Tell me lovely things about having a baby girl

[OTheHugeManatee]

I feel quite ashamed to admit this. I'm 20wks with my first child and we found out at the scan she's a little girl. Though of course I'm overjoyed that I seem to be growing a healthy baby, my second thought was 'bad luck little one, this is becoming an increasingly shit world in which to be born female'.

I think about the plastic tits, the objectification, the erosion of women-only spaces and the vanishing right to define ourselves by biology rather than ladybrain, the porn, the death of feminism, the pay gap, the Cologne attacks, the myriad ways in which women's rights are being set back and back and back and I think 'how am I going to protect my little girl against all this?'

So, feminist mothers of daughters, please cheer me up with the positives. Tell me how it's going to be brilliant, and please tell me your strategies for raising strong, confident girls in the teeth of all the bullshit.

I don't really have any strategies. I've 3 daughters (10 almost 11, 8 and 5). My parents had daughters, they managed to do ok. Mine are raised in a home, where no one puts anyone's dinner on the table, everyone pulls together, there's no jobs around the house that are split along mummy and daddy jobs. Everyone has a fair go at everything - they're smart, confident, funny, able to articulate what they like and don't like. They can play with whatever toys they want, if they wanted a Barbie for Christmas or birthday that's what they got.

I've really enjoyed watching my eldest grow up over the past 18 months or so. She's not afraid of her voice, she loves to learn, she loves to get things right, she's not embarrassed or plays down how clever she is. She's excited about her future, about growing up, about moving to big school (she's in her last year of primary school). If they were boys instead I'd like to think they'd be the same.

From teenage DS yesterday 'God, I sometimes wish I was a girl and could stick concealer all over these bloody spots. Aargh.'

(Sorry, not very edifying!)

every little girl that grows up into a stereotype-smashing, inequality-killing woman is a huge win for feminism.

Love this. My DD is fully grown woman who identify's strongly as feminist.
She went through the pink sparkly, princess stage, much to my chagrin, but I just let her. I always encouraged her to be herself, to not worry about what other people thought of her, never dismissed her opinions.never encouraged her to be a people pleaser,or be pretty and quiet and acquiescent.

I would point out blatant sexism in TV and in the media in general and I hope I made her think. She still blames me for ruining most of the rom coms around. She says she cant watch them without getting angry about how pathetic the female roles are.

She loves fashion and is a total make up freak, but she does this for her own pleasure, not for the male gaze, Her facebook rant about 'nice guys' was epic.

I love her,am proud of her and in awe of her.

its not any different to having a baby boy tbh.

I totally understand how you feel, I'm having my scan on Friday and I feel really anxious that I might be having a girl for all the reasons you mentioned.

My toddler DD is rapidly turning into an independent, brave, fearless and funny person. These are characteristics I really admire and will nurture. Women have so many choices and she can choose what she does with her life. I think women are more free than men in many respects. Society has embraced the idea of working women but I think stay at home dads aren't quite the norm yet.

I have a 2 yr old DD and I do worry about the same things that you describe BUT I teach teenagers and I have to say most of the girls are not into the whole fake look (a few, but not many), most are conscientious at school and have aspirations to go to college/uni/get into particular careers. I often hear them putting the boys in their place too, and challenging sexism. At the same time many do sports and all the normal, fun teenage girl stuff like shopping, nail varnish, pop concerts etc. This gives me hope.
Also you will always have someone to go on spa days with

Let her grow up into who she is, whether that's a mud-loving, Barbie-toting kid who wants to bake bread in space or a pink-obsessed dinosaur fan who wants to run a tea shop where everything's shaped like strawberries.

Main thing is you empower her with the strength to be her, to say no, to say yes, to have confidence and self-belief. Girls are superb people, just superb.

DD16 is feisty and confident in many situations and doesn't hesitate to stand up to her two older DBs, who are somewhat in awe of her forthrightness. She's independent and bright and I admire her greatly for some of the wisdom she comes out with at such a tender age. This week she stated that she's closed her instagram and snapchat accounts as all she sees is pathetic people trying desperately to look cool and edgy. In many cases these are people she knows are not remotely cool or edgy. She pays little attention to Facebook either, except for making social arrangements with friends.

This morning I told her that one of my abiding memories of driving her to the station or to school/college will be the frequent roaring laughter, witty humour and repartee that we often share. I'll miss these days and I'm in awe of her too. I can't see her playing second fiddle to some bloke for a moment.

Actually, OP, as a mum of 2 girls and then a son, I find myself fretting more about him than my daughters!

My girls and I are always chatting about standing up for equality, pushing through stereo types, working on what it means to be self-assured, confident...embracing the world of beauty and using it in a way that makes us feel good, not to please other people etc etc and they have a good grip on all of this (even at 5 & 8; we do lots of reading on powerful female role models, women in history, current affair topics related to women and whatnot) and fire in their belly.....I have few worries about how they will get on in this world as female adults. I'm excited to watch them develop their spirits and gusto.

My son- well, I worry a lot (but to go into that would be against the grain of the general conversation).

Best of luck, OP.

I felt similar to you when I found out my little one was going to be a girl. The thing that made it OK for me was thinking through the women in my life who will be influential for her & how incredible, strong, vibrant & varied they are. I can't wait to see what opportunities present themselves to her & I'm genuinely excited by what her life might have in store.

I have 3 daughters. I regret to say that 2 out of the 3 have loved Barbies, princesses and pink clothing at various stages. But don't worry, all is not lost. It is generally just a phase and in no way is predictive of a restrictive gender-stereotyped future. My eldest (now 15) is very informed about feminism and takes an interest in critical thinking, politics and philosophy. We attended a talk by Germaine Greer together and she is aware of trans-critical feminist arguments.

Your own behaviour and attitude will give your DD messages about the world and that will be a big factor in how your she grows up and the beliefs and values she develops. Of course society has an influence too, but don't fret. Just keep being who you are. Your influence is massive.

They turn into glorious creatures like this.

"every little girl that grows up into a stereotype-smashing, inequality-killing woman is a huge win for feminism."

Love this!

At least she won't become a misogynistic teenage boy who's all 'what about the menz'.

I always wanted both sexes. Now I wish I'd just had girls.

If you want a really cheery thought-

You are less likely to be murdered by your dd than by your ds.

I regret to say that 2 out of the 3 have loved Barbies, princesses and pink clothing at various stages.

Why regret this? There is nothing innately wring with liking Barbie and pink, it is only considered inferior because it is something girls like, which sucks. There is no innate superiority to preferring dinosaurs to princesses, only the value the world attaches to it. I'm not going to stop my girls playing with toys that are only considered inferior because they are associated with girls. My girls could be as pink, Barbie and princessy as they damn well pleased.

Seems to have worked OK with the first one - she is studying engineering

I have to say by ds (15) is a total sweetie and completely feminist. He really hates sexism and any other prejudice, he tries not to go with the crowd unless he's thought it through. He's very compassionate as well. I hope he can thrive in a world that seems to need boys to be so hard and defended.

Agree with above post. There is no point in saying girls are every bit as good as boys if you then undermine them in that way.

Congratulations OP. Don't set her up to fail before she is even born. Be positive.

Everything! My 2 DD's love princesses, pink and dressing up.... But they are equally (if not more) happy to play Star Wars, kick a ball, look for bugs or anything 'boys' stereotypically do.

My oldest DD wants to be a surgeon, or a singer, but sometimes Han Solo on weekends

Congratulations

The reason I don't particularly like Barbies, princesses and pink clothing is because it is dictated to girls from their environment what they should play with and what colour they should wear in a way that is inherently sexist. The grown up version is feeling that you have to wear makeup, remove body hair and look after your man. All these things are "choices" so therefore cannot be criticised but such choices are entrenched in quite restrictive ideas that are dictated from society about what it should mean to be female. Not saying that dinosaurs and blue are superior to princesses and pink, but just kind of wishing that my girls had not gone gung ho for the gendered toys.

I have two daughters, and I have the same fears as you, especially after reading #WhenIwas on twitter yesterday.

I'm trying to raise my girls to know that being a boy or a girl shouldn't limit what you like or do, and that you don't have to do certain things (cuddle, play games etc) if you don't want to. But sometimes I feel frustrated that their experiences in this world depend on other people bringing up their boys to understand these things too, and that I could have had a more direct (small) effect on society if I had had boys to influence.

They are brilliant in general though.

When I was pregnant there were no scans to tell the sex of the baby. I'm glad. I would urge mums not to find out the sex before birth. If you don't know then all you can visualise is a baby and you start with a clean sheet and see how your baby develops. If you know months in advance it must be almost impossible to see a small girl or boy and stereotypes can creep so easily into the mind.

should read "not" to see.