Tell me lovely things about having a baby girl

[OTheHugeManatee]

I feel quite ashamed to admit this. I'm 20wks with my first child and we found out at the scan she's a little girl. Though of course I'm overjoyed that I seem to be growing a healthy baby, my second thought was 'bad luck little one, this is becoming an increasingly shit world in which to be born female'.

I think about the plastic tits, the objectification, the erosion of women-only spaces and the vanishing right to define ourselves by biology rather than ladybrain, the porn, the death of feminism, the pay gap, the Cologne attacks, the myriad ways in which women's rights are being set back and back and back and I think 'how am I going to protect my little girl against all this?'

So, feminist mothers of daughters, please cheer me up with the positives. Tell me how it's going to be brilliant, and please tell me your strategies for raising strong, confident girls in the teeth of all the bullshit.

There was a thread here a while back asking if you would have preferred to have be born male. It was almost unanimous in its decision that most women preferred being female I certainly do. That certainly makes me think it cannot all be bad

There is nothing innately wring with liking Barbie and pink, it is only considered inferior because it is something girls like, which sucks. There is no innate superiority to preferring dinosaurs to princesses, only the value the world attaches to it. I'm not going to stop my girls playing with toys that are only considered inferior because they are associated with girls. My girls could be as pink, Barbie and princessy as they damn well pleased.

Agree 100%

If you have a daughter, you can get really involved in the vagina/vulva/minnie/front bottom/foo-foo name debate

My dd is 11 today and everyday since she has been born I've fought every prejudice going, she had cars as well as dolls, she wore blue and pink and a rainbow of other colours. She now wants to be an engineer , is fantastic at maths and great at martial arts, we discuss the suffragettes and women held back in other countries and why it isn't on. My dh would never read the sun anyway but we avoid anything that objectifies women. My son, he wears jewellery and nail varnish if he wants, he knows he can be whatever he wants and knows there are no differences in this family, of course at some point there is going to be issues to encounter but with a strong base they will be quietly strong and I hope at times vocal when needed. The fact that you are thinking about it means times are changing , even if it just starts at home. Congratulations!

Or loudly strong, both are great!

I find it a bit sad that feminists are disappointed to be having girls, even if it's for 'valid' reasons I would have been thrilled with either sex but when DD was placed on my chest and I looked between her little legs ( I didn't find out what I was having) it felt so right that she was a girl. I love being a woman. I'm happy for DD that she gets to be one too!

Most of my mum friends have baby girls too and our worry about the teenage years and porn culture in particular is very real. But I can't see my worry being any less with a boy tbh, just different. The world is a tough place for girls and boys today, I think.

Also the clothes for girls are so much more fun

I dont think there is anything wrong in girls liking barbie or pink either 1 of my Dds likes Disney princesses unicorns and super heroes girls who like ribbons and bows are no less a person because of it.

MrsJay there isnt anything wrong as part of a gamut of toys available. its when society tells them its the only thing they should like that its an issue. its limiting.

I have a girl and was so relieved about it. I was so pleased to have one for the very reasons you think its tough to have a girl. Yes its crap that we dont have gender equality but I intend on raising a daughter who challenges and questions her position in the world. It wont be like this forever as long as new generations of girls and women are raised to challenge the ideology.

I just want to raise her to know what she feels and wants is just as important as anyone else, male or female. I will encourage her to question anyone who says pink is for girls or superheroes are for boys etc etc

Should I ever have a boy he will be raised to believe this too.

Manatee, honestly, seriously, that little girl is the luckiest child ever. She's got as a Mum one of the most kind, intelligent and thoughtful posters I've ever known on this website.

Congratulations (even though you can't have it yet!) I'm thrilled for you

Not read the whole thread, but I think it's easier to raise a girl in a gender neutral way than it is to raise a boy.

Girls can generally wear "boys' clothes" and play with "boys' toys" without negative judgment. Boys are more likely to be negatively judged (by the unenlightened) if they do the reverse.

So from a feminist perspective that's made it easier to have girls.

I also wonder if, if I'd had a boy, I might have laid on the "don't be a sexist dick" thing a bit too thickly.

meddle you are right i do think its up to mothers to lay the foundations so our daughters find a balance though.

You need to protect your baby from plastic tits? Wow. There really is far worse things going on in the world than people having plastic surgery.

I have an 18 month old girl, and when I found out she was a girl, I have to admit it also crossed my mind, but after she was born, this has completely turned around. I'm so glad I have a girl and it has helped me be stronger myself; sometimes when I think of being weak over something, I remind myself I have to be a role model
For my daughter, I think, what kind of ideas about what women can do and can't do, do I want her to have?

Yes, women often get a rougher deal than men, but I wouldn't trade with them If I could! Men have to live up to all the macho bs, rarely get to spend as much time with their kids as the women, and have to pretend they like football. They never get to experience the miracle of carrying a baby inside them. Also, there's so much joy to be found in fighting alongside other women. It's up to you how you bring your girl up. You don't have to put her in dresses that means she can't climb and play as freely as the boys, and you don't have to call her princess or angel (please promise me you won't, call her something nice and strong). And finally, from a purely selfish standpoint, I am so glad to have a girl, because they are generally kinder to their parents and I know she's more likely to stay in touch with me when she grows up than a boy. When we're all retired and sitting at home waiting for a call from the kids, that call is likely to come more often if you have a girl. That may be because of gender stereotypic upbringing that teaches girls to be more considerate and family oriented, yes, but as long as the world is this way, it's one advantage we mums of girls have. Finally, grandchildren are often closer to maternal grandmothers than paternal grandparents, again because women tend to spend more time with their parents than men (also my mum has this slightly mad theory that it's because the eggs that produce your kids are there from you're a fetus, so in a beautiful way part of your children are created by their grandmothers in a very direct way, but I think is just her way to feel closer to her grandchildren ) congratulations on your girl!

I worried about these things when pregnant (didn't know the sex) and will again I'm sure (she's a she). In fact i could have written your post. But for now my little 3 week old daughter is snuggled in beside me asleep and dreaming and the worries are on the shelf. I know it's really important to think about her future but do let yourself get sucked into enjoy the present of being pregnant (hope all going well with you) and when she has arrived but too tiny to know or care about anything except feeding, sleeping and cuddling up to you.

I have a six year old girl. She is awesome. Strong minded, articulate, sweet, funny but totally feisty and kick ass!
Girls are awesome. And then they become women. And we are all amazing. True fact!

I agree with enchantedfairytale and love Lumpylumpy's post.

I understand your concerns. There will be inequalities to face. I don't think facing up to that is setting her up to fail and I don't think pretending those inequalities aren't there will help either.

A little girl carries your maternal line forward. She is the forward link in the chain of you, your mother, your grandmother, your great-grandmother... and so on to the beginning of life.

There is nothing innately wring with liking Barbie and pink, it is only considered inferior because it is something girls like, which sucks. There is no innate superiority to preferring dinosaurs to princesses, only the value the world attaches to it. I'm not going to stop my girls playing with toys that are only considered inferior because they are associated with girls. My girls could be as pink, Barbie and princessy as they damn well pleased. Tried to explain this to my old-school feminist mother recently. Failed.

Best thing is that at some point she might like the Feminist Matriarchal Cooperative of Hippotypal Species AKA My Little Pony. Without DD I would have dismissed this band of sisters, this ruling class of pony women as a bit silly. I have been schooled.

Also DD is the greatest living child. Huge coincidence that I got her but there you go.

A little girl carries your maternal line forward. She is the forward link in the chain of you, your mother, your grandmother, your great-grandmother... and so on to the beginning of life

An interesting thought. I've effectively killed one by having only a son.

Lass Genetically speaking, the only ones you'd definitely be losing in not having a daughter would be those genes in the mitochondria which 'live' in each of our cells - and which are only inherited along the maternal line - and those mitochondrial genes aren't thought to contribute to bodily characteristics, as it were.

Your son has inherited your mitochondria - but he won't pass them on to any of his children.

My girl is wonderful. Not because or in spite of being a girl, but because she is her. She's funny, clever, artistic, kind... I could go on. She love stereotyped girl things.. Princesses, sparkles, babies, but also so called boy things such as astronomy, knights and Star Wars. Raising her to be confident in who she is is an important job. I also feel we are letting ourselves down as feminists if being female/having a girl is something negative or disappointing.

I also feel we are letting ourselves down as feminists if being female/having a girl is something negative or disappointing

I agree. The thread isn't really saying that but more that some women feel anxious about having a daughter because life will be so hard for a daughter. Although I do think starting from an attitude of telling your daughter life will be so hard is terribly negative.

I wanted a daughter. Friends who were pregnant at the time wanted daughters. I have a son and actually had women asking if I was disappointed.

OP you sound as if you're intending to bring up your little girl in Saudi Arabia? I don't wish to be rude, but I think you might be dwelling on the negative a bit too much here. I've 2 DD's, eldset has done extremely well in school, now at Uni. The younger, doing very well too and planning on being a 'flying' doctor...

Gendered clothes? Just walk around the WHOLE of the kids department and buy some 'girl' and some 'boy' and mix it all up. That's what I do.

I work with teenager girls and very few of them will put up with an ounce of shit off anyone. The media and politics (especially in America) can push and push and try to get them to ... but my gut instinct is that a reckoning will come. Paving the way for the littlies of today.