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Original poster

Women in pregnancy: why so stupid?

76 replies

ApocalypseThen · 20/04/2015 19:21

I'm currently pregnant and obviously that means I'm having loads of contact with medical people.

For the first time in my life, I'm consistently being treated like I'm half witted, silly and unable to process the nature of cause and effect.

Has anyone else experienced this? Why is it, that at this point, medical people treat you like an eejit? I don't think it's general disrespect for women (apart from the time a GP explained the meaning of post prandial) but it's been quite striking during pregnancy - when women are potentially at our most vulnerable.

Can anyone explain?

OP posts:
YonicScrewdriver · 20/04/2015 19:23

That's weird. Strangers like the GP or people who actually know you?

longdiling · 20/04/2015 19:27

Maybe it's that very vulnerability that is making people treat you in a way that is patronising? They want to 'look after' you but this is manifesting as treating you as if you've lost half your brain cells? I dunno...I don't remember experiencing it myself with my three.

Jumblebee · 20/04/2015 19:29

Do lots of people know what post-prandial means?? I don't Confused

Original poster
ApocalypseThen · 20/04/2015 19:30

Strangers, I would say. GP not really, but midwives and consultant. I do appreciate that they've lots if people to see, but it does appear that there is a view that pregnant women are unable to manage any aspect of life adequately.

OP posts:
KittyandTeal · 20/04/2015 19:31

I assumed that doc speak to everyone like that. They need to ensure everyone understands, they don't know if you are a genius or have some sort of learning or processing disorder.

I think they try to explain things in a way that is accessible for everyone. I imagine they have a 'way' of explaining something and just use that for everyone

wonkylegs · 20/04/2015 19:34

I was never treated that way in either of my pregnancies and I have complex medical needs due to a pre-existing medical condition.
In fact I cannot praise the medical professionals (& there were a lot of them) that looked after me, enough- they were fab, helpful& respectful.

Original poster
ApocalypseThen · 20/04/2015 19:36

Maybe it's that very vulnerability that is making people treat you in a way that is patronising?

Possibly. I assumed it was a more general issue for women based on the manner in which a midwife dealt with all of the women (but nine of the male partners) at an antenatal course over the last weekend and I was curious about whether pregnancy affects other people's behaviour towards women as a result, particularly in the context of the impossible amount of information, advice and judgement thrown at pregnant women in general.

OP posts:
longdiling · 20/04/2015 19:37

Ha! I'm glad you posted that Jumble, I'm familiar with it - definitely have known what it is at one point but have forgotten now!

I think the only time I experienced this was when I left my notes at the doctor's surgery with my first. I knew I'd left them there but they wouldn't have it. The receptionist was extremely patronising and kept insisting that I check at home.

Azquilith · 20/04/2015 19:38

I have no idea what post prandial means. Do'h.

YonicScrewdriver · 20/04/2015 19:39

After lunch, I think. Or more generally after a meal.

CaptainHolt · 20/04/2015 19:40

I think being a patient affects the way people treat you more than being pregnant. Often when you are pregnant it is your first experience of being a longish term patient.

Original poster
ApocalypseThen · 20/04/2015 19:41

Do lots of people know what post-prandial means??

Possibly not? I tend to assume that if I know, probably everyone does (and if I don't, probably everyone else does...)

I imagine they have a 'way' of explaining something and just use that for everyone

They probably do, I just find it oddly at variance with what usually happens in my experience and I suppose it's hard to see why this may be It feels sudden and specific but I don't have any sense of having changed in any other way but gestationally!

OP posts:
longdiling · 20/04/2015 19:45

'I tend to assume that if I know, probably everyone does' - the thing is, if you're running a course you sort of have to assume the opposite I should think. So the midwives running your ante-natal course will probably be deliberately starting from the assumption that everyone knows nothing.

Beesandbutterflies · 20/04/2015 19:45

Yes and it's much much worse when the child arrives, you are are clearly an idiot to be forever patronised by the medical community. Really f*&ks me off!

Jumblebee · 20/04/2015 19:51

I know what it means now, I googled Grin

To add something a bit more useful to the conversation, I can't say I ever experienced anyone treating me as if I were stupid when I was pregnant, at least not medical professionals.

What really annoyed me was well meaning friends and relatives telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing/eating/drinking. EG DP's auntie stage whispering that I shouldn't be drinking coke. If I wanted a coke, I was going to HAVE a coke! And another friend examined everything I ate and pointed out exactly what I couldn't eat that was already on my plate She even asked the chefs to double check whether my garlic mayonnaise was pasteurised or not. I know of course that it's important to follow the correct guidelines on what's safe to eat, but I felt so patronised all.the.time.

Crumbelina · 20/04/2015 19:53

I know what it means because I always have a post-prandial slump and want a big nap when I'm at my desk at work. Smile

I'm 13 weeks and haven't been patronised yet. Still lots of time for that, mind.

What annoys me is the rubbish information that's given to women about all the stuff we supposedly can't do/eat based on bugger all (or very flimsy) evidence. Hair dye, eggs, coffee etc. I feel very patronised when people tell me I can't have a small tuna baguette.

Sorry, maybe that's just me and my current bugbear. Smile

Crumbelina · 20/04/2015 19:55

Haha Jumble - love that cross post! Glad it's not just me. Grin

stubbornstains · 20/04/2015 19:58

None of the HCPs I have encountered this time around have been too bad....I'm afraid it's been the other way round for me- I have had occasion to (silently) question the intelligence of various MWs who have been unable to provide me with basic facts that I could have Googled in 5 minutes...Hmm.

However, the Bounty magazine.....just.....what the fuck?! All I can say is- thank God they don't hand out Emma's Diary any more.

NotCitrus · 20/04/2015 20:03

I've had that with certain medical professionals who deal with lots of very similar patients (medically speaking) - they master a certain spiel that aims to be understood by any patient, and find it hard to break out of - I explained to a nurse once that I had a PhD in medical research so she didn't need to explain what viruses were, and she explained that she had to make sure every patient got told all the info required, so she knew her script sounded patronising but if I could just bear with her we could discuss after.

Only patronising I had in pregnancy was the first nurse scanning me to confirm I was pregnant, after I said I had no idea when the baby might be due. She carefully explained how periods stop when you are pregnant and it takes 9 months, so you can work out how far along you are from the date of your last period.

To be fair, she apologised when I pointed out I wasn't 18 months pregnant!

OhHolyFuck · 20/04/2015 20:04

I had a doctor in hospital tell me the antibodies in breast milk were like "good little bugs in mummy's milk that will help stop baby getting poorly"....

Koalafications · 20/04/2015 20:09

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and I haven't felt patronised once.

I'm not saying you haven't been, I can just say that it hasn't been my experience.

Jumblebee · 20/04/2015 20:11

Crumbelina you eat that tuna baguette and you enjoy it Grin

but make sure your mayo is pasteurised otherwise you'll be in for a good telling off young lady!

stubbornstains · 20/04/2015 20:14

No no no! Raw eggs (hence proper mayo) are now OK as long as they have been laid by lions!

(My local pub proudly informed me that their mayo was home made from their own hens' eggs, so obviously not vaccinated against Sam'n'Ella. Bet it was delicious Sad).

Amethyst24 · 20/04/2015 21:00

I think some healthcare professionals just are appallingly patronising. They seem to have their interaction setting stuck on "lowest common denominator" and while it's understandable, given that a lot of the people they deal with are not well informed/have English as a second language/are elderly/are children/are stressed and not thinking at their clearest, it's still maddening and must be even worse if you're pregnant and in permanent "don't you fucking patronise me" mode.

I had a dentist once make me watch a video of how to use interdental brushes. "Look at the screen," she said, ever so helpfully. I didn't go back.

bearhug · 20/04/2015 22:06

I agree OP. It gave me the rage the way I was suddenly talked down to when I was pregnant. And all the 'helpful' advice, so very little of which was actually evidence based.