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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

A well meaning friend sent this to dd- I have to share it or murder someone! And why should I suffer alone?

155 replies

Hakluyt · 07/04/2015 12:35

She's 19, and dealing with a collapsing relationship. An honorary uncle sent her this as a consoling message. Fortunately it fuelled her feminism, and she won't see him for a while, so his testicles will remain intact! But the thought of people thinking this sort of thing, offensive on so many levels is OK just make me despairing. So I want you all to despair as well.

A well meaning friend sent this to dd- I have to share it or murder someone! And why should I suffer alone?
OP posts:
JeanneDeMontbaston · 08/04/2015 14:44

Thanks, countess.

annie - no, the first one went for me, too, I think maybe it was a site glitch?

Lottapianos · 08/04/2015 14:47

'It's why we should have decent lessons on relationships in schools - to counter all this shite. '

Standing ovation for this. Hell yes!

QuiteIrregular · 08/04/2015 14:50

Aha, thanks for linking - I had managed to lose this thread, so didn't link to it in the blog piece - will do so forthwith.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 08/04/2015 14:54

No problem.

Original poster
Hakluyt · 08/04/2015 15:06

I don't suppose anyone can remember the LM Alcott reference, can they? I think it was about Prof Baher waiting patiently for Jo- but I can't remember..........

OP posts:
JeanneDeMontbaston · 08/04/2015 15:30

No, I can't ... I was trying to think too.

It sounds like the Prof.

Original poster
Hakluyt · 08/04/2015 15:33

Driving me crazy now-I'll just have to read them all again. What a hardship!

OP posts:
squizita · 08/04/2015 15:55

Wah! PP claiming this kind of thing aids recovery from emotional abuse! Shock

Nooooo! A thousand times no.

  1. Emotionally abusive nice guy types love this stuff
  2. Woman builds her self esteem on it. Either silently or sharing on FB and alienating ground apples, crab apples, granny smiths...
  3. Nice guy weirdo spins the princess/apple narrative and gets the girl. Lo and behold the whole thing starts again.

NO narrative thar says you're a princess because other women are grubby is healthy or truly raises self esteem. IF it really, really "worked" and the girl or woman felt good off it, essentially she'd end up like some "mean girls" teenage superiority bully sneering at the floor apple girls.
IF. More likely she'd just worry about maintaining her safe status ... making her emotionally vulnerable.

And yes: been in an EA relationship with a nice guy weirdo. So know what helps recovery.
Personally I give wine but with a bit of feisty Beyonce or Gloria Gaynor. Smile

tribpot · 08/04/2015 16:00

Yes, it was Prof Bhaer, and it had to do with frost causing some plants to bloom and a man having the patience to wait for the bloom (which a boy didn't - even though one could debate forever the feminist subtext of Jo's relationship choices!). Will see if I can find it now.

Original poster
Hakluyt · 08/04/2015 16:10

"Grief is the best opener for some hearts, and Jo's was nearly ready for the bag. A little more sunshine to ripen the nut, then, not a boy's impatient shake, but a man's hand reached up to pluck it gently from the burr and find the kernel sound and sweet. If she had suspected this, she would have shut up tight and been more prickly than ever. Fortunately she wasn't thinking about herself, so when the time came, down she dropped"

OP posts:
tribpot · 08/04/2015 16:12

Here we are - Meg is extolling the virtues of marriage (despite being married to something of a tyrant in my opinion)

"It's just what you need to bring out the tender womanly half of your nature, Jo. You are like a chestnut burr, prickly outside, but silky-soft within, and a sweet kernel, if one can only get at it. Love will make you show your heart one day, and then the rough burr will fall off"

"Frost opens chestnut burrs, ma'am, and it takes a good shake to bring them down. Boys go nutting and I don't care to be bagged by them," returned Jo

...

Grief is the best opener of some hearts, and Jo's was nearly ready for the bag. A little more sunshine to ripen the nut, then, not a boy's impatient shake, but a man's hand reached up to pick it gently from the burr, and find the kernel sound and sweet.

Original poster
Hakluyt · 08/04/2015 16:18

Snap!
Oh yes, John Brooke. Not sure what I think about him. Quite a hands on dad though- remember the attempt at sleep training where he ended up asleep holding Demi's hand?

OP posts:
DrDiva · 08/04/2015 18:47

Oh, I got sent that apple tree thing when I was in my 30s. By the same woman who asked me "when are you going to settle down?" - apparently having a bloody good job, a PhD and a house all didn't count because I hadn't been "picked" by one of those wonderful patient man.
Strangely I was not thrilled and/or comforted.

DrDiva · 08/04/2015 18:49

Was never big on the Jo thing either, I must admit...

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 08/04/2015 19:25

What is it with men and apples anyway? First it was Eve being all tempty with them, now we are apples. Feels like a step backwards, if anything.

StillLostAtTheStation · 08/04/2015 19:51

Seriously who woild be tempted by an apple? Unless it came in nice buttery pastry with a large helping of double cream or ice-cream.

squizita · 08/04/2015 20:31

Still I got my man by falling from the tree then fermenting for a while till I was good and boozy. Grin

KateAdiesEarrings · 08/04/2015 21:08

even though one could debate forever the feminist subtext of Jo's relationship choices!
^^ yy to this Grin even on first reading, and as a massive fan of Jo, I couldn't equate the character I thought I knew with the person who had a relationship with Prof Bhaer. There always seemed a disconnect.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 08/04/2015 21:40

My favourite pop psych reading is that Jo is secretly traumatized by her family's constant snippy remarks about her, and has been busily repressing her lesbianism, and the Prof is a bear type who needs a beard.

It's not my pop psych reading, sadly, but I like it. Though it does buy into the 'tomboy girls are gay' cliche.

In my work life, I have just discovered that, if you google for medieval images of apple trees, they send you to penis trees instead.

ChopperGordino · 08/04/2015 21:43

You should clear your cookies Jeanne Grin

YonicScrewdriver · 08/04/2015 21:49

"Seriously who woild be tempted by an apple? Unless it came in nice buttery pastry with a large helping of double cream or ice-cream."

Grin
ErrolTheDragon · 08/04/2015 21:56

I think I rather approved of Jo's choice on balance for not being ageist or based on beauty.

No idea what it is about apples. horribly tempted to say boys prefer a nice pear but that really wouldn't be helpful

JeanneDeMontbaston · 08/04/2015 21:56

Oh, I wasn't complaining. Grin

KateAdiesEarrings · 08/04/2015 22:28

Errol yy I did like those aspects of Jo's choice but I couldn't help but be disappointed that she the author rather than the character opted for a pseudo-father figure. It felt like a value judgement on both Jo as a woman and as a slightly more challenging figure than her sisters. Although I enjoyed that she subverted the Jo/Laurie expectation.

Sorry Hakluyt I have strayed from the chastity of apples and their ability to save us from unsuitable relationships and salve us if we do succumb to a rotten picker.

meddaio · 10/04/2015 08:18

"An honorary uncle sent her this as a consoling message. Fortunately it fuelled her feminism,"

Let me get this right, because of one man your dd now hates all men?