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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

To thick for feminism?

84 replies

fastingmum123 · 18/01/2016 18:58

Ok so to start with I'm interested I believe in equal rights and have been lurking on feminist sites and Twitter feeds for a while. The thing is half the time I feel like i can't be involved as everyone always seems so clever and half the time speak another language with all their turf, cis ect ect talk. If you ask what anything means you get scornful responses telling you to look it up ect and tbh it just puts me off having anything to do with it.

Then there's the other weird side where you get the man haters who are all death to all men and just seem plain crazy. Along with them "man bumped into me said sorry. Sexist bastard" types that just don't make any sense what so ever.

Am I the only one who feels they don't fit in?

OP posts:
Original poster
fastingmum123 · 18/01/2016 23:27

Thanks everyone will check out some of those websites and maybe the course if I have time between work, learning to drive and looking after the monsters. It just sometimes feels like I can't join in as everyone's really bright, been to uni and can write well written posts.

I'm not really one to fit in anyway even in rl I think people don't know what to make of me! I'm very shy to the point I only really talk to people I know well but ride motorbikes and listen to heavy metal.

Thanks again everyone I'm off to bed now and will check back here in the morning.

OP posts:
LieselMeminger · 19/01/2016 00:00

I'm not bright, BTEC is as far as my education goes.
I'm very shy too, I've been told I come across a snobby and up my own arse irl, which I'm not, I'm just painfully shy and nervous until I get to know someone. Which is why I love the feminism section here. It's given me some confidence in myself and the women posting have helped me more than they will ever know.

I don't always agree with everything posted, it takes me so long to type anything that the thread has usually moved on, I worry about being misunderstood and pissing someone off, but mostly I love this part of MN and the posters who have taught me so much without knowing. I probably get more wrong than I get right, but I feel welcome here and posters are helpful if asked.

You're not too thick for feminism, everybody is different and that's one of the things I love about MN. If I can ever help you with anything via pm I'll do my best (like I say I'm not that bright though haha)

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 19/01/2016 00:18

Oh I'm too thick.

I've been told I don't think about things.

Was told I only thought I hated sport because I was too conditioned by performing feminity to think otherwise.

almondpudding · 19/01/2016 00:21

Lass, you are not thick and I enjoy your posts.

TheWomanInTheWall · 19/01/2016 00:25

Not a poster on here thinks you are thick, Lass. So let's not make this thread about you, eh?

uglyswan · 19/01/2016 00:35

"Was told I only thought I hated sport because I was too conditioned by performing feminity to think otherwise." - Jesus, on this board? I thought I hated sport because it is serves the political and economic interests of the nation state while contributing to an alienated consciousness on an individual and societal level - but that's probably just the conditioning talking.
Hi OP, I'm as thick and un-Phded a manhater as they come - but this is honestly a great board for reading a variety of thought-provoking posts and opinions. Do stay!

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 19/01/2016 00:50

Yes it was on here.

I like I thought I hated sport because it is serves the political and economic interests of the nation state while contributing to an alienated consciousness on an individual and societal level

Sounds much cleverer than "it's boring innit"

PalmerViolet · 19/01/2016 06:39

Oh dear...

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 19/01/2016 06:43

Care to expand on that Palmer?

ChocChocPorridge · 19/01/2016 07:03

Lass, for someone who says they aren't a feminist because they don't like the victimhood mentality, you don't half enjoy playing that card on these boards.

We agree on somethings, disagree on others (particularly your representation of what other people have said) - but the last thing you are is thick. Immovable maybe, but not thick.

Original poster
fastingmum123 · 19/01/2016 08:13

Huh I've never said anything about not liking the victimhood or that I don't like feminism. All I was saying is it seems a bit clicky sometimes.

OP posts:
PalmerViolet · 19/01/2016 08:15

Not really Lass, because it's not about you.

Original poster
fastingmum123 · 19/01/2016 08:17

Sorry it's early I've reread and get it now

OP posts:
TheWomanInTheWall · 19/01/2016 08:29

OP, Lass isn't responding to your posts particularly; she says similar things on many FWR threads.

Sorry if you find feminism clicky - is that on MN or in general?

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 19/01/2016 08:52

Hello fasting :)

I rarely post on Feminism either. Only because I'm not adding anything new to the argument. I've learned a lot and people have always been kind when I have posted.

As a layman I keep getting stuck. I argue with people on Facebook if they put something up that I don't agree with. I daren't argue on Twitter or the like (even though I'd love to) because of previous DV and any knowing that any threats etc. would really hurt me.

Them I feel as though I'm letting the side down and letting the misogynists win, because their threats scare me, so I shut up. And I hate that.

So I try to do the small things in my life and with my children and friends, to combat inequality. I point out gendered advertising to the dcs, and we all laugh at it. I teach my ds's about consent and my DC about how no one, not even me, has a right to touch her if she says she doesn't want them to.

I teach my dd that she always has a right to say no and for it to be respected. Because when you're told "no means no" but you're also told, "if you're on a date it's your duty to stay with him all night no matter how badly it is going" (and yes my df did say those actual words to 15 year old me) then that's contradictory.

These are just things that I wish I'd been taught really. I try to pass them on.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 19/01/2016 09:16

Another mainly-lurkrer, only occasional poster, for much the same reason that FYC is.

No PhD, but a masters. Very shy IRL.

Another reason I don't post much, and this isn't about thick, per se, but a lot of freds on which I lurk start to get bun-fighty on sometimes really minor points. I know the posters and issues well enough that I know its not, say, regulars v trolls, for instance, and that a lot of times the regulars really do agree on something but get a bit fiddly in the exact wording.

And I just don't want to wander into that and make a fool of myself. But that doesn't seem to stop the trolls, of course. Sad

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 19/01/2016 09:18

Not really Lass, because it's not about you

I didn't say it was- "oh dear" as a comment doesn't add much to the debate.

TheWomanInTheWall · 19/01/2016 09:24

Chris, your actions sound good!

Engineer, it's hard to strike a balance but ultimately I respond to the post in front of me whether it's from a regular or a newbie. I know there are regulars and we know each other's rhythms but hopefully that doesn't make us unwelcoming.

Original poster
fastingmum123 · 19/01/2016 09:45

I have found here alot more friendly than alot of sites I've looked at. I've been reading alot of the posts on here. Like others have said I think maybe it is more about confidence. In rl I try to teach my children about equality even if dp does completely undermine those sometimes.

I don't have the confidence to disagree with people on fb or twitter. I once tried on twitter but the abuse really upset me.

OP posts:
MelindaMay · 19/01/2016 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeverEverAnythingEver · 19/01/2016 09:50

Hello fasting!

I don't post a lot but I have learned a lot from this board. :) And certainly I have learned a lot that I can use in RL to counter some action/speech, and to explain why certain things felt wrong. It is very liberating.

NeverEverAnythingEver · 19/01/2016 09:51

Engineer I like your name. :)

WilLiAmHerschel · 19/01/2016 10:09

These are just things that I wish I'd been taught really. I try to pass them on.

That sounds just like how I want to be with my dd Chris. She's probably going to learn about consent before she learns to tie her shoe laces, I'm so keen for her to know what I didn't!

I do go on twitter, but mostly follow gender critical people of all sorts. I don't tend to tweet much, more use it to keep up to date as I find you get news quickest on there. One of my proudest moments was when Mary Beard favourited one of my tweets! (Sorry I had to mention it,!)

Original poster
fastingmum123 · 19/01/2016 10:14

That's what I've been trying to do too but if you see my other post with regards to tickling dp doesn't follow the consent rules.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 19/01/2016 10:26

you dont even need a GCSE to be a feminist. You just have to believe that women should have the same rights across the board as men do.

You dont need to know all the terminology. You dont even need to have the same opinions as half the feminists on mumsnet. We're just people with different views and priorities for the details, but with the basic similarity that we believe in equality for women

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