Why do women "stand by their man"?

[IShouldBeSoLurky]

Just seen a photo of Adam Johnson arriving at court with his girlfriend. He's admitted grooming and sexually assaulting a 15-year-old girl. His girlfriend was pregnant at the time.

WHY do women have so little self-respect? Ched Evans's girlfriend too. And it's not like their football careers aren't totally over.

It's just so depressing.

Aleah, how awful

I think a lot of women don't want to lose the money & lifestyle. Adam Johnston lives in a 6 bedroom house - no way could his fiance live like that off her own earnings.

You do see on Mumsnet lots of women who want to leave their husbands, but finances prevent it - basically, I think he is a sack of shit now, but he supports us all financially, so what can I do?

Women must cling on to their financial independence for all they are worth & resist the golden handcuffs of relying on a high earning man if they want to ensure they are never trapped in a financial prison that makes standing by a vile creep seem like a reasonable life choice.

I like your username, whattheseithakasmean

The golden handcuffs idea is an interesting one and I agree to a certain extent. But the way I see it, for some women, beauty is their only bargaining chip. Yes, perhaps it could get them money, independence and the lifestyle they want in their own right - if they were a model or whatever. But sometimes it gets them that privilege through a relationship with a man. I suppose you could argue that accessing that means compromising and turning a blind eye to dickish behaviour, like Colleen Rooney has done (and with the greatest respect to her, she doesn't really have the physical and intellectual resources to have accessed the lifestyle she has on her own).

Of course, financial independence is something we should all aspire to and insist our daughters aspire to. But if a woman uses the assets she has to forge a relationship that gets her those things, within the structures we're all living under (footballers make more money than models, and have longer careers, for example), I wouldn't judge her for that.

Now, though, his career is toast - he has no future earnings to speak of. They're married, they have a child, she'd be entitled to a share of his finances on that basis alone. So why stand by him? She's got nothing to gain from doing so that she isn't already entitled to.

Thank you for the user name comment - its a poem I always return to, in its various translations.

This is interesting: 'They're married, they have a child, she'd be entitled to a share of his finances on that basis alone. So why stand by him? She's got nothing to gain from doing so that she isn't already entitled to.'

I have reflected on that, and I do think their can be an element of conditioned paralysis & fear of standing on their own two feet - hence why people often use an affair to leave a marriage, or why women can seem to boomerang between hopeless losers, rather than go it alone. She is quite young, so she has possibly never lived alone and the thought of doing that with a baby is too daunting?

So as well as retaining financial independence throughout life, we should encourage our daughters to have a few years living & supporting themselves before they throw in their lot with a man, just so they know they can. It is a good feeling in any relationship to know you are there because you want to be, not because you need to be.

In the current trial it is my understanding that she attends court but doesn't turn up with the defendant ?
Please correct me if wrong. I think if I were in her shoes I would want to hear it all and not be spun a version by him or his lawyers.

In reference to the girlfriend she must be going through hell with all the consequences - which I won't go into whilst it is ongoing.

I think she's his girlfriend not his wife. If she walked she'd get child support but nothing for herself.

LadyIsabella, yes, you're right.

Chimp, I've seem pictures of them arriving at court together.

Yes, the unmarried thing is potentially very relevant here. But remember OP we don't know the ins and outs of their finances. It's true this is likely to significantly impact any future football earnings. Good chance he'll never play professionally again. But you never know what his business interests are. Perhaps he's invested very well and is likely to continue making a lot from that. Plenty of footballers do.

His partner clearly isn't in the same position as some of the women we read on the Relationships board who haven't a pot to piss in, most likely she has luxury goods of her own that she could flog to set her and the child up if necessary. She could probably also get five figures flogging her story, once he's banged up. However there still seems a pretty good chance that even with a prison sentence behind him, he represents a better bet financially than going it alone.

They have broken up.

I'm glad. She won't regret it. He is amoral.