Tell me lovely things about having a baby girl

[OTheHugeManatee]

I feel quite ashamed to admit this. I'm 20wks with my first child and we found out at the scan she's a little girl. Though of course I'm overjoyed that I seem to be growing a healthy baby, my second thought was 'bad luck little one, this is becoming an increasingly shit world in which to be born female'.

I think about the plastic tits, the objectification, the erosion of women-only spaces and the vanishing right to define ourselves by biology rather than ladybrain, the porn, the death of feminism, the pay gap, the Cologne attacks, the myriad ways in which women's rights are being set back and back and back and I think 'how am I going to protect my little girl against all this?'

So, feminist mothers of daughters, please cheer me up with the positives. Tell me how it's going to be brilliant, and please tell me your strategies for raising strong, confident girls in the teeth of all the bullshit.

(Goes without saying "littlies" applies to babies of both genders! I am not infantalising baby girls... especially as that would be impossible as they're already infants).

MrsTerryPratchett Oh My Little Pony. I'm so glad it's back AND MATRIARCHAL.

But they should bring back SHE RA, just because.

...My mum wouldn't let me have a Girl's World - she said because of feminism. Turned out it was because she found them incredibly creepy! It's a disembodied head ffs. Saw right through it as she bought me a ballet Sindy instead, so duh.

wah drip drip drip feed sorry... IMO making a new female and protecting her rights as a human is a feminist act. I mean we take that for granted, but lots of girls don't have that advantage.

Back pats all round

Cadno: just on a point of scientific interest. There is accumulating evidence (though not yet definitive) that paternal mitochondria can be passed on through 'leakage'. The research on this is quite interesting.

When we're all retired and sitting at home waiting for a call from the kids, that call is likely to come more often if you have a girl.

Well ... My DH calls his mum at least once a week for an hour's chat, but I'd never call mine because we don't have a great relationship. I reckon it's partly about how you train kids and also about the quality of your relationships with them, more than which gender they are.

OP, I get why you'd worry .. But there are just so many things you could panic about when having a baby. Wars, diseases, poverty, food shortages, power shortages, tsunamis, global warming, solar flares destroying all electricity, you dying and leaving them early on - on and on, you name it you could worry about it. I sometimes wonder if we should even be trying to have a child ourselves given what a doom and gloom outlook there can be.

But every generation has had those terrors, every generation has known their children were born into a world which prescribed them certain roles in society, and every generation watched as those roles changed beyond belief. All you can ever do is raise your child with love, and help equip them with the skills and self-confidence to know who they are and be kind to others too.

And yes, women (and other marginalised groups) still have big problems - but if you look at the last 50 years we've come further than ever before. This may well be a time of some complacency before another social movement starts pushing forward, but it doesn't mean we're backtracking to the stone ages.

When we're all retired and sitting at home waiting for a call from the kids, that call is likely to come more often if you have a girl

Bit of a sweeping generalisation.

And would it not be a failure of your own parenting if your daughters are brought up to think they have ongoing caring responsibility but your sons haven't?

DD is a stroppy feisty 2yo who plays dollies and football pretty much equally, often with her big brother.

When I found out she was a girl at 20 weeks I was terrified, as I didn't know how on earth I was going to spare her all the crap I dealt with while growing up.

But it's working out OK so far

I have two daughters and a son, my eldest who is ten loves:

Science
Maths
Drawing
Paperchase
Football
Sewing
Baking
Reading
Swimming
Is in a girls school that has the strap line ... Inspiring young women... They believe in girls valuing who they are and not conforming to stereotypes
Loves puppies
Wears tomboyish clothes but is desperate for a bra
Believes she can be whatever she wants to be

I love having girls. I have 2dds, dd1 is 16 and blossoming into a capable adult, she's about to do her GCSEs where she should do very well, and is planning a career as a particle physicist. She's been through the pink fluffy princess stage and came out the other side even more interested in science, maths and music. She wears dresses, skirts and jeans, whichever she prefers that day, and wears make up whenever she can be bothered (when she's got spots). Shes quiet and introverted, but has a good group of friends. She knows who she is and is confident that she'll get where she wants to go, I have no reason to doubt her (other than her massive shyness, but dh is just as shy so it's genetic rather than because she's a girl)

Dd2 is 6. She's in the middle of the my little pony phase, which is fab the first time of watching them because the little ponies take on anything and win. She's currently got dinosaurs eating the little ponies, so has eclectic taste in toys and a vivid imagination. She is the fastest scooter in her class ( the teacher timed them for a challenge a couple of weeks ago), and a super fast runner too. She's a sensitive soul, and I worry about peer pressure , but I've seen a stubborn streak recently when she's been playing with her friends so I'm feeling happier that she won't always be such a pushover.

I also teach teenagers, and while there are challenges, I think the girls are better at spotting sexism and calling it out than we were when I was at school.

I think girls are amazing- you'll have lots of fun and love with your DD, look forward to it!

Congratulations OTheHugeManatee

Having one of each, I have to say the main advantage of the girl has been the lack of plumbing to spray my face during nappy change

Otherwise, a child grows up as you raise her, according to what she sees around her. DD doesn't care about what she wears, reads encyclopedias and wants to be a physicist. I have never limited her actions or prospects because of her sex and she has developed accordingly, bright and free.

Now that she is nearly as tall as me despite not yet a teenager, I expect her to start getting unwelcome, confusing, and even scary attention from men like we all did, but there isn't much I can do to protect her from it. She will have to grow her inner (and outer) defenses accordingly, like we all did.

Congrats manatee!

Loads of cool thing about having a little girl. Not least the living disconfirmation of all the stuff about how little girls are one way and boys are another.

I love seeing her race around in clothes that are built for moving, not for being looked at. I love watching her fascination with ants and beetles in the garden. I love seeing her draw, play with dolls, push her trains and trucks around, copy me doing my makeup. I love seeing her turn into a person.

I love getting the chance to be the mum I want to be. A parent who is at least conscious of stereotypes and excited about raising a strong and brave girl.

Hopefully later I'll see her turn into a person with healthy relationships and a sense of her own worth, so the world's sexism can roll right off her back.

You'll love it too.

Just don't end up forcing her to act like a boy in an attempt to not be a stereotypical girl, if she likes girly things then let her. You should have a child because it's what you want and you want someone to love and raise etc we all worry about our children's future but seriously to think you'd rather not be pregnant with a girl because of fake tits is a it pathetic sounding if I'm honest. Just raise your kid and let them do what they want even if it's the most girly thing in the world a bit of dress up and play make up will not equal fake tits smh.

How's it going Manatee?

I've been thinking about you today not stalkery and just wanted to wish you well.

Girls are fabulous, you were one, and you're brilliant

And borrowed in the nicest possible way... don't join a forum and then spend your first day slagging people off, it tends to rub people up the wrong way.

Been reading this thread with interest as I have a ds but am currently 28 weeks pregnant with a girl.

Fair enough, I can respect that. Although I was just giving my opinion.

Congrats Manatee!

My DD is a total badass, I have to say. She will not be hurried, she will not be bossed, she will not be pushed or coerced. She takes not the slightest ounce of shit from anyone. She loves animals and tolerates some people. She does what she will do and damn the consequences.

Raising her is exhausting, but my girl's going to rattle the stars someday. Just you watch.

There's a wonder in having a girl. DS is my beloved boy and dd is too and there's a difference: looking at her and seeing my own physicality in her, knowing that she will feel what I have felt is an astonishing thing. I will never make her relive my life god forbid but knowing she will be a strong amazing woman is pretty special.

Haha, yes you're all right that it is a failure if your sons are not as close to you as your daughters. I just guess I feel this way becaus that's what I see around me, that many men call their mums less than worms call theirs. Perhaps because of gender stereotypes. But maybe it's just the people I know.

My girls are what they are. I've influenced them in a way that only I can. The wider world is a juggernaut and I can't stop its influence. I imagine they'll go through that insecure phase as teens and do whatever they will to fit in. I hope they'll come out the other side with confidence in who they are and what they can do and who they'll take shit from and who they wont.

I have a son too. My last and 'bonus' baby. He is sensitive and kind, just like his oldest sister. But I can think of a few things that are/will be very different with my daughters.

I can't raise them in a vacuum. If my son never calls me and my daughters end up stepford wives, it won't be for the want of trying on my part.

Rather than grieve for your DD that she's entering a foul sexist world (which I totally agree with & funnily enough felt the same at my 20 wk scan) take joy in the fact YOU have an amazing chance to change the world as does your DD. my DD is 10 months & we are raising a fierce little fire cracker whom will fight on for the cause and won't allow herself to be treated differently because she has a vagina. We are strong women raising the next generation. Let's make it count! ✌🏼️💕

Dd is 5. She had two (girl) friends over today. They converted our new 9 ft slide into a water slide by running the hose down it and laying out the plastic wrap it came with at the bottom. They all slid about ten feet when they hit the end. They found it absolutely hysterical if they could make it all the way to the paddling pool.

The one who was in A and E with a cut head earlier in the week wore a swimming cap so that she didn't get the glue stitches wet (safety first).

Every so often one of them would slide right off the end of the plastic and through the pool and burn their bottom on the astroturf with the friction. Did I mention they were naked?

Girls are fucking great. Congratulations

Friendly communication with strangers.

I hadn't even noticed this before this thread started but thinking about it , it is something that has really struck me.

London underground excepted, random women who don't know each other will speak to each other on trains , in queues, at bus stops etc. Random men, particularly older men, will do so too- not in a threatening way/ hitting on you way but just in a "it's nice to have a conversation way ". I don't think men interact with other men in this way.

My 7 month old baby girl waved for us today for the first time, my heart melted. Having a daughter is absolutely amazing. Congratulations