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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Not allowed to be a "miss"

97 replies

Blue14 · 10/01/2016 08:35

"Miss" is my preferred title, I hate "Ms" as being single is a very important part of my identity which I want reflected in my name.

However, there are many situations when I am denied the right to use the title "Miss", for example on my credit card, and on my work ID.

This makes me angry, but I am particularly angry now, having just read on another thread that should a MALE which to be called "Miss", it would be illegal to refuse permission, in NY at least, although I suspect many other places would also take that view.

Angry
OP posts:
lorelei9 · 10/01/2016 12:19

well, this is interesting
I am a proud singleton but I believe in Ms and Mr and that being it- though really I don't see a need for titles at all, we could just call each other "comrade" or something!!!

I would actually consider it progress for a workplace to only have Ms or Mr, finally titles that convey nothing about marital situations.

Original poster
Blue14 · 10/01/2016 16:02

The credit card is vanquis, and I have rung up customer services several times to get my title on the card changed, their response is that i can't PROVE I'm a miss, not a Ms, so it won't be changed.

Mountain warehouse are amongst other organisations I have refused a card from, because there is no option to be "Miss"

I work in a school, who don't have that option for Id cards. You can't put a sticker over the top, because they can't then be read, but I ve taken a black marker to several of them over the years.

OP posts:
CallieTorres · 10/01/2016 16:25

Change your credit card company and make sure they know why

Ask your school to make your id MR

HairyLittleCarrot · 10/01/2016 16:30

The problem with wanting your title to reflect your relationship status is that you require everyone else to do the same so that you have a reference point.
If 'Miss' was universally adopted by all women regardless of status how would you distinguish yourself?
Which is what Ms was about.
I took Mrs when I married because I was not really considering feminist issues at that time but it has never sat comfortably with me and I'd rather have Ms now.
I don't understand the need to have my relationship status incorporated into my name. Men don't and the world still turns.

PalmerViolet · 10/01/2016 16:45

I work in a school, who don't have that option for Id cards. You can't put a sticker over the top, because they can't then be read, but I ve taken a black marker to several of them over the years.

Sorry, don't believe you.

Mountain Warehouse don't have an option for any formal title.

Change your card to a different credit building one, Capital One for example.

This doesn't ring true at all to me...

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 10/01/2016 17:09

I don't believe this either. I am married but didn't change my name. Other than not being called "Mrs" (I hate the sound of it ) I have no strong preference for Ms or Miss and have no consistency in which I use.

Consequently I have bank accounts, utilities accounts, mail order accounts in both. None of them have ever asked me to prove what my marital status is.

Original poster
Blue14 · 10/01/2016 17:33

They didn't ask me to prove my marital status, they asked me to prove my name is "Miss" not "Ms"

Ring them up yourself, and ask them how I can go about changing my card, if you get a more constructive answer, you can let me know.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 10/01/2016 17:40

Just checked vanquis online. All the usual options. Including Miss.

Original poster
Blue14 · 10/01/2016 17:42

yes, but I can't have it. Ring them up, go on, and ask how I can change. If they say I can, then come back here and tell me how! They won't, I can promise you

OP posts:
Shallishanti · 10/01/2016 17:49

just tell them you will take your custom elsewhere, if that doesn't work, then carry out the threat, simple
(but really can't see why you are so keen to advertise your availability)

BertrandRussell · 10/01/2016 17:49

So why didn't think you ask for Miss when you applied for the card?

BertrandRussell · 10/01/2016 17:54

Mountain Warehouse won't let me be Ms either. So no discrimination there......

Original poster
Blue14 · 10/01/2016 17:57

So why didn't think you ask for Miss when you applied for the card? I did, obviously, I never refer to myself as anything else.

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LassWiTheDelicateAir · 10/01/2016 18:00

They didn't ask me to prove my marital status, they asked me to prove my name is "Miss" not "Ms"

Fine. I will re-phrase it. I have never been asked one way or another for any reason at all why I sometimes use " Ms" or "Miss"

Original poster
Blue14 · 10/01/2016 18:03

I have

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LassWiTheDelicateAir · 10/01/2016 18:18

Who by? In the 2 examples you gave 1 gives the option of Ms, Mrs, Miss or Dr. The other only gives the option of first names with no titles.

My Amazon account has just allowed me to go from Ms to Miss to Mr back to Ms.

I take it you have heard of the concept of it being impossible to prove a negative?

If "Miss" can't be used unless one can prove one was not married it would be impossible for any one over marriageable age to use it.

BertrandRussell · 10/01/2016 18:20

I suspect Blue lives in alternative universe.

Original poster
Blue14 · 10/01/2016 18:23

have you rung them and asked, Bertrand? What did they say?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 10/01/2016 18:24

Their online application had Miss as an option.

What proof did they ask for?

Original poster
Blue14 · 10/01/2016 18:26

If "Miss" can't be used unless one can prove one was not married it would be impossible for any one over marriageable age to use it.

I have never been asked to prove I am not married. I have been sked to prove that my name is "miss". The example I gave was the vanquis card, where I was not allowed to be "miss" when I applied, and although it is now an option again, I am not allowed to change, because I have to prove my name is "Miss"

but this is not by any means an isolated incident. There are many situations in which I have not been allowed to choose the option "Miss"

And yet I read today that you cannot legally deny a MAN the option of being called "Miss" is he wants it!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Blue14 · 10/01/2016 18:27

Any proof, Bertrand, but what proof can there possibly be? I asked them what proof they wanted, but they couldn't say. Just the name on paperwork isn't proof, apparantly cos i could just have asked for it to be written there, it doesn't proove anything.

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5madthings · 10/01/2016 18:28

I am married but use miss or ms, I generally use ms now but can't be bothered to formally change everything.

Have to disagree with the comment about health care services referring to you as Mrs once you have children.. I have five and am due with no 6, without fail they have gone by the title on my notes or asked me what I prefer to be called.

I have had one gp I saw randomly an elderly male try and insist I have to be Mrs as I am married. I just corrected him, but he was also horrified by me being preg at the age of 36 as that is far too old and massively high risk.... He clearly needed to be updated in a few areas.

BertrandRussell · 10/01/2016 18:32

Does seem very odd that you are the only person this has ever happened to. But that seems to happen to you a lot, doesn't it? I did notice the nod back to trans issues, by the way. No one will bite, sorry.

almondpudding · 10/01/2016 18:33

I am married and I use Miss on most things, including my bank cards.

Just change to a different credit card provider.

Original poster
Blue14 · 10/01/2016 18:33

I'm sure I'm NOT the only person this has ever happened to. I might be the only person on this thread that this has happened to, that doesn't make it any less distressing for me.

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