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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

If you had the choice would you rather have been born male?

123 replies

khuliloach · 09/03/2016 20:02

I have been thinking about this a lot lately and its getting depressing. I am 41 and just know I would have had a much better life being a male.

I hate who I am. I have two lovely children, loved being preg and all that. But just see all the males around me have such an easier time. Including husband, who's life hasn't changed at all since having children.

He is so free and has no ties.

I would just love to be a man!

OP posts:
DansonslaCapucine · 09/03/2016 20:39

Not prefer. Don't know where bit came from.

derxa · 09/03/2016 20:41

*Including husband, whose life hasn't changed at all since having children

He is so free and has no ties*

Um, I think it has. If you think it hasn't and that he has no ties that's really for him and you to address.

Exactly this

NotCitrus · 09/03/2016 20:41

Not too fussed either way, but figure it's probably more interesting being a woman (for better and worse) and being a non-gender-conforming and queer man would probably be harder certainly in the 90s than the same as a woman. Also it's been easier to come to terms with being unable to work full-time as a woman, than if I were a man who would know hardly any other men who didn't work full-time.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/03/2016 20:41

Yes, no question.
But only for the equality bit. And the self belief.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 09/03/2016 20:45

Weird I was contemplating the same thing yesterday and thought of starting this thread.

Yes I think being born a man would have been better. Am interested in why pps think it would be shit?

I wouldn't change into a man now though!

FlakeyLurker · 09/03/2016 20:47

Yes. Societally, I do think men still have many advantages, and personally I have always worked and played in masculine environments and would fit in better as a dude.

MyKingdomForBrie · 09/03/2016 20:48

Fuck no, not at all. Sounds like you need a different dh not a different sex!

annandale · 09/03/2016 20:51

God no.

Actually - yes, when I used to do a sport. I really enjoyed it and did it to a high level but it was depressing to realise i would never be even half as fast as a man at the same level.

And at times I have wanted to be able to have orgasms easily, though quite a few men I know have trouble with that just like I do.

Otherwise - nah, thanks.

AgentCooper · 09/03/2016 20:52

No way. I find female friendships and bonds, when they are good, to be supportive, positive and emotionally open in a way that I just don't think many men experience. Sorry if that sounds clichéd or doesn't ring true but my close female friendships are like the foundations of my life. This is just my personal experience.

I would rather have equality with men than be one.

slugseatlettuce · 09/03/2016 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SurferJet · 09/03/2016 21:02

Yep - it's a mans world, always has been & always will be.
Can't understand why people think men have it hard? Confused

AGnu · 09/03/2016 21:05

Today my DH worked from home to take care of the DC while I wasn't feeling well. He got a couple of hours done this morning, took the DC out, did a couple more hours, sorted dinner, took over dealing with DS1's ASD meltdown, dealt with my meltdown after I couldn't cope with DS1... Now he's working again to make up his hours.

I've spent almost the entire day either in bed or on the sofa feeling ill, until bedtime which we try to tackle together. I'm now back on the sofa MNing.

Today, I wouldn't choose to be my DH.

Tribblewithoutacause · 09/03/2016 21:55

Only if I had the option of being a ballet dancer (they can train late and have quite successful careers). Otherwise hell no!

SueTrinder · 09/03/2016 22:04

Good things about being female: orgasms.

Good things about being male: everything else.

My brother says he's glad he's a man because he see what some men say about women and he's glad he doesn't have to put up with that. Fucking depressing thought frankly.

GingerCuddleMonsterThe2nd · 09/03/2016 22:09

No, I love being a woman.

It's swings and roundabouts I suppose though. For me life would be very different if I were male and not female, especially after being made homeless in my teens. I think I would have ended up on a very different poor path if I was male.

EdYouKateShaun · 09/03/2016 22:15

No way! My body grew a human person inside it. Like it grew a heart and a brain and fingernails and ears... that is just mind blowingly amazing!

GingerCuddleMonsterThe2nd · 09/03/2016 22:23

I'm with Ed growing another human being is preety cool, I mean I can't even ckeep a cactus alive in a pot on the window, but I can grow a person Grin

PalmerViolet · 09/03/2016 23:21

Right at this precise moment, with the gynae problems I'm having, I'd rather be a cactus, even a dead one.

Generally, no. I've grown a couple of people inside me. My body fed them for months after.

The crap that most women have to put up with most of the time is depressing, but that's what feminism is for. Grin

AlleyCatandRastaMouse · 09/03/2016 23:28

Absolutely not. I love being a woman manufacturing babies and milk for them is worth every draw back ever. Being a woman rocks. Actually I think being a man is pretty shit, their gender expectations are still even more rigid than women, grand if you fit that mould but really awful if you don't.

Xmasbaby11 · 09/03/2016 23:31

No, I'm very happy to be a woman.

Why is your DH free while you are not? My Dh has struggled with stress and tiredness and depression since becoming a father 4 years ago. Both our lives have changed, not one more than the other. Imo I have it better but this is nothing to do with being female as far as I know. Compared to dh, I have better friends, enjoy my job more and have not suffered from depression. I know a lot of depressed men who struggle to talk about it and get support. Many women assume me will step up job wise and bE the higher earner but not all of them want this - I think this is a pressure on men.

RJnomore1 · 09/03/2016 23:35

Yes. Absolutely.

I love being me. I have no self esteem issues. But given the chance of being the gender which has the easier end of the stick in reproduction, childbirth and societal expectations, given the chance with no repercussions, in this day and age, sbsoluteky I would choose to be fucking male. Which is a sad indictment of our society.

Icompletelyunderstand · 10/03/2016 04:34

Do you think men have it easier in societal expectations? I don't. I think they have many things easier, but societal expectations (especially in how financially successful they are) is not one of them.

It's still seen as perfectly okay for a woman to marry a man who is richer and more successful than she is and opt out of work to raise the family, but a man who does the same is supposed to feel emasculated by it, and slightly ashamed of it.

fastingmum123 · 10/03/2016 04:39

I would but have always wanted to be.

ICJump · 10/03/2016 05:09

No, I would always choose to be a woman. Some of it sucks but other parts are sheer bliss.
And I suspect I'd still be a slightly chubby, middle if the road man.

It's like watching period dramas when I think how beautiful the dresses are and then realise I'd be a serf

Millionsmom · 10/03/2016 05:10

I'm the middle child with 2 brothers, so when my younger brother came along I was pushed aside by my parents and then my older brother as he now played with our younger brother. They shared a room, clothes, sport etc. I had no one. No matter how 'lucky' friends at school told me I was - no sharing, no stealing etc - I just felt very alone. If I were a boy I could join in with the boys. It probably didn't help that I wasn't the slim pretty girly girl - my frame is definitely a large - and I would rather be playing footie than with dolls. It was a revelation watching a documentary about sex changes, I thought you were who you were.
BUT that was as a child and I thought as a child. As an adult I'm so glad to be a woman! Not that life is easier for me, I read once if you swapped your troubles for someone else's you'd soon wish the old ones back, but it's just 'life'. I get more frustrated the way women treat each other than by the way men treat women. And the way society says it's okay to keep knocking someone when they're down. The 'clever' nastiness is shocking.
A man's life is no easier or harder than a women's, it's just different.