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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

A well meaning friend sent this to dd- I have to share it or murder someone! And why should I suffer alone?

155 replies

Hakluyt · 07/04/2015 12:35

She's 19, and dealing with a collapsing relationship. An honorary uncle sent her this as a consoling message. Fortunately it fuelled her feminism, and she won't see him for a while, so his testicles will remain intact! But the thought of people thinking this sort of thing, offensive on so many levels is OK just make me despairing. So I want you all to despair as well.

A well meaning friend sent this to dd- I have to share it or murder someone! And why should I suffer alone?
OP posts:
CuntCourtIsInSession · 07/04/2015 20:00

I've always happily been a slaggy ground apple myself. Grin

IrenetheQuaint · 07/04/2015 20:29

'reclimb the tree of purity' Grin

As a single 30something I guess I am a withered, dried-out apple that nobody wants :(

sausageeggbacon11 · 07/04/2015 20:54

I see plenty of friends and friends of friends who subscribe to this sort of mentality when someone is breaking up. Not saying it is right but I am saying that outside of this corner of the Universe others feel differently. I can think of around a dozen IRL friends who subscribe to this sort of mentality. And this is where feminism "pushes" away people who are not able to laugh off the issues. Imagine all those women that have been emotionally abused and belittled.. made to feel worthless. When their relationship falls apart do we just laugh at these things or should we reach out with words of comfort? I don't know the correct solution but having come out of an emotionally abusive relationship small words could have made a massive help to my healing process. Unfortunately the internet barely existed when I split from XH so I had to get by as best I could.

Original poster
Hakluyt · 07/04/2015 21:01

Of course we should reach out. Of course we should offer words of comfort. But I honestly cannot imagine circumstances in which this would offer me any comfort at all. Can you, seriously, having read it, say that it would make you feel better?

OP posts:
ChopperGordino · 07/04/2015 21:01

But how are those words of comfort? They either say a woman is "easy" or that they should be grateful for any man who has made the effort to "climb to the top of the tree". It's not actually helpful to a woman coming out of an EA relationship. There are memes out there that will offer comfort without throwing in stuff like that.

ApocalypseThen · 07/04/2015 21:05

Indeed. I can see no comfort in the implied blame that horrible thing gives women. We should comfort women by raising them up, not by telling them they got a shite one for being sexual beings.

albertcampionscat · 07/04/2015 21:09

It's Sappho. www.sacred-texts.com/cla/usappho/sph91.htm

A truly awful translation (hell, not even a translation, a seventh-rate garbling) but, still recognisably Sappho.

I've decided to read that as heartening. Best part of three milennia old and almost torn apart but still able to connect somehow.

Justusemyname · 07/04/2015 21:14

Patronising bollocks

elQuintoConyo · 07/04/2015 21:16

I thought I was alone in having an Uncle Dickhead.

Sadly, I'm not Sad

That 'ditty' is beyond awful.

PuffinsAreFictitious · 07/04/2015 21:17

As a rotten apple on the ground type of gal... I'd say bollocks to that.

nochocolateforlentteacake · 07/04/2015 22:50

Well it gave me a laugh. I'm sure it was sent with the best intentions.

Original poster
Hakluyt · 07/04/2015 23:07

"Well it gave me a laugh. I'm sure it was sent with the best intentions."

Absolutely it was sent with the best of intentions.

Could you explain what was funny about it?

OP posts:
DadWasHere · 07/04/2015 23:13

Ahh, I see. He is a true gentlesir and would encourage your daughter to become a m'lady. Does this man have a beard, perchance?

ErrolTheDragon · 07/04/2015 23:15

The Sappho doesn't say it's about women and certainly not being plucked by boys(well, she wouldn't would she?) or that nasty rotten apple stuff.

LineRunner · 07/04/2015 23:26

Sapphire was saying the opposite.

LineRunner · 07/04/2015 23:27

Sappho.

Must correct my autocorrect one of these days.

StillLostAtTheStation · 07/04/2015 23:49

I get the point that it's meant to be words of comfort.

I think what it might be trying to say is " it's his loss, not yours/ you deserve better/he was a waste of space anyway/ you're well rid of him" but it's a terrible way of saying it.

StillLostAtTheStation · 07/04/2015 23:52

I'm not sure the Sappho quote is much better. It's still referring to the better quality fruit that hasn't been picked.

LineRunner · 07/04/2015 23:55

I'm looking at Sappho's Greek as saying that unseen isn't necessarily unwanted - it's simply out of reach.

DadWasHere · 07/04/2015 23:56

It is easy to laugh it off here but how many women need a message like that to help get through seeing themselves as someone who is unwanted?

sausageeggbacon11 you raise a lot of good points but the problem I see is that things like this are not like a crutch that allows a body part to rest so it can heal, its like attempting to cure an ill by drinking copious amounts of gin, ironically even in situations where that ill is liver poisoning due to alcohol consumption.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 08/04/2015 00:09

Oh, bollocks is it Sappho.

Honestly.

StillLostAtTheStation · 08/04/2015 00:25

How would that message cheer anyone up? If there was a sexual relationship it's saying you were dumped because you were easy.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 08/04/2015 00:27

I know, right?!

It's awful.

StillLostAtTheStation · 08/04/2015 00:35

At 19 my philosophy was that line from Fiona Pitt- Kethley , who on being criticised for being promiscuous and " cheap " said "I'm not cheap, I'm free". Free in that context being the very antithesis of cheap.

So actually it might cheer me up as it would give me something to be angry about.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 08/04/2015 00:43

At 19 I don't know that I had a philosophy. I think I would just have felt a bit miserable without knowing how to say why!