How are you raising a feminist?

[thecrab]

Probably a stupid question but it's something I think about a lot, how do I make sure I raise my child to be a feminist?

When DD was a year old DH gave up his job and became a SAHD. This one thing, I think, laid the foundations for the rather staunch feminist she now is (aged 14). She knows that men can be nurturing, that men cook, that childcare does not equal housekeeping and that women can earn more than their partners without emasculating them.

She's also inherited DH's scientist's logical way of looking at things which has served her well when dealing with boys who seem to be offended that's she's better at maths and science than them. Her answer to "Girl's can't do maths/science" comments is something along the lines of "Well, obviously that's not true because I'm much better at maths/science than you and I'm a girl." I think most of the boys at her school are faintly terrified of her.

We are also very open with her about sexism/media representations of women/gender balance in power/sexual harassment etc.

Make sure you pull them up on it whenever they make sexist comments or assumptions. I do this to my own kids and my friends kids.

running lke a girl, hitting like a girl. Using like a girl as a metaphor for crapness

Always gets picked up on

other than that, just live it, and make sure your actual life reflects it too. Dont expect your kids to think that women can do anything they want, if all they ever see their mum do is drudgery and servantile stuff, and their dad not

My sister still uses "like a girl" as an insult to her 3year old boy, i told her off straight away for putting down her own gender, I just don't get that!

Love reading all these replies! My husband and I have been having long discussions about this topic and feel like with all these suggestions we should have no problem bringing up our children to value equality.

I tell you why in my case I believe it is right. The brand of feminism I adhere to is about equality. That's what for me, feminism was always meant to be about - human equality.

Peastalks any particular reason you gave your boys your DH's name rather than yours? I'm not being critical, it just interests me that most mother's who don't share their partner's surname seem to give the father's name to the child.

As for raising a feminist... I point out, frequently, what a shit deal women in many parts of the world get; how millions of women and girls are discriminated against from pre-birth onwards, viewed as lesser, abused, subjugated and restricted in their freedom and potential. I try to instil in her a strong sense of her own worth, and that she should never accept any of that shit. I point out that things are much better here (UK) and now than they are in many other cultures (and have been in many other times), but that there's still a way to go. I encourage her to see and recognise injustice. I also talk to her about the pressures that are on all young people, and especially girls, and encourage her to see how crap that is.

"my mate says Feminists are all lesbian rubbish."

Well, if you think people might say that, then surely challenging it is the answer, not saying "well, OK, let's not say feminism, then"?

I'm also fascinated by this "oh, there are so many definitions of feminism" thing. Are there? Really? It always makes me think of the the people who say "Oh, you wean your baby at 8 weeks if you want to, you know your baby best. They're always changing the guidelines anyway"

It also make me wonder what people tell their daughters about the women who have struggled to get them the freedoms they have today, and whether they remind them that those freedoms were hard won and could be lost in a generation. And whether they tell them of the battles that are still to be won.

I've been reading the FWRB for a few years now, Stewie, Dittany, Sakura and the rest of the very informed posters, and there have been a number of interesting and often heated discussions between feminists as to what the priorities are, what's a sell-out and what is or isn't acceptable to different individuals.
So yes, I do think that different women have sometimes differing opinions on what constitutes feminism. The core is often the same, the devil is in the details.

'what people tell their daughters about the women who have struggled to get them the freedoms they have today, and whether they remind them that those freedoms were hard won and could be lost in a generation. And whether they tell them of the battles that are still to be won.'

Yes.

bert

It works for us, and of course I challenge, so do my dc. We just choose our battles.
I haven't heard the expression for at least 10 years now, but having already raised 2 men I share experiences of raising them too, not just recent experiences.

It also make me wonder what people tell their daughters about the women who have struggled to get them the freedoms they have today, and whether they remind them that those freedoms were hard won and could be lost in a generation. And whether they tell them of the battles that are still to be won

What do you think people tell their daughters? Do you think they tell their sons too?

Tonight at dinner we were talking about the 'class bear' that DS had brought home for the weekend - where we'd take him and what photos we'd take etc. And I asked my DDs (8yrs and 10yrs) why class bears were always boys (Billy Bear, Bobby Bear etc) and never girls, like Betsy Bear for example. My husband said "well, boys would make a fuss about a 'Betsy Bear' " and I said "exactly!!!! Why do girls mot make a fuss about a male bear??" and DD (10yrs) piped up "because we're not idiots?". And in that I realised I had raised a feminist, who knew how to pick her battles..!!!!

Billy Bear and Bobby Bear could be girl bears. (Billie Piper , Bobbie Gentry, Bobbi Brown)

"Billy Bear and Bobby Bear could be girl bears. (Billie Piper , Bobbie Gentry, Bobbi Brown)"

I know that was a joke, but it does illustrate an important point. Billy and Bobby Bear could be girls bears. And there are lots of male names that are considered acceptable for girls. But Sarah or Poppy Bear would never be boy bears. And usually, once a name is seen to be being given to girls it stops being used for boys.

I've raised a feminist. He's 22. We had a long discussion yesterday about porn. He thinks it exploits women and is used for male gratification. He's proud to be a feminist😍. I love him to bits.

What l mainly did was talk to him. About women, about double standards about everything. It seems to have worked!

My dd has a billy bear and bobby bear, she named them herself, they are both boys because all teddy bears are boys. According to her when she was about 3.

just found it strange those names were used

My sister still uses "like a girl" as an insult to her 3year old boy, i told her off straight away for putting down her own gender, I just don't get that!

Oo

Did she give a reason? Does she hate herself that much?

I just understand that kind of woman. She seems to do her utmost to raise a misogynist. But why?

I'm hoping that DS never thinks that behaving "like a girl" is a bad thing. His dad bought him "Rosie Revere, Engineer" the other day because it's a great story about not giving up when something doesn't work first time. Expecting him not to be able to empathise with girl characters would be building a misogynist.

We have two mid teenage DSs. We challenge anything they say that is sexist. The sort of thoughtless stuff they pick up at school from other lads.

Talking to them about respect for girls and equality issues without lecturing. To be fair they get a lot of this kind of thing in PSHE as well at school so they are aware already.

I don't let them treat DW like a domestic servant. I go on at them about picking up their stuff, cleaning up after themselves as much as she does.

Not sure its feminism we are teaching but I think they get the message.

I don't let them treat DW like a domestic servant.

Why don't you "not let them treat you like a domestic servant"? Why is a domestic servant a thing DW might be treated as?

'I don't let them treat DW like a domestic servant.'

Otherwise she'd let them?
or do you mean you support her when she refuses to be treated like that? Are they dismissive or mocking of you when you do traditionally womanly tasks around the house?

LuisCarol/TheSolitaryWanderer - I think you may be reading things into my post that aren't there.

Me and DW split domestic chores equally. I do all the cooking, DIY, gardening, half the cleaning and ironing. DW prefers to organise all the washing but the DSs have a tendency to leave dirty clothes on their bedroom floor and not bring it down to wash so I back her up on that. I mainly want them to learn that there isn't a washing fairy that picks up their dirty pants and socks.

They see me doing domestic stuff all he time and they are now cleaning their own rooms and bathroom - although we both have to remind them. I am teaching DS1 to cook cakes and pastry for his DofE as well so definitely no mocking.

Partly, I think this is about setting up 'norms' in their minds. There are a couple of other threads on men not doing their share of domestic chores and I don't want my DSs falling into that camp.

Backing each other up, I like that.
Yes, it's about setting the norm and that being what they match future encounters and experiences against.