidence a bit. I work in a male dominated industry and was on a promotion track. I am so angry with this guy and so angry with myself that a few comments and can have such an impact.

Hi Buffy!
Thanks for asking!
Biggest problem is that the guy is still there. It seems they can't find a place for him elsewhere in the company (or they haven't been trying too hard) so even though he doesn't speak to me, he still emails and I am still checking his work. My manager is copied on all the exchanges.
I raised it yesterday as I thought it was getting ridiculous.
I also heard that the guy has a known issue with alcohol and is a violent drunk. A colleague told me some personal things about the guy and it appears he has been low level unpleasant to women in the company but never reported.
It was funny how after I told my story so many other stories started to leak out. It went from being 'oh, so and so is very good at that technical thing' to 'ah, I'm not surprised he used to watch me like a dirty old man'.
It also looks like management in my area have all been told. Eugh.

Still, I am trying to turn the anger and frustration into something positive. I'm going to start driving lessons. I'm halfway through week 2 of the couch to 5k. I'm hoping to start jujitsu next week. I have put away my book on learning how to harness the powers of introversion and have bought 'you are a badass'.

Oh and so much for the support of my HR department who were supposed to send on the results of the grievance last week and who have not.

I just wanted to say well done on being the person who actually did something about his behaviour. I had an issue with harassment at work late last year, and although I reported it to HR, I didn't push it further. Perhaps I should have done.

Thanks Buffy, I'm looking forward to him being moved and then I'll have the space to breathe.
What got me in the week was a friend saying to me 'so basically all the upper management have read this guy's comments about your arse'. Yes, yes they have.
I'm not sure what the alternative is and I'm trying to open about it, because otherwise he wins.

Hi Oubliette,
Thanks! Well done on reporting to HR. You were very brave to go through with it. It's not an easy thing to do. It will help if he steps out of line or someone else comes forwards. There has to be a trail because if people don't speak up, then it looks like the bad behaviour is tolerated and acceptable.

Bloody hell DailyFail, you are admirable.

You've taken on his behaviour when previous people in your position have looked the other way. If they were unaware of his behaviour then they should have been aware of it. This is a management failure whatever way you look at it.

Your company has forced you to deal with something that should never have occurred in the workplace. That is their responsibility and they should acknowledge that.

Make sure you raise how well you have dealt with it at your next appraisal under Achievements and how you expect to be acknowledged and rewarded for it. I am serious. You have gone beyond what is expected of you and you have shown how well you can deal with difficult situations even when they are personally very upsetting.

If you want to move more into management, then this horrible incident could actually be of help to you in terms of promotion.

If you want to move more into management, then this horrible incident could actually be of help to you in terms of promotion.

Experiences like this always increase your knowledge of HR policies, legal context and how to/not to handle it if you come across a case as a line manager in your own career. It is clear you would be more proactive in dealing with it if you were supporting a colleague through it.

Is there any way you can set out what you think they should be doing & your concerns? (And get it in writing so you have a paper trail.) It strikes me they aren't trying all that hard - or so it seems - and you may need to escalate this a later point. Setting out your concerns now will strengthen your case later on if they've been feeble in sorting it out.

And a sincere, supportive pat on the back for tackling this. Well done!

Thanks all of you for finding a positive way to pitch this experience. If I do go into management I will be more aware of the processes and also the support that people need. I was basically a wreck for the time the process took. I will aim to remember the stress, the anger and the shame and turn them into something beneficial.
I've been so fortunate to find such sensible support here and my husband has been brilliant.

I'm also telling my female colleages. The reason why the guy was not sacked was because there were no other reported incidents and yet once I scratched the surface all these little tiny incidents rose up.

In terms of what I expect to happen next, I think I should have got something formal that outlined the results of the disciplinary, but it hasn't come through. I've already been told informally by my manager what the results were but the timeline is not fixed. If they don't move on this by mid next week then you're right. I should set out my concerns in writing and ensure that there is a paper trail in place.
Thanks again everyone for taking an interest.

Oh and so much for the support of my HR department

Someone once told me that "what you have to remember is that HR are on the side of the organisation".

This way of thinking about HR does help me to manage my expectations of them.

As Buffy said, look after yourself . What you are doing is courageous, and you are wise to retain a paper trail.

I hope they follow through with moving him, quickly- you shouldn't have to continue to work with him.

Thanks!
Hoping this will all be done and dusted this week.

Well he was still there yesterday.
I wonder in this situation whose rights trump whose? Mine not to have a hostile workplace or his to have a job?
If they can't find another role for him do his rights mean he can just stay on where he is?
I suspect I'm over thinking, I just need to be patient.

Wait until Thursday and then raise it again with your manager under the "It's been X weeks since the incident happened and 2 weeks already since you informed me that colleague will be moved. This has not yet happened and clearly this resolution should be acted upon quickly in the interests of the company" type of thing.

Make sure you put your questions in writing. If they are feeble in their response then there are a few options that you could consider.

• If they can't find a job for him then they could put him on garden leave until such time as they can.

• Alternatively you could suggest that you work from home until such time as he has been transferred.

• You consult with a solicitor regarding your employment rights.

I am appalled but not surprised that he's still there.

Of course your right to not have to work with someone who has been found guilty of sexually harassing you trumps his. Get writing your draft, I have a feeling you will have to write that letter, though I would hope you wouldn't have to.

Are you in the same building? Is he still emailing you directly? It's not right, not fair on you.

Thanks so much everyone.
So I feel I'm actually doing something I have drafted an email that outlines the date of the incident, my complaint and the disciplinary and advised I don't believe this is healthy for either of us. I put in stuff about the team and how I've repeatedly said the relationship has broken down.
So I'll send this on Thursday when it has been 2 weeks and see where it gets me.

Spoke to my manager informally and they are still working on a plan to move the guy. He is also bugging HR to get him moved and said he would raise it again.

It might be in the company's best interests to put him on garden leave while they look to transfer him. If things don't move quickly from today, then you could suggest that.

He may very well use that time to get another job outside the company. If I had a written warning for sexual harassment then I would want to get out before I was chucked out.

And of course the company would be better off without him.

Daily and Buffy, you guys rock! I have no practical advice, and you really don't want me to hijack the fred with my own story.

And well done with the telling of the women. If more of us did that, there would be fewer problems.

Aww thanks, the support here has been brilliant.
I really don't think they would put him on gardening leave. They only really do that for senior management where I work and we're lowly. I appreciate the suggestion though!
I'll see what tomorrow brings and if not then the carefully prepared, paper trail making email gets sent tomorrow.
Fingers crossed!

Paper trail email has gone out, flurry of activity and there will be a meeting tomorrow with my managers. I don't think it's my managers who are the problem here though. It's the department that needs to find the guy a new role.

Grrr! And if any of these previous victims had just piped up when it was "their turn", he'd be gone by now. Grrr.

Oh I don't blame anyone for not coming forwards. This isn't a great experience, but it's valuable.

Well, it looks like he should be gone by day next week at the latest. They have secured a new role they think and I have got it confirmed that I no longer assign him work or deal with him.
One manager has asked me to come up with a cover story so it looks like an re-shuffle. The mind boggles.