My husband, the working dad

[TravellingToad]

Would I be unreasonable to start referring to all fathers who work as "working dads"?

I'm a business women, earn 6 figures, manage employees and have 2 children. Yet I just get reduced to "working mum". My husband who also works has NEVER been called a working dad.

It irritates me a lot, possibly unreasonably but I bristle every time someone says it purely because it just seems like another phrase that doesn't get applied equally across the sexes. To my ear it sounds like "women driver" or in a daily mail article "Grandma, 65, killed" whereas they would say "Man, 65, killed"

Does this get on anyone elses goat?

The answers I've heard to the question "where are the children":

"In the kennel."

"Not with me, thank goodness."

"What children?"

I want to be asked where my children are and what they are up to, because they are some of the most important people in my life.

I just think it is sad that fathers are often not asked the same thing, as if human relationships are not something men do. No wonder so many of them end up isolated and alone. I hope DS doesn't end up like that.

facebook have made their unconscious bias training public - I saw it last week.

The whole thing is an hour, but they have split it into chunks if you scroll down. The section on maternal bias is relevant to this.

Earlier on it talks about how women are forced to make a choice between "competent" and "likeable", this goes on to talk about how for mothers this is a double bind, due to incredibly strong unconscious bias about what mothers "should" be like.

Worth a watch

OP yes this sort of thing makes me gnash my teeth too. & it's the sort of thing you can't draw attention to without looking like a petty loon. But it all adds up, drip drip drip, doesn't it.

This annoys me too.

It also annoys me when people see the work I do as a hobby rather than real work. No one ever suggests that dh is pursuing his hobby by being employed!

FB annoys me with all their clickbait adverts, which either seem to feature female celebrities alleged to have destroyed their career in some way or women who have nearly ended up on the scrapheap till they lost masses of weight, thus regaining the love of their husband. I keep reporting and every now and then get a message saying they've taken one down.

You need to remove your gender from your profile, whoknows.

'Full time mum' annoys me too. 'Mum' is the only relationship by which society defines us. It was once 'housewife', now it's sahm, wohm, working mum, full time mum.

Imagine if we described ourselves as a 'working sister' or 'stay at home daughter', 'full time wife'. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? Yet as soon as we become mothers we seem to be defined by that relationship. Everything else is secondary.

I'll have a look Almond, I put as little info as I could get away with when I registered.

Right, made myself neutral. Will wait with interest!

The link is to a very clean page with no adverts on it, it just has their training video.

Oh I see you mean the ads in your timeline and down the side and stuff?

Mine is all news stuff. Maybe try clicking some really worthy stories and see if that helps! It could be linked to age as well (?) god knows what they base their algorithms on.

Yes, the ones in the Newsfeed, sorry for confusion. I never click on them.

That was a lie I just had a look

I've got encouragement to watch a Sky thing with Liam Neeson
Boden (?) never bought anything from them
And something called AirBNB which I also have no idea what it is!

AirBnB is the website for renting out rooms in your house, which is apparently putting hotels out of business.

Wonder why they think I would want to do that!

Conclusion: No rhyme or reason to the ads you get!

Oh now it's offering "£185 Off Philips S9041/12 9000 Series Wet and Dry Shaver with SmartClick Precision Trimmer"

Must have seen that I post in FWR and come to the conclusion that I have an awful lot of body hair that needs dealing with!

I'm intrigued by this now....

If I go out I am always asked where dd is, on finding out she is at home with her father I am told how "lucky" I am.

I use an ad-blocker at home - it's quite some revelation on the rare occasions I log on to FB at home.

I'm not sure Family Man is quite equivalent to Career Woman, because it's proof of a man who is fertile and takes his responsibilities seriously - after all, children need a good male role model; whereas Career Women are neglecting their children, who will all end up unemployed and on drugs, and the sky will fall in. Or something.

FB usually tries to sell me things I've just bought. But strangely enough I bought lots of DS's school stuff online yesterday and all i got now is an advert for men's shirts. Quite pretty colours though. I fancy shirts but do not fancy ironing and therefore will go without.

I agree that men with children are responsible and more committed, while "career women" with children neglect their children on one hand, but on the other hand will drop everything in the office to look after their children and therefore are not committed.

In fact, let's just say that everything women do is just wrong.

Yesterday i was chatting with a single male coworker and i showed him a picture of dc with my oh. He asked if he was sah. First time someone asks that, most ppl simply assume that we use nursery/cm. (we do btw)

If people are still resisting my link, honestly the portion on maternal bias is worth a look with a horrifying stat or 2

I've probably said this on here before but I once had a stewardess tell me what a good dad DH was. Based on him reading the kids a bedtime story on the plane.

Sure, he's a good dad, but would she have stopped to tell him I was a good mum if it had been my turn that day?!

Whirlpool, airbnb probably think you need a holiday (I am typing from my airbnb holiday!)

I do need a holiday.
And a shave.
FB is right

Where are you, yonic?

Now FB thinks I have a motorbike, and I need a National Trust membership.

I was told I would like to work with children because I've got children and "am so good with them". They obviously haven't heard all the shouting in our house ...