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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

If you had the choice would you rather have been born male?

123 replies

khuliloach · 09/03/2016 20:02

I have been thinking about this a lot lately and its getting depressing. I am 41 and just know I would have had a much better life being a male.

I hate who I am. I have two lovely children, loved being preg and all that. But just see all the males around me have such an easier time. Including husband, who's life hasn't changed at all since having children.

He is so free and has no ties.

I would just love to be a man!

OP posts:
TheOptimisticPessimist · 10/03/2016 07:13

No.

I was sexually harassed again by some drunken idiots last weekend and not having to deal with that on a regular basis would be incredible.

My career is only just starting and I think being a woman has been a large part of getting where I am, however already I can sense that I'd be getting a lot further a lot quicker if I was male, which is incredibly disheartening.

On the flip side, I don't want to deal with the pressure to be 'masculine' or grow up with male entitlement that would leave my partner or the females around me resenting me for being an ass even when I didn't realise I was being one. As much as I'd love to say I'd be different, the proportion of men that don't display some degree of their entitlement at some point is tiny to none, so in reality it's unlikely.

All in all I'm happy being female, I'm just not happy with the lot we're handed at birth.

nooka · 10/03/2016 07:20

I'm happy being me, so I'd not want to change now, but given the choice of being born male or female I'd go for male every time. Chances of success are so much higher, even now women are paid significantly less than men (for similar jobs too). When I was younger I was very ambitious, and it sucks that women are so poorly represented at the top of the tree of pretty much every career that there is, whether that's in science, law, politics, business etc.

I also hated the whole pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding thing and would happily delegate that to someone else. Sure it's cool to look at my children and think I started them off, but it wasn't without cost. I still can't sneeze without it really hurting me and my younger child is 15. dh has suffered no such side effects (or from quite significant periods of being a SAHD).

Plus I look at the unequal expectations on my children (boy/girl) and that dd and her friends have already experienced sexual violence as well as way more expectations on how they look and behave and I think it's still really quite shit for women still. And that's in a wealthy progressive leftish sort of country too, for children with all the advantages that life provides really.

BarefootAcrossHotLegoPieces · 10/03/2016 07:27

"I'm happy being me, so I'd not want to change now, but given the choice of being born male or female I'd go for male every time. "

This.

sooperdooper · 10/03/2016 07:29

No, and OP the issue with your DH being free of ties even though you have kids is your issue to address - it's not an inherent truth, it's how he chooses to behave and how you choose to let him

I think it's incredibly sad that people have mentioned being taken seriously and self worth as things they'd only have as a man - again these aren't only things a man can have - but if you don't believe in yourself it's a hard situation to be in

My family brought us all up equal - there was no this is for girls/this is for boys but I see the damage that kind of thinking does to adults around me now.

DH was a case in point - I still have to hammer it home to him I'm not there to clean up after him like his mum, but I won't allow it to go unsaid

SurferJet · 10/03/2016 07:30

Agree nooka - I'm struggling to think of one example where women have it easier or are at an advantage over men?
We become invisible at 45, we spend our lives conforming ( shaving legs/armpits/ wearing a bit of make up ) worrying about our weight, desperately trying to stay 'young' ( how much do we spend on creams? ) and that's before we've even stepped outside the door! & yes I know that's not all women, but it's the vast majority.
Men just seem to have far more confidence in almost every situation.

PalmerViolet · 10/03/2016 07:36

Yes Nooka, while I wouldn't want to change right now, being born male would have made life smoother and easier.

WomanWithAltitude · 10/03/2016 07:42

The inequalities that I see, and the way women are often treated, makes me angry and want to take action but they don't make me want to be a man.

WomanWithAltitude · 10/03/2016 07:43

But at the same time, I do know my life would have been much easier if I was male. Some things that have happened to me wouldn't have happened at all. And I'd be take more seriously at work etc.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 10/03/2016 07:47

Yes I would.

dudsville · 10/03/2016 07:48

When I was young I did at times wish I could be a tall, strong man. But I could have wished for that if I'd been a short man. As an adult now i can say that my own life has not been impeded by being a woman. I'm senior at work on top pay and have an equal financial contribution to the home I live in and am in a relationship with someone who is my equal.

MyBreadIsEggy · 10/03/2016 07:50

Sometimes I think I would love to swap bodies with my husband for a day.
But then when I really think about it, there's no point. I've done more or less the exact same job as him (military), and we do pretty equal shares of the housework. It would be nice to go to work and leave him at home with DD so he can fully understand why I lose my shit sometimes after being stuck in the house mon-fri with only an 11mo for company. And I would probably spend the whole day waving my penis around in front of the mirror anyway
I'm so glad I'm a woman!! Our bodies are probably the most precious thing on this earth. We grow whole human beings don'tcha know Wink

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 10/03/2016 07:52

I am taking it for granted I would be white, BTW...

WomanWithAltitude · 10/03/2016 07:58

Also, I'm not sure I'd want to be as blind to the crap perpetrated by the patriarchy as most men are. On the one hand, they are less affected by it and ignorance is bliss, but on the other hand I don't think I'd want to be as ignorant about it as most men seem to be.

Maybe that's weird.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 10/03/2016 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/03/2016 08:07

I'm happy to be me, and wouldn't want to not be a woman. I have a good life and - occasional and low level household gripes aside - feel like I have it pretty good.

However I really hate the issues that women, as a sex (i.e. not me as an individual), face. Rape, domestic violence, the myriad inequalities we face as a result of being the child bearer. The pressure on us to look beautiful and youthful, and be irrelevant when we don't. Etc, etc...

Anniegetyourgun · 10/03/2016 08:42

I used to envy their muscles, sometimes still do. But I couldn't be doing with those stupid dangly bits. Women are a much tidier design.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 10/03/2016 09:24

I think I'd have been perfectly happy if I'd been born male and, tbh, if I woke up tomorrow male then I'd probably settle into it quite quickly after a readjustment period.

However, despite the career and financial benefits of being a man I wouldn't choose to give up on being a woman - knowing the issues that face women, I couldn't choose ignorance for myself and leave everyone else to fight it and I wouldn't be happy being part of the problem, either by actively perpetuating the patriarchy or passively just not fighting against it.

UmbongoUnchained · 10/03/2016 09:30

No I love being a girl.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 10/03/2016 10:31

I'm struggling to think of one example where women have it easier or are at an advantage over men?

Um we were let in the lifeboats first and didn't get drafted in the WWs? That's all I can ever think of Wink

mudandmayhem01 · 10/03/2016 10:48

In an equal society I really wouldn't have much of a prefence ( not there yet) if I had the misfortune to be born in Saudi of course I would want to be a man( or at any time before about 1945). I think being born into poverty these days has a far more drastic effect on your life chances than sex.

RhuBarbarella · 10/03/2016 10:59

Yes I would rather have been born male. I'm the second daughter and my father was hugely disappointed that I was a girl. If I had been a boy I most probably would not have ended up as a black sheep, in his eyes. He would have paid for my education and everything would have been different. Easier.
I hate the fear that I as a woman am never really free of, of violent men. I would love to move around in the world without that, travel, explore. I've done quite a bit of that, including traveling alone in Asia but the ease with which men can go about is something I've envied a lot.

Sadik · 10/03/2016 11:09

No, because then I wouldn't be me, IYKWIM.

Unlike pps, i do wish wholeheartedly however that men (and DH in particular) could be pregnant and have babies. I'd have cheerfully passed over that bit of womanliness . . . .

seagreengirl · 10/03/2016 12:23

No, I love being a woman. My Dh certainly doesn't have an easier life, it's just different, different responsibilities and different pressures.

Anyway, why would anyone choose a life just because it's easier? It would be easier just to go to Margate on holiday every year, but we don't, we go to the places that interest us.

mudandmayhem01 · 10/03/2016 12:39

Put it the other way, if I had been born a man would I want to be a woman, probably not. I am generally content with my life so I suppose being happy with my sex fits with that.

SomeDyke · 10/03/2016 12:39

As a lesbian, no! Women are far superior, and two women together is awesome. Physically, emotionally and spiritually.