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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Women in pregnancy: why so stupid?

76 replies

ApocalypseThen · 20/04/2015 19:21

I'm currently pregnant and obviously that means I'm having loads of contact with medical people.

For the first time in my life, I'm consistently being treated like I'm half witted, silly and unable to process the nature of cause and effect.

Has anyone else experienced this? Why is it, that at this point, medical people treat you like an eejit? I don't think it's general disrespect for women (apart from the time a GP explained the meaning of post prandial) but it's been quite striking during pregnancy - when women are potentially at our most vulnerable.

Can anyone explain?

OP posts:

AskBasil · 20/04/2015 22:26

Oh wait till they start calling you Mum.

My name is not fucking Mum. But they call me it.

Because they can't help htemselves.

PacificDogwood · 20/04/2015 22:31

Aw, you're up against the 'lowest common denominator' being used as the benchmark for all communication

And of course as soon as you are pregnant, your entire being becomes Pubic Property and you cease to be an independent, sentient being…

Sigh.

I actually found the most senior and experience the HCP dealing with me was, the less patronised I felt and overall I had an excellent experience with how I was being looked after in various successful and unsuccessful pregnancies.

PacificDogwood · 20/04/2015 22:32

Feck.
Public Property, now 'pubic'….

reni1 · 20/04/2015 23:04

Yes, AskBasil, or is that AB junior's mum? I hated that. "So, how is mum today?" What, yours? Mine?

I remember the patronising tone reserved for pregnant women, used to infuriate me. Let me feel your tummy and then we'll listen to baby's heart and then mummy's. Aaaargh!

grimbletart · 20/04/2015 23:36

I had that patronising problem when I was pregnant but as that was over 40 years ago I thought the medical profession had now sussed that your brain cells don't instantly rush to your uterus when you are pregnant. Seemingly not in many cases….

However, to cheer you up, wait until you get to my age when you will find a whole different level of patronising. That's when they speak loudly and slowly to you and call you dear a lot. Never mind they happen to be talking to someone who spent decades in very senior positions and ran a worldwide consultancy in a medical field. I am over 70, so naturally I am hard of hearing, slow of thinking and operating on the mental level of a new kindergarten entrant.

I tried to be patient but in the end had to explain that not everyone in the 8th decade has galloping dementia. In fact, people my age often run whole countries.

Sansarya · 21/04/2015 07:11

I didn't find HCPs to be a problem (although that NHS booklet on healthy eating in pregnancy is extraordinarily patronising, complete with Comic Sans) but I was surprised at how many people asked if I was "allowed" to do various things - was I allowed to eat sushi, was I allowed to have cheese, was I allowed to exercise. I'm not sure who they thought I was accountable to. The Great God of Pregnancy who strikes you down if you have a glass of wine or sliver of brie?

Jackieharris · 21/04/2015 07:12

OP what actually happened at the antenatal class?

Yes it's been well researched that women are treated differently by the medical professions than men. There are lots of books on this- you may wish to read Sheila Kitzinger or Ann Oakley or others.

Whathaveilost · 21/04/2015 07:18

I can't say I've had this expierence nd I didn't know what post pram dial is ( will google soon)

I've found that everyone has treated me kindly and with respect and left me free to ask anything I was unsure bout

Anniegetyourgun · 21/04/2015 14:28

Well of course women in pregnancy are stupid. Because hormones. Don't you know anything? Oh - obviously you don't, you're pregnant...

I knew post-prandial acos I is educated innit. Also quite old.

BleachedBarnet · 21/04/2015 14:37

I do also find I'm constantly spoken down to. I think it comes down to living in an area of inner London where a huge number of different languages are spoken, the staff are just trying to make sure that the info gets across to everyone.

Unfortunately that does mean that I end up feeling like a child after my appointments... One midwife actually said 'good girl' to me! I know I look young but bloody hell I definitely took offence to that.

Original poster

ApocalypseThen · 21/04/2015 18:57

OP what actually happened at the antenatal class?

Well first, for context, it was a private course with 12 couples, 11f/m, one f/f, no language or cultural issues.

Anyhow, it was nothing too dramatic. The midwife taking the course pretty much refused to deal with the issues around complications that the women asked and she gave out to the partner of the pregnant woman in the f/f couple for asking whether an epidural could affect someone in the same way that a spinal tap had affected her some years ago.

My own run in was annoying for me. I wanted to talk about how you're assessed as suitable for different types of birth, and at what point might this happen. The reason I wanted to know this is because of a physical issue that my mother has which necessitated a csection. I've no reason to think I've the same problem, no reason to think I haven't. Emergency intervention is my least best way to find out when a physical exam might give some indication. So rather than get the info, I got an explanation that a csection is an operation, the layers of skin and muscle to be sewn up, the recovery time and that I probably think it's all simple from reading celebrity mags.

I was fairly insulted, to be honest.

OP posts:

stubbornstains · 21/04/2015 19:27

I'm afraid my first instinct is to say that she reacted like that because she didn't know .

SanctimoniousItches · 21/04/2015 19:34

I think some of them do just literally 'press play' in their head and off they go with their little spiel.

I made a complaint about an paediatric optomotrist though. He was an asshole.

Floppityflop · 21/04/2015 19:34

Is it because medical professionals always talk as if it were to the lowest common denominator?

SanctimoniousItches · 21/04/2015 19:36

apocalypse, yes, they would like to think that our information comes only from magazines. Some (not all) medical professionals are frustrated by the fact that we all now have access to a lot of information.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 21/04/2015 19:37

Yes I felt awfully patronised with my first pregnancy by midwives, this second one isn't so bad possibility because after serious complications with my 1st they are now taking it seriously.
And yes, members of the public, friends etc once you start to show. Are you sure you should be eating that? Yes, yes I am. Brain still working, thanks.
The other thing was any tiny mistake would be put down to baby brain. Take any 9 months of anyone's life and I bet they say or do something daft.

juniorcakeoff · 21/04/2015 20:07

Oh God I remember the shock of this in my first hospital appointment in my first PG. I looked extremely young and was fairly young but Christ love I know what a fucking cervix is.

It was slightly better in my 3rd pg but still had the constant questioning and assumptions that I didn't know what I was bloody doing. By the 4th pg I just told everyone what I was doing and asked only to see the consultant.

To be fair this was all bloody doctors, no midwives pulled this shit. Most annoying was when it was women my age who probablygot the same grades and went to the same uni as me treating me like an imbecile. Just cos I decided to have kids earlier than you doesn't make me a fucking idiot.

oddfodd · 21/04/2015 20:18

At an antenatal appointment, the MW said 'how's mum?'. I was quite surprised that she remembered my mum (who'd come to a couple of appointments with me) and then realised she was asking me how I was.

WTF is that all about?

oddfodd · 21/04/2015 20:19

ETA I was 41 at the time :o

sashh · 22/04/2015 07:46

Strangers, I would say. GP not really, but midwives and consultant. I do appreciate that they've lots if people to see, but it does appear that there is a view that pregnant women are unable to manage any aspect of life adequately.

There are a lot of thick people who get pregnant. There are a lot of perfectly intelligent well educated people who don't know/like medical terminology so you tend to explain everything in simple terms.

Friend of a friend doing an echo on a child explained to the parents in simple terms what was happening, the father said, 'so it's ABC then' using medical terminology.

It turns out dad was a cardiologist at a different hospital. As an exmedical person, sorry we tend to assume noone knows the terms when we first meet them.

We also come across people demanding things not in their best interest such as reprogramming a pacemaker so someone's heart rate would go higher in the gym. Patient had had a lot of problems with his PM so I didn't want to do it, patient insisted that he cxouldn't get fit because his personal trainer wanted his heart rate higher, no amount of explaining that his heart rate had nothing to do with fitness and everything to do with the pacemaker would convince him. I think he put a complaint in.

Floppityflop · 22/04/2015 07:56

But why doesn't the medical profession give out useful information that you might actually want to know? For example, my dr always asks me about contraception and I tell him I wouldn't mind getting pregnant. It's always just "get on with it, then", no information on help to do thus, whether I would be able to carry on taking my medication, risks etc. fucking useless.

Floppityflop · 22/04/2015 07:58

This is exacerbated by the one problem per appointment rule. This only works one way though as you can exp ct to me harangued about diet, weight, smoking, alcohol, drugs, contraception, exercise and whatever is on the government or big pharma's agenda at the moment.

zinher · 22/04/2015 07:59

After I had my baby the first doctor I saw on the ward was so patronising and using baby language. "Oh your placenta was being very naughty, your uterus which is where the teeny one was blah blah, lucky for her I was on so many drugs I couldn't string together a coherent insult.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 22/04/2015 12:32

I understand that some people might not be able to understand certain things,but they ask at booking in your occupation, first language, partners occupation. Ok, I know they shouldn't judge based on that but they could assume that someone with my job knows the basic terms. It's more the "oooh mummy's going to have a little scratchy injection" stuff that annoyed me, but I guess some might like that approach

grimbletart · 22/04/2015 12:36

Oddfod: I remember being asked "how is mum" when I was pregnant. I replied that mum was fine and was on holiday in France at the moment, but I had a problem with piles……..

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